Ep. #702M39 - What To Do When You Are Not Happy In Your Marriage ?? - a podcast by OLA Tux Abitogun | Business | Entrepreneurship | Real Estate | Digital Mark

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Want to know how to fix your marriage using 5 simple tricks that work 100% of the time?

You see people, including your spouse, are predictable.

That is to say you too can learn a few tricks to attract the love you deserve and desire.

I have to assume that you are experiencing a crisis in your marriage now and that must feel terrible to live in that kind of misery.

Your spouse has probably shut down and is using these moments to emotional abuse you and your marriage.

Use these 5 simple tricks to turn all that around and fix your marriage.

(1) Relax

Rejection breeds obsession.

So the feeling of rejection that you are experiencing at the moment will naturally give you the illusion that the world is about to end.

You and I know that it couldn’t be further from the truth.

So the first step is for you to take back the control of your emotion and keep in mind and prepare that more triggers will show up temporarily to make you lose it.

Be determined to stay in control.

(2) Listen & Give

This is a marriage and you should always only go into relationships to give; not give and take.

The very act of complaining shows that you are in the taking mode and as you can see, it’s working against you.

Sure it’s not easy to “give” to a person who is not giving love back to you but I am not asking you to give love.

But you need to find opportunities to give.

So you have to listen effectively in order to determine what will be received when you give.

For example, if a spouse is shut down, they are asking for space and that’s an opportunity to “give” some space.

In fact, I would argue that you also need that space to regain back your emotional control and escape potential emotional abuse.

Remember.. No one can abuse you emotionally unless you allow it.

Focusing on giving has a direct correlation with fixing your marriage successfully but it must accompany a generous level of patience.

How much you give has a lagging and not a leading indication in your marriage.

(3) Avoid Predictable Reactions

You are responsible for your actions and your reactions are your actions.

Essentially, you don’t get to say “he or she made me do it.”

You are an adult and…

Therefore you are responsible for your actions even when you are not willing to take responsibility.

But you are in a better position of control when you take responsibility without confusing it with guilt and/or self-blame.

When a spouse shuts down, it tends to create triggers for overreaction in many aspects.

So one of the tricks you can use to fix your marriage is to identify scenarios where you would normally overreact and simply do the opposite.

This trick is not a one size fits all.

If you are normally dormant in reacting, then you should gain courage and speak up using words.

But say what you want to say once and leave it there. Arguments will create an undesirable effect.

The idea of this trick is to not be predictable; being predictable kill attraction.

If you can successfully make your spouse wonder why you act the way you act, it will build attraction and with patience, you will fix the marriage.

(4) Detach from Feelings

You are probably feeling like your spouse is no longer in love with you right?

Well first of all, know that feelings are temporary in nature and tend to exaggerate the reality of what’s going on.

So start with how you feel… you are probably exaggerating naturally.

And if you are not exaggerating, your spouse has probably expressed that feeling in words. “I am not in love.”

The in-love is a feeling and it reflects hurt; that’s okay because that can be fixed.

In-love is not love… that’s just butterflies.

And you can probably figure why he or she feels that way at the moment; it’s temporary if you use trick #3… RELAX.

It is better to not get attached to how you feel and your spouses’ expression of how they feel.

Instad, focus on creating a new alternate experience and be patient because it will create a lagging indication and not a leading indication.

That means you will see moments that feel like your effort is not reflecting but that’s a feeling; focus on giving.

But don’t forget to give to yourself too.

(5) Avoid Approval Seeking Behaviors

Some are very quick to apologize but there is a problem with that.

There is blurry line between:

Apologies
Seeking Approval and
Manipulation

These, including apology itself, are not attractive behaviors and it is better in a marriage and relationships to focus on changed behavior.

Changed behavior is the best apology and it’s also attractive as it makes you less predictable in the eyes of your spouse.

You should only apologize once if you feel you should and only if your spouse specifically asks for it.

Think about it, if you have to apologize over and over, you are probably not going to get a different result that you desire with doing the same thing over and over.

In general, avoid approval seeking behavior as it indicates lack confidence and that’s very unattractive at subconscious levels.

BONUS TRICK: Patience

You are not meeting your spouse for the first time so fixing your marriage will be a process.

But it’s worth it because of the level of personal growth that comes with giving over and over when it seems like you won’t receive.

It’s worth the process and your marriage will last that much longer.

Below is a question for us to address with this lesson...

“I need help.

I have a wife and she doesn’t talk to me near her mom and dad.

She says she is shy but sometimes she talks to me and sometimes she doesn’t.

Only sometimes she doesn’t talk to other guys but I don’t know if she loves me.

She says she does but I don’t believe it.”

Enjoy the video.

https://lolaandola.com/how-to-fix-your-marriage

Lola & Ola Abitogun of LolaAndOLA.com started dating in March of 2004. They fell in love and got married in August 2007. They are blessed with kids. After 10 years of ups and downs with a marriage that was basically non-existent for 2 full years, they’ve found real love at last, got their marriage back. They have also decided to use this medium to share how they did it so that anyone can use it to save and fix their broken marriage.

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