145 – Friends Who Hold You Back - a podcast by Alf Herigstad

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Today’s episode is inspired by one of you…a listener.  This listener is named Rich, and he has written to me before.  I was really happy when I read Rich’s letter because he posed a very relevant question.Rich has been listening for awhile now, he has been on the path of actually being a better man today than he was yesterday…and his question is;  what do you do with your friends that seem to have zero interest in improving?I was so happy that Rich asked this question, because it is an inevitable one.  Rich probably never even noticed these friends of his were not interested in improving themselves until he started improving.  But, once you start to take action, once you start the process of becoming a better man, then these other guys will become obvious to you.
So now, there Rich is, being a better man and he has these friends who just don’t get it.  They obviously have not been listening to this podcast, and they are content to just drift along in life…becoming no better than they were the day before.  So, Rich wants to know what to do with these guys, and it’s a great question.You have probably all heard the saying by now that you are the sum total of the 5 people you spend the most time with.  If you have not heard that…you are hearing it now.  It’s true…we are the sum total of the five people we spend the most time with.  I was resistant to this idea at first, but I have come to agree with it.
So how that works, is if you assign a number to everyone, a number from 1  to 10.  One is they are a complete loser, absolutely nothing going on in any capacity, and ten is they are a dynamic individual with great tons of potential and possibility.  Everyone you know becomes a number on this scale.Now take the five people you spend the most time with.  For example lets say there is a 2, a 3, a 4, a 6 and one 8.   add those up and it equals 23.  23 divided by 5 = 4.6, that’s the average.  That means that if these are the five people you spend the most time with that you equal a 4.6.  On a scale of 1 to 10 that isn’t even average.
It sounds kind of harsh, but it’s really true.  If you want to be a millionaire then hang out with millionaires.  If you want to be a great auto mechanic…then you need to spend time with accomplished auto mechanics.  If you want to be a better man, then it would serve you well to find the best men you can, men that you respect and admire, and hang out with them.At the very least, find other men that are committed to improving themselves.  It may not  be that easy, we are a rare breed these days, but those guys are out there. 
It may sound like I’m going to tell Rich to get rid of all his friends immediately…but I’m not.  I will advise Rich to stop spending much time with them though. I don’t believe in just cutting people out of your life without a word.  They are your friends after all…that means you are their friend too, and friends don’t just eliminate people.
However, thatdoesn’t mean you are obligated to spend excess time with them.  personally, I would just be straight with them. 
If it was me I would tell them; “Hey Joe, as you know I have become committed to really improving myself.  I’m trying to be a better man every day and correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like you are not interested in that.  We have been friends a long time and I value our friendship, if you ever need anything please call me…but I want you to know I’m not going to be available on a regular basis, because I’m searching for other people like me who are committed to improvement.”
If you tell your friend Joe that, he may become offended.  He might tell you to piss off.  Or, if there is any hope for Joe he might realize that you are serious, that you are onto something, and decide to finally join you in your commitment to improvement.  Either way, it now becomes Joe’s problem, you have put the ball in his court.  You have done the...

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