061 – Marriage…A Mans Perspective - a podcast by Alf Herigstad

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MARRIAGE…A Mans Perspective
Last weekend I had the honor and privilege of not only attending…but also officiating the wedding of two very dear friends; Matti and Betsy, they are a great couple and I am really proud of them.  It was an awesome weekend, I got to see lots of other friends too…but the whole undertone of marriage got me thinking that it is something I should address here.Should you as a man aspire to become a married man?  It’s really a loaded question and the answer depends a lot on who you talk to.
Relationships can be super tough, they can make you want to fake your own death and leave the country…I know because I was in a relationship like that once.  They can make you miserable beyond your wildest imaginations.However…a relationship with the right person can also enhance your life, and make it great.  A relationship with the right individual can actually make you a better person than you have the capacity to be on your own.  I know some of you are rolling your eyes, and to be honest if someone told me that 4 years ago I would have rolled my eyes too.
By the time I met my wife I was completely committed to being single for the rest of my life, I was a committed, confirmed bachelor and you know what?  I was super happy about that!  I had had my fill of horrible relationships and I was done.  I had come to believe that the “right one” was a complete myth fabricated only to ensure the propagation of our species.  I was really looking forward to going through the rest of my life only caring about me, doing whatever I wanted to whenever I wanted to without considering what someone else thought of it.  I felt unshackled and liberated from the emotional anchor of a relationship.  I felt like this right up to the second that I met my wife. So…what happened?  Well, I met my wife.  I met her, spent a few hours with her, and my life hasn’t been the same since that day.  I can’t explain it really.  I spent the next three days arguing with myself about my bachelor status and wanting to be single…but it was stupid and I knew it.  I had met the mythical ONE that I had given up on.
So why am I telling you this?  I am telling you this in order to establish for the record, that it is possible…it does happen.  A lot of you listening may have given up like I did, others of you never did believe in it in the first place…still others of you listening might be locked into a horrible relationship with the wrong person right this second and what I’m saying sounds like science fiction.  Thats ok…I get it.  Wherever you are, I understand…because I have been there.OK, so lucky me…I met the perfect woman and married her.  Actually what I am here to tell you is that it wasn’t luck.  If I would have met her right out of high school that would have been luck.  I wish I could make you understand what hell I went through before I met my wife. 
I had so many lessons to learn.  I had so much crap to wade through.  I’ve had girlfriends that stole my car and all my money, I’ve had girlfriends that had serious substance abuse issues, and mental illness, and some more that were just plain mean.  There might have even been a couple that were born without a soul…not sure. 
After each one I would assess the damage and make note of what lessons I learned that I would never repeat.  Then…I would throw myself back out there thinking optimistically that the next one might be the one I was looking for.  Time and time again I would repeat this cycle.  It sounds crazy doesn’t it?Why did I keep doing this?  Well, partly I was looking for what my dad found, I was looking for the bliss I got a chance to witness first hand in the marriage between my parents.  I decided at a very young age that I was going to get married and be just as happy as my dad.  So I ran out and married the first girl I could find when I was 19, got married…and, it didn’t turn out so...

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