129 – Nice Guys Finish… - a podcast by Alf Herigstad

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There is a saying that comes up every now and then in modern conversation.  It is a saying that I have taken great exception to over the years, the more I heard it, the more I disliked it.I disliked it because I do not believe it is true, it is inaccurate…and I hate inaccuracy.  That saying is;  “Nice Guys Finish Last”. 
The phrase, nice guys finish last was first coined in 1946, by Leo Durocher, the manager of the Brooklyn Dodgers Baseball team, pictured above.  He was talking to some sports reporters from the dugout as their opponents, the Giants, were coming onto the field…he commented about how “Nice” they were.   The Giants were in next to last place in the national league at the time, while the Dodgers were in first place.He went on to say that,
“The nice guys are over there, not in this dugout…nice guys finish last”. The sports reporters ate it up and the phrase was born.
Since then it has been uttered over and over again, with many different meanings attached to it.  Mostly though…it has come to refer to men having success with women.  The insinuation being that if you are a nice guy you will become a doormat, immediately ushered into the friend zone by the women you are attracted to, who will always choose instead the arrogant, bad-boy, jerk.The problem is…a lot of guys believe this, and then modify their behavior because they think, they will have a better chance out in the dating world.  They begin treating women badly, they become self absorbed douche bags who leave a trail of broken hearts and bad feelings in their wake. 
I don’t know how Leo Durocher of the Brooklyn Dodgers treated women, when he coined this phrase he was referring to his overall baseball strategy of intimidation, strength, and winning at all costs.  He wasn’t talking about women.My problem with the phrase, as I said, is it’s inaccuracy.  I think the inaccuracy lies in how nice guys are being defined in the first place.
I think humans developed certain mating rituals just like all other mammals have.  Our mating rituals developed to have us looking for the best possible partners to share our DNA with.  As a result, both men and women enjoy the chase, they are intrigued by the challenge.  It is during this mating dance that we discover what attributes our potential mate possesses. Women like strong, confident men who are sure of themselves…because that was a huge survival skill back when our species was developing, back when we had to kill what we ate and be able to defend the tribe from other people and animals.
In contrast, men too gravitate toward women who challenge them more than other women might.  Why?  Because a woman like that is exhibiting traits that will make her a good capable mother, a strong partner, a defender of the home, etc.For an example I’ll tell you about an experiment I did back in the 90’s, back before computers and internet dating.  I put a personal ad in a newspaper, looking for a woman…the woman.  My intention was to date 20 women in the course of a month, and use comparative analysis to see if I could determine who the best woman for me would be out of the 20.
I went through that month and completed the experiment, and out of those 20 women there were several good candidates, but there was only one who refused to kiss me on the first date, (that was one of my testing criteria), she is the one who became my girlfriend for the next two years, we almost got married.  It turned out in the end she wasn’t THE woman, but I learned a few things going through that experiment. I chose her because she had standards, she had strength of will and most importantly, she had respect for herself…and those are all very attractive qualities.
Ok now back to what I was saying about the definition of a nice guy.  When the phrase;  nice guys finish last, is used, I don’t really think it’s talking about guys who are nice, rather it is talking about

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