064 – Father’s Day - a podcast by Alf Herigstad

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Father’s Day…
Today’s episode is in honor of Father’s day, which is why I am releasing it today instead of tomorrow.  There won’t be a Monday episode this week.  I had the pleasure of being with my dad today, he is 80 years old and doing great.  I also got to spend time with some of my kids and GrandkidsIn preparation for this show I went back and listened to the episode I did for Mother’s day, http://www.beingabettermanpodcast.com/046-mothers-day/ (Episode 46).  I wanted to be sure I didn’t repeat myself, I didn’t want it to be too similar.  But as I listened to that episode I realized that there isn’t much danger of that, because Father’s and Mother’s really are two very different things.  Equally important, but different.
I’ve talked a lot about my dad on this show, because he was the major influence in my life when it comes to being a man.  He was my model, so it stands to reason he would come up.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…he is a great man, the best man I have ever known and I’m so fortunate to have had him for a father, and now…as a great friend as well. I could easily spend this whole episode talking about my dad and how awesome he is, but I don’t think that would be that helpful to anyone.  So instead I would like to just talk about fatherhood itself.  The problem is…I don’t want to be too negative, and thats tough. 
The reason it’s tough to not be too negative is because when you start talking about the wondrous gift that fatherhood is both to the children and the fathers…it’s hard to ignore the fact that there are tons of guys out there right now making babies and walking away, with no intention of ever being actual fathers…and most of those guys doing that never had fathers either.So you see my predicament; I would like to make an uplifting inspirational message for fathers day and at the same time my heart is breaking for the thousands of children out there who have been abandoned or mistreated by their fathers.
Tell you what…I’ll narrow my focus and see if that helps.  Instead of thinking about the whole world or the the whole country, I’ll narrow it down to just the men in this audience who are listening to this program.Of the men listening to this program you probably fall into one of five categories; 


Guys that had great dads who were always there.Guys that had OK dads.



Guys that were raised by a step dad or an uncle or a grandfather instead of your biological dad. So you had intermittent father figuresGuys that had a dad but he wasn’t a good guy, he was possibly abusive or alcoholic, he was a bad dad.



Guys that had no father at all.Of course there are little nuances and differences to every situation, but basically, these are the five categories.  You’ll notice I didn’t make a distinction for guys who were adopted, because you will still fall into one of these categories.
As you consider which group you are in, it’s almost automatic that you start making a list of pros and cons in your mind, you can’t really help it.  If your dad was abusive you immediately see how that affected you and influenced your own behavior and decisions.  If your dad was just ok you might remember the good things he did but also make note of what was missing.  If you didn’t have a dad then you start thinking of all the ways that affected you.
The point is…what this illuminates is…the massive impact fatherhood, or the lack thereof has on children, either good or bad.  Each one of you can plainly see the impact your experience with fatherhood had in your life.  Fatherhood is one half of the parental equation, a full one half.  But our court systems and society sometimes acts as though it is a minor role…and that is incredibly unfortunate.  I have seen some improvement in this over the past few years, but we still have a ways to go.
Another point to consider when thinking about these five...

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