Surviving a Romance Scam with Debby Montgomery Johnson - a podcast by Chris Parker

from 2021-02-03T11:00

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Many are resigned to stay silent about the pain of being scammed, but today’s guest helps empower others by vulnerably communicating her experience and sharing specific warning signs.

Today’s guest is Debby Montgomery Johnson. Debby is founder of The Woman Behind the Smile, Inc. She is a best-selling author, international speaker, entrepreneur, podcast host, former Air Force officer who served at the Pentagon, and is a woman on a mission. In her book The Woman Behind the Smile, she shares her personal experience with a love that turned to betrayal and financial disaster. She removes the mask of shame and shows others how to do the same.

Show Notes:

[1:07] - Debby shares the person she was before she was scammed. Her husband of 26 years had unexpectedly passed away, she had a varied career background, and is a mother and grandmother.
[2:08] - After her husband passed away, she had to step up and run his business without a lot of training or knowledge.
[3:05] - Debby had very little time to grieve as she would work her job and then go straight into managing her late husband’s business.
[3:59] - When her friends noticed that she was staying home so much to work on the business, they told her she needed to get out and “have a life.” A friend recommended online dating.
[4:56] - Debby was very transparent in her online dating profile. She stepped into it very carefully.
[5:46] - Although Debby was very particular, she did eventually meet someone who caught her attention and that’s how everything started.
[6:43] - Debby explains that something that scammers do is try to take you off the dating sites to talk and Debby would talk to him on Yahoo Chat instead.
[8:39] - After speaking with a psychologist later on, Debby was told that she likely never felt listened to based on her behaviors and she admits that Eric, the man she met online, did listen to her.
[9:47] - Over two years of communicating with Eric, Debby felt listened to and shares that she had wonderful conversations through writing with him.
[11:22] - At this point in time, Debby was familiar with online dating scams and never felt like anything sinister was going on.
[12:23] - Debby began lending money to Eric as a way to help him through his jobs until he would get paid. He always promised to pay her back. The energy came from the sooner he finished a job, the sooner he would come home.
[14:01] - The first red flag for Debby was when he asked her to set up a power of attorney and use Western Union to send him money.
[15:43] - In addition to asking for money, Eric also was successful in further isolating Debby from her friends and family. Debby shares how her sons warned her against a relationship with Eric.
[17:50] - After being married for so long, Debby wasn’t ready for a physical relationship, but she was ready for a friendship. Eric turned into a confidante.
[18:59] - Debby explains how she wanted to video chat with Eric but that he always had an excuse as to why he couldn’t get online to do that.
[20:13] - Eric continued to ask Debby for money for his issues with his international business. Looking back, she shares that it all seems so ridiculous but the urgency was overpowering.
[21:01] - Debby admits that she did not have the large sums of money Eric needed and she dipped into retirement funds, sold jewelry, and even borrowed a very large sum from her parents.
[23:47] - When asked if she would go back and change things if she could, Debby says she would actually let things happen the way they happened. She learned so much about herself during this time and is now able to help others.
[25:36] - Chris shares a story that illustrates the lack of knowledge surrounding scams and security.
[27:28] - When you think of an online romance scam, you’ll think ‘oh that will never happen to me.’ That’s not the point. It could happen to your mother, your daughter, or your best friend.
[28:31] - Other victims that have been scammed reach out to Debby after reading her book and Debby has noticed that everyone’s story is exactly the same. These scammers are very well trained.
[29:59] - Debby’s sons were very upset after the scam was revealed, but they also felt that they had not done their job to protect their mother as well.
[30:54] - Eric and Debby had a lengthy conversation about forgiveness and he confessed that it all had been a scam.
[32:13] - Initially Debby didn’t believe Eric and asked for proof that it was a scam. They finally conducted a video chat and she saw the real person behind it all.
[33:09] - Eric admitted that throughout the scam, he had started to feel real feelings for Debby and had to come clean.
[34:30] - Debby went to the FBI and they told her that there was nothing they could do because he was not in the country.
[36:04] - She told a new friend her story and through their conversation she discovered that the other woman’s mother was also scammed. That was the moment Debby realized that she had a mission now.
[38:14] - Debby was put in contact with an organization called Society of Citizens Against Relationship Scams that has been working with victims and survivors all over the world.
[41:08] - Chris and Debby discuss other popular scams that are happening that drain a lot of money from individuals and businesses.
[43:02] - Chris references a past episode that also proved that many victims and survivors don’t report things because of the embarrassment of being scammed.
[45:01] - A friend of Debby’s is now dating online and Debby shares that she can spot a scammer very quickly now and objectively helps her friend navigate different profiles.
[47:36] - Many men have had their pictures used by scammers. And sometimes they are able to contact people who have been communicating with a scammer through their likeness and convince them that it is a scam.
[49:03] - Debby and Chris discuss why many scammers use the likeness of people in the military.
[51:10] - The first people you need to tell if you’ve been scammed this way is your family so you can have support and be surrounded by people who love you.
[53:45] - Something more recent that is happening with the onset of more available video chat platforms is now scammers can steal videos and voice over to provide more convincing communication.
[56:01] - All different age groups are hit by romance scams in different ways. Older generations are more reliant on Skype and Facetime but the younger generations are using different mobile apps like Snapchat and Instagram.
[56:32] - When making a dating profile, do not list that you are widowed or divorced. It may make you a target.
[57:35] - Don’t put your business or any way to look up your finances on your dating profile.
[58:21] - Pictures used in profiles can also be red flags. You can reverse Google the image and sometimes find that they’re photos of a model or stock photo.
[59:24] - If someone you are talking to is constantly international and can’t get home, that is a romance scam red flag.
[60:11] - Currently, money is being sent to scammers through cryptocurrency, gift cards, or even gaming platform credit.
[61:45] - If you think you might be involved in a scam or know someone who is, Debby recommends you check out Anyscam.com or AgainstScam.org.
[62:47] - Debby says you need to report everything and take the time to write down your story to get it out. Find someone who you trust and can help you move forward.
[64:09] - Another sad reality of romance scams is that victims shut themselves off from love and dating again and isolate themselves from potential positive relationships.

Thanks for joining us on Easy Prey. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review.

Links and Resources:

Further episodes of Easy Prey

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