013 "Real Alcoholics" and "Real Recovery" - a podcast by Liv & Tiffany

Show notes:

In this episode, Liv and Tiffany explore the terms “real alcoholic” and “real recovery.” For example, people in the rooms often say “you might be sober, but you’re not in real recovery.”

The overall issue of using terms like these is the implication that you have to get to a certain state (being a “real alcoholic”, or hitting “rock bottom,” for AA to work. Anyone feeling that AA isn’t the right fit for someone often hears that they can’t really have a problem and they aren’t desperate enough. This is not only harmful, it’s untrue. AA is not the validator of anyone’s problem: only the individual suffering can truly assess if they have a problem, and that might be a “grey area” drinking problem or acute alcohol use disorder.

This thinking doesn’t allow for other pathways of recovery, either. Just because AA isn’t the right fit for someone, that doesn’t mean that they haven’t had enough pain. The fact that they have walked through the doors of AA is enough reason to extend the hand of recovery. But to imply that they don’t have AUD because the program isn’t the right fit is shaming. It pushes someone back to using because they think they haven’t suffered enough. Second, it’s also inappropriate for someone in AA to think they have the authority of a doctor, or of the person with AUD.  

“Real recovery” is a term often bandied around by people in 12-step programs. For example, they sometimes say that you might be sober but you might not be in “real recovery.” I cannot stress enough that for someone who is seeking help with harmful drinking and using behaviors is recovery. Recovery is an individualized process that isn’t beholden to a certain pathway or program. We have to stop speaking with such authority that we know of the only way to recover. Just because something works for us does not mean it will work for everyone else. There is always another way. And we shouldn’t shame anyone for discovering their own path.

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