Podcasts by EVERY YOUTH MATTERS With Dr. John Tan
Hello and Welcome to “Every Youth Matters”. I’m Dr John Tan. For the past 30 years, I’ve been helping youths realize their life potential. In recent years, though, I’ve helped parents, teachers, counsellors and youth workers engage their teenagers and youths. In this podcast I will share tips, tools and ways to reach what may be that difficult or challenging youth who just would not respond to your best intentions or actions. What can we do to reach and win their hearts? I believe that a youth’s potential is too precious a gift to waste. So join me in this journey, for every youth matters!
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All episodes
112: Bonus Episode from 2022-01-15T02:00
I feel happy as I've completed another milestone of leaving a legacy through my podcasts.
It may have been done during a challenging time but looking back, it got done.
I encourage all w...
111: Season 2 Wrap-Up Episode from 2022-01-08T02:00
Season 2 has seen me dive deeper into issues like mental health, self-harm and misbehaviours.
I have raised the importance of us as adults, parents and educators to look in and practice self...
110: Tackling the Rude Ones from 2022-01-01T02:00
Rudeness is typically not a natural behaviour.
Children and youths who are rude have learned such behaviour through their social circles.
Rudeness has to be addressed without rejecting t...
109: Dealing with the Procrastinator from 2021-12-25T02:00
Some children and youths are quick to make promises but don't keep them.
It could be they are seeking acceptance without first realising the responsibility.
We have to help and even hand...
108: Handling the Liar from 2021-12-18T02:00
Some youths who lie do so to avoid certain consequences that frighten them.
It could be that they perceive they can't get what they want.
We have to reassure those who lie that they are ...
107: Tackling Those Who Don't Care from 2021-12-11T03:00
Some youths may display an air of indifference to hide their insecurities.
Yet they could actually be saying, "I don't want to get hurt."
We need to acknowledge the fears and insecuritie...
106: Handling the Griper from 2021-12-04T02:00
Some children and youths gripe because they want to avoid responsibility.
Others do so because they have fear.
An attitude of gratitude is a good antidote to griping.
We need to help...
105: Dealing with the Clown from 2021-11-27T02:00
Those who like to clown around may be naturally humourous.
They need to learn what and when is appropriate.
We can appreciate the humourous ones while at the same time helping them direc...
104: Handling the 'Angel' from 2021-11-20T02:00
Some children behave like perfect and innocent beings so as to receive favour.
In manipulating feelings, they learn to exert power and control.
We must both tell and assure children that...
103: Soothing the Angry Ones from 2021-11-13T02:00
Anger is a strong emotion - often for our protection.
Children who are angry all the time often lack the feeling of safety.
Yet they need to learn to exercise healthy restraint.
We m...
102: Handling the Attention Demander from 2021-11-06T02:00
Attention seekers fear being isolated and rejected.
They need to know and feel accepted but yet redirect their misbehaviours.
We should not dismiss the attention seeker but instead firml...
101: Dealing with the Agitator from 2021-10-30T02:00
Agitators have a need for exerting power behind the scenes.
They need assurance and fear rejection.
We can help youths by reassuring them of our acceptance and yet need to provide bounda...
100: A 4-Step Model to Handle Misbehaviours from 2021-10-23T02:00
The four steps are:
1. Identify the behaviour
2. Understand the effect of the behaviour
3. Identify the cause of the behaviour
4. Avoid common mistakes
Having a systematic way to...
99: Feeling Helpless and A Sense of Failure from 2021-10-16T02:00
Some children and youths believe that if they don't try, they won't fail.
They give up because they don't want to be hurt more.
We need to encourage those feeling a sense of despair with...
98: Revenge and Misbehaviours from 2021-10-09T02:00
Hurt youths hurt others.
Sometimes they are mean to others in order to feel they matter.
Hurt children and youths need to be soothed and reassured that they are being heard.
97: Power and Control Driving Misbehaviours from 2021-10-02T02:00
The need for power and autonomy is a basic one.
Youths need to feel that they matter and that what they do matters too.
Concerned and caring adults must empower children and youths throu...
