Ep 14 - What do you want to achieve when you give gifts to your child? - a podcast by CBT

Ep 14 - What do you want to achieve when you give gifts to your child? 

In this Episode, we talk about the gifts we give to our children in legacy planning. But we also want to ensure that the giving is received well and used well. 

Our overall goal of giving to our children is to enhance their lives so that they can, in turn, enhance more lives.

A key concern that many givers have in giving their recipients is: How can I give without affecting my children’s or grandchildren’s work ethics, a sense of autonomy, and pride in their own accomplishments?

Many have also wondered: How can I receive from my parents or grandparents without the money taking over my sense of purpose in life and making me feel guilty or dependent?

While parents do not hope to see their children work at jobs just because of large salaries and lose their sense of purpose and desire to have mastery in skills and abilities. Most parents also do not want to support a spoilt child.

To put it simply, we want our children to not only learn how to love, but also to labour well.

We want our children to experience their own autonomy, their own mastery of skills and talents, and have a great sense of purpose in the journey of their life and in labour.

Children in wealthy families face a different perspectives in life. Logically speaking, these children may not need to work to have food on their tables, and a shelter to live in. This means that they can  end up missing out in learning what the value of work is. This is different from a poor family, because their situation naturally puts them in a different and often learning environment.

Work is seen to be more fulfilling when we use our skills and abilities in helping others. Developing such skills, however, takes time.

It also usually takes struggles, setbacks, and maybe even failures. Young people need the chance to struggle so that they develop skills that are truly their own. Persevering in difficult work also teaches well-earned self-respect. And working through difficulties also helps people discover what they truly enjoy.

Having meaningful work can come from any kind of work, even laborious work. Sadly, children who often jump from one interest to another looking for meaningful or passionate work often never find it.

While the core element of work is that it provides good for others. This cannot be taught in a classroom education setting.

Therefore, what we, as parents with wealth, can help our children is by giving them the gift of work, real work. For instance, giving them laborious, entry level jobs, instead of desk jobs at an early age.

These jobs can gave them a sense of accomplishment and teach them to find worth even in the small tasks done well.

In particular, their jobs should teach them that the value of work comes from providing a useful service for others, even if it is just cleaning the pantry.

In a way, these jobs begives your child to look at themselves as givers.

For a child who is still building his abilities and is still growing, giving them financial gifts may not be the right gift at that time. Rather, giving them guidance, internships, new work experiences would be better for them.

Whereas, if they have found their ability to thrive in their work – then financial gifts will likely help them pursue that activity rather than distract them from it. For what they have found belongs truly to them rather than seeing it as a job, or money that flow from work. A gift should help them flourish, rather than throwing them off their court.

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