96: Attention-Seeking and Misbehaviours from 2021-09-25T02:00
Attention-seeking behaviour is a common drive.
Sometimes youths lacking in attention act up or act out in order to get it.
Providing appropriate attention to children and youths can reas...
95: Understanding What's Behind Misbehaviours from 2021-09-18T02:00
Most humans seek belonging and hence social behaviour is often purposeful.
Misbehaviour then results from a mistaken assumption of fulfiling that need.
Basic drives are for attention, po...
94: Stay Calm in the Face of Misbehaviours from 2021-09-11T02:00
Our calmness helps soothe ruffled feelings in youths.
We need to practice self-care first before we can tend to others with calmness.
Our calmness helps to diffuse and defuse youth misb...
93: Handling Youth Misbehaviours Starts With Me from 2021-09-04T02:00
It starts with me but it is not about me.
Don't take it personally because many times misbehaviours exhibited by youths are not directed as us per se, although it may seem so.
We have to...
92: Power of "I Have; I Am; I Can" from 2021-08-28T02:00
Adults need to be mindful of the environment, values, and skills imparted to children and youths.
Resilience often comes from a combination of factors and need to be provided and taught.
...
91: Six Powerful Words to Resilience from 2021-08-21T02:00
There are three pairs of powerful words that can lead to building resilience:
I have. I am. I can.
Fostering resilience in children and youths begin with the focused intention of informed ...
90: Power of YET from 2021-08-14T02:00
It is normal to expect that learning something can be tough.
It is also normal to expect that anything worth doing requires effort.
Thus, success is often found when we persevere.
Yo...
89: Growth Mindset Formula for Success from 2021-08-07T02:00
There are three secrets to success:
1. Find the right way
2. Put in the effort
3. Persevere and don't give up
Adults should encourage youths to persevere in their effort to discover ...
88: Failure of Fixed Mindsets from 2021-07-31T02:00
Youths have to move away from fixed mindsets.
Adults have to encourage youths that their capacity to learn should not be finite.
Don't praise kids they are smart - neither tell them they ...
87: Challenge&Stretch Our Youths from 2021-07-24T02:00
Youths need to be challenged so that they can experience growth and development.
Allow for appropriate and increasing amounts of independence, freedom, and opportunities for exploration.
...
86: Problem Solving&Rehearsal As A Form of Protection from 2021-07-17T02:00
Rehearsing and practicing positive behaviour is a protective tool.
Practice makes permanence as it helps wire positive brain pathways.
It is preferred that mistakes be made earlier, duri...
85: Respect Our Youths from 2021-07-10T02:00
Respect has to be earned and not automatically expected by adults of youths.
Treating youths with regard provides them a space to negotiate and learn how to discuss things important to them.<...
84: Listening To Our Youths from 2021-07-03T02:00
We must apply active listening.
Pay attention to not only what youths say but when they say it.
Listen to their cues and inner pains, fears, and aspirations.
Adults have to listen in ...
83: Being There for Youths from 2021-06-26T02:00
Contrary to some common beliefs, teenagers require and appreciate the help of trusted responsible adults.
Adults need to be there for youths to form a safe, dependable, anchoring presence in ...
82: Helping Youths Cope with Social Anxiety Disorder from 2021-06-19T02:00
When people experience symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder they can feel self-conscious and inadequate.
They can feel like everyone is judging them and thus begin to withdraw from social int...
81: What is Social Anxiety Disorder? from 2021-06-12T02:00
Social Anxiety Disorder is much more than being feeling painfully shy.
A person with Social Anxiety has an intense fear of social situations.
Often they become increasingly alone as they...
80: Helping Youths Cope with ADHD from 2021-06-05T02:00
Children and adolescents with ADHD frequently have a lot of energy and have trouble concentrating. They may also struggle to maintain control over what they say or do.
One of the most impor...
79: What is ADHD? from 2021-05-29T02:00
In ADHD, the brain’s thinking, feeling, perceiving/sensing, and behaving mechanisms are not working the way they should. This makes it hard to focus, remember, plan ahead, or think things throug...
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78: The Adolescent Brain - Still Under Construction from 2021-05-22T02:00
The teenage brain is still under construction.
It needs to be protected and understood.
Being under construction, it is still malleable.
As adults, we must appreciate that the teenage...
77: Helping Youths Cope with Depression from 2021-05-15T02:00
Journeying with a youth struggling with depression is a very important aspect of his or her recovery.
When providing support to youths suffering from depression, we also need to look after ou...
76: Difference between 'Bad Days' and Depression from 2021-05-08T02:00
Everyone has bad days and that is normal.
Depression is a clinical condition where prolonged mood of bad days is present.
Differentiating depression from bad days is important in being o...
75: The Dreaded 'D' Word - Depression from 2021-05-01T01:00
Depression is a common enough issue with youths.
It may be affected by genetics, stress, and even ailments
We need to understand what depression is in order to combat both the stigma and...
74: The Role of the Brain in Teenagers from 2021-04-24T01:00
The human brain has six different but completely linked functions.
When one function does not work properly it affects the whole brain and thus the life of the person.
An understanding o...
73: Diving Deeper into Mental Disorders from 2021-04-17T01:00
Stressors during adolescence are typical and to be expected.
What makes the difference is when disorders become the order of the day in young people.
Those who struggle with mental disor...
72: Let's Talk About Mental Health from 2021-04-10T01:00
Removing stigma of mental health is important because of two reasons:
1. Many mental health disorders in adults begin in adolescence and we thus need to nip them in the bud
2. We want to ...
72: Let's Talk About Mental Health from 2021-04-10T01:00
Removing stigma of mental health is important because of two reasons:
1. Many mental health disorders in adults begin in adolescence and we thus need to nip them in the bud
2. We want to ...
71: Messages to Young People from 2021-04-03T01:00
The aspects of depression, anorexia, self-harm and suicide are really troubling ones.
What messages must concerned and caring adults give to counter these negative themes?
Bear in mind th...
70: When It Just Doesn't Make Sense from 2021-03-27T01:00
We must take on the perspective of the troubled youths even though it does not make sense to us.
Hurt youths hurt others - it's sometimes a form of coping response
Taking on the perspect...
69: How to Support Youths Who Self-Harm from 2021-03-20T01:00
Being alert to signs of self-harm increases the success of helping intervention
Being empathetic without judgment and shock helps too
Seek allies when attempting to help a troubled youth <...
68: Understanding Self-Harming Behaviour from 2021-03-13T01:00
There are two main reasons why youths resort to self-harming:
a. Control - to exert some control in an otherwise overwhelming situation or hurt
b. Catharsis - somehow self-inflicted wound...
67: Signs of Mental Distress from 2021-03-06T01:00
As adults we need to be alert to the signs displayed by our young.
We have to be alert because youths sometimes may not be willing or able to articulate what they are going through.
Once...
66: How to Support a Suicidal Youth from 2021-02-27T01:00
It's best to not tackle a distressed situation alone. Get help.
Always share from the point of empathy and not judgment.
Try to surround the trouble youth with safety.
We need to pr...
65: Meaning of Loss and Loss of Meaning from 2021-02-20T01:00
Behind each suicide pain, there is often a loss.
We need to help identify the meaning of this loss.
We also need to establish whether there is a loss of meaning or purpose as a result of...
64: Why Suicide? from 2021-02-13T01:00
We need to listen to try to understand why a person is thinking about suicide.
Very often, a suicidal person sees suicide as a way to end his or her pain.
It is helpful to understand wha...
63: Asking Directly About Suicide from 2021-02-06T01:00
Contrary to a popular myth, you will not plant thoughts in a person's mind when you ask directly about suicide.
Instead, when you ask directly, it shows that you care and that it is OK to ta...
62: Are you okay? from 2021-01-30T01:00
I talk about how asking a simple question can help to disarm distress.
Listen
62: Are you okay? from 2021-01-30T01:00
We need to be willing and alert to look out for signs of suicide ideation.
Our intuition and gut feel is helpful to help us be alert to the sign of distress around us.
It is as simple as...
61: Prevalence of Suicide from 2021-01-23T01:00
About 1 in 20 people or 5% of the population has entertained thoughts of suicide in past year, according to statistics.
We need to be able to address talk of suicide in order to encourage he...
60: Stigma of Suicide from 2021-01-16T01:00
Youth suicides form the highest age group of completed suicides.
We need to destigmatise talking about suicide so that more young people will seek help.
It is completely alright to be t...
59: Looking For: Expectations from 2021-01-09T01:00
I discuss how and why expectations play a role in motivating youths to succeed.
Listen
59: Looking For: Expectations from 2021-01-09T01:00
We can find a balance between placing too high expectations and not placing expectations on youths. We are to avoid placing on them our vicarious dreams. Instead, we can approach from a strength...
Listen
58: Looking In: Self-care from 2021-01-02T01:00
I present the importance of self-care when we look in at ourselves before we can look out for others.
Listen
58: Looking In: Self-care from 2021-01-02T01:00
There are three main Ss of self-care:
1. Sleep 2. Space out 3. Seek help | If we want to be effective in reaching and engaging youths or others, we need to look into our self-care first.
57: Looking Back: Legacy from 2020-12-26T01:00
There are two main philosophical thoughts guiding me: 1. There always is a way. 2. Our problems may be tough but we are tougher.
We can be confident going through any thing in life becaus...
Listen
56: Every Youth Matters - The Bonus Episode from 2020-12-19T19:00
TakeAways
Podcasting is an effective and doable platform for sharing our voice.
Everyone has a story to tell - and should tell it.
Conclusion
W...
55: Reaching Youths - End Of Season 1 from 2020-12-12T19:00
TakeAways
Reaching teens and youths must always start with me.
However it is not for me or about me.
We as adults are both the messenger and message.
Co...
Listen
54: Moral Development in Teens from 2020-12-05T19:00
TakeAways
For teens to develop the ability to think for themselves and discern among varying perspectives, they need to be given a safe space to explore and question.
...
Listen
53: Social Development in Teens from 2020-11-28T19:00
TakeAways
While teens place importance in acceptance from peers, they still depend on families for primary support and affection.
Conclusion
We must...
52: Emotional Development in Teens from 2020-11-21T19:00
Self-esteem is a big issue during adolescence - teens need to receive approval from loved ones, friends and through personal successes.
Stress management is also a critical skill.
We m...
Listen
51: Cognitive Development in Teens - Pt 3 from 2020-11-14T19:00
Creating "cool' zones where teens can process reflection and rehearse coping strategies is crucial.
Protecting against harmful habits and injuries will be helpful too.
We must share an...
Listen
50: Cognitive Development in Teens - Pt 2 from 2020-11-07T19:00
TakeAways
Adolescence presents competing demands or rewards for teens.
Hence adults may wonder why their behaviour is irrational.
Conclusion
We ...
49: Cognitive Development in Teens - Pt 1 from 2020-10-31T19:00
Adolescent brain activity is a tremendous time for growth and development, in preparation for adulthood.
However, impulse control and decision making abilities develop the latest.
We h...
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48: Physical Development in Teens - Pt 2 from 2020-10-24T19:00
Teens need the assurance of normality as they go through the throes of adolescence.
It will also help them to form good habits of eating well, sleeping well and avoiding harmful habits.
47: Physical Development in Teens - Pt 1 from 2020-10-17T19:00
Physical changes, often happening in rapid spurts, may threaten the self-esteem and sense of confidence among adolescent teens.
We have to reassure teens that it is normal to experience th...
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46: The 5 Challenges of Teen Development from 2020-10-10T19:00
Teens have to navigate through the challenges of physical and cognitive changes, while redefining their relationships with family and peers.
We need to offer calm and reasuring support t...
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45: The 5 Realities of Teen Development from 2020-10-03T19:00
Adolescence presents both a turbulent time and one filled with opportunities for growth.
Often, hormonal changes, risk-taking and craving for peer-acceptance feature prominently in a teen's ...
44: Megashifts of Youth Development - Pt 5 from 2020-09-26T19:00
As adults, we do not want to have youths to just be surviving. Instead we want them to thrive, filled with a purpose in life.
We have to be aware and intentionally facilitate the shift from s...
43: Megashifts of Youth Development - Pt 4 from 2020-09-19T19:00
We want youths to not have a give-me mentality but instead have a give-back attitude.
We have to be aware and intentionally facilitate the shift from give-me to give-back.
42: Megashifts of Youth Development - Pt 3 from 2020-09-12T19:00
TakeAways
We have to help youths move away from fragility towards agility, developing resilience while displaying adaptability and flexiblity.
Conclusion Listen
41: Megashifts of Youth Development - Pt 2 from 2020-09-05T19:00
Youths need to move from dependency to inter-dependency as they learn to work and collaborate in community. | We have to be aware and intentionally facilitate the shift from dependency to inter...
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40: Megashifts of Youth Development - Pt 1 from 2020-08-29T19:00
Shifting from adult agenda to youth agency, we must encourage participation of youth voice and empowerment.
We have to be aware and intentionally facilitate the shift from adult agenda to ...
Listen
39: The 6 Cs of Positive Youth Development from 2020-08-08T19:00
Youths need to feel and be competent, confident, connected, develop character, caring and compassion so that they can contribute purposefully.
Practising the PYD principles has to be done int...
38: Positive Youth Development - Pt 3 from 2020-08-01T19:00
PYD believes in providing positive opportunities to contribute and influence the world around them.
As adults we need to provide the opportunities for youths to learn to contribute and grow w...
37: Positive Youth Development - Pt 2 from 2020-07-25T19:00
PYD takes place in a positive and nurturing environment where caring adults empower youths.
As adults we must come together to intentionally create and facilitate a nurturing environment for ...
36: Positive Youth Development - Pt 1 from 2020-07-18T19:00
PYD calls for adults to have positive expectations of young people as assets having the power to change.
As adults we must believe that youths are assets with talents and potential.
35: The 3R Model of Motivation - Pt 4 from 2020-07-11T19:00
Putting the 3Rs of Refraining, Reflecting, and Reframing together require deeper thought, practice and rehearsal. | As adults, we must realise that we are both the messenger and the message to ...
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34: The 3R Model of Motivation - Pt 3 from 2020-07-04T19:00
The third R is Reframing how we view what as liabilities and change them to assets or strengths.
How we view youths affects the way they respond to us. | When we change the way we think, we...
33: The 3R Model of Motivation - Pt 2 from 2020-06-27T19:00
The second R is Reflecting on our reactions and feelings.
We need to look deep in order to understand why we respond in certain ways.
32: The 3R Model of Motivation - Pt 1 from 2020-06-20T19:00
The first R is Refraining from the urge to take it personally, snap back and jump to conclusions.
As caring adults, it is our responsibility to respond in a calm manner and to provide a calm ...
31: Seeking Validation? from 2020-06-13T19:00
Adults, being in the position of responsibility, must never seek to secure their validation from youths.
We need to soul-search ourselves while establishing healthy avenues for self-care.
30: A Twisted Starfish Story from 2020-06-06T19:00
We must not presume that our desire to help youths is based on the correct assumptions. In order to make a real diference and align with the youth's best interests, we need to first check with t...
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29: What Drives You? from 2020-05-30T19:00
Knowing ourselves and what really drives us to want to reach youths will enhance our efforts.
It's also important to know that the youth is not a vicarious extension of our own unfulfilled c...
28: F-5 Formula from 2020-05-23T19:00
The formula is Friendly-Firm-Fair-Flexible-Fun.
It comes as a package to remind us how we should guide youths.
We need to apply a balanced approach when reaching youths.
27: Tips for Reaching Teens - Part 6 of 6 from 2020-05-16T19:00
Avoid power struggles. As adults we don't win at all.
We need to check in our pride, ego and face when confronting teens, particularly when it's a boundary issue.
26: Tips for Reaching Teens - PART 5 OF 6 from 2020-05-09T19:00
Play the role of a learner. Ask the teen to teach you stuff but don't expect patience from them.
We must exercise humilty and patience in involving teens in the role of teacher. It builds the...
25: Tips on Reaching Teens - PART 4 of 6 from 2020-05-02T19:00
Understand the place of drama in a teen's life. So don't over-react or respond too quickly.
We have to assure youths that we hear them and that they can share their fears and frustration wit...
24: Tips for Reaching Teens - PART 3 OF 6 from 2020-04-25T19:00
Resist the urge to nag. Instead, listen.
Anatomically, we've been given two ears and only one mouth - so we must listen twice as much as we speak
We must exercise refrain and succumbing t...
23: Tips for Reaching Teens - PART 2 OF 6 from 2020-04-18T19:00
Relating to teens is not logic-based. Often, it is feelings-based.
The teenage brain is not fully empowered cognitively.
We need to reach the hearts of the teens first, journey wit...
22: Tips for Reaching Teens - PART 1 OF 6 from 2020-04-11T19:00
KEY TAKEWAYS:
Effective communication with teens always takes place within a relationship.
Outside of a relationship, communication just operates on a cold factual basis
CONCLU...
21: THE CRIES OF TEENS PART 6 OF 6 from 2020-04-04T19:00
Cry #6: You don't understand us? Well we don't understand ourselves!
We must exhibit empathy as youths deal with the challenges of development.
20: THE CRIES OF TEENS PART 5 OF 6 from 2020-03-28T19:00
Cry #5: We want to be trusted.
We need to acknowlege youths as persons who are emerging into adulthoods.
19: THE CRIES OF TEENS PART 4 OF 6 from 2020-03-21T19:00
Cry #4: Will you be here for us?.
We must assure youths we will not abandon them. We keep our promises.
18: THE CRIES OF TEENS PART 3 OF 6 from 2020-03-14T19:00
Cry #3: We need a place to belong.
We must help the youth to also find themselves and purpose in this world
17: THE CRIES OF TEENS PART 2 OF 6 from 2020-03-07T19:00
Cry #2: We're hurting and hurting deeply.
We have to assure youths that we will be there for them and smooth their fears.
16: THE CRIES OF TEENS PART 1 OF 6 from 2020-02-29T19:00
Cry #1: We're changing, confused and vulnerable.
We need to assure youths that we hear them and are there for them, while they're going through their changes. We understand.
15: CARE Way - 4 from 2020-02-22T19:00
Empathy is about acknolwedging the feelings of the youths and ensuring we listen to them.
Take a step back to attempt to understand your child's background or situation. Refrain from judgin...
14: CARE Way - 3 from 2020-02-15T19:00
It begins with us taking the first step as Respect can't be demanded but earned.
Are you showing respect to your youth? It sounds weird but it does help to thaw the gap.
13: CARE Way - 2 from 2020-02-08T19:00
Appreciation is about giving appropriate praise, affirmation and it begins with You.
Are you expressing appreciation to your child?
12: CARE Way - 1 from 2020-02-01T19:00
Be aware of the 5 levels of communication
Which level are you communicating?
11: One Caring Adult from 2020-01-25T19:00
It doesn't take much to be that one caring adult.
But it does mean taking up time to just check on that youth - better still, journey with them.
Would you be that one caring person in the...
10: The Destructive Force of Self-Disbelief from 2020-01-18T19:00
TakeAways
Help youths overcome self-disbelief by:
Providing affirming environment
Checking their language
Practicing positive self-talk
Conclusion Listen
9: Power of Belief (Part 2) from 2020-01-11T19:00
TakeAways
Help youths' self-belief with a strengths-based approachHelp youths to believe in themselves by:
Seeing and appreciating their strengths
Allowing them to fai...
8: Power of Belief (Part 1) from 2020-01-04T19:00
TakeAways
If you want to reach youths, you must ask yourself: do you believe in them?
Do you see them as having power and potential?
Conclusion
...
7: Power of CARE (Part 2) from 2019-12-28T19:00
TakeAways
The environment surrounding the child consists of different systems.
The more numerous and positive the interconnections are between these systems, the better<...
6: Power of Care (Part 1) from 2019-12-21T19:00
TakeAways
We don't see problem youths but rather, youths with problems, often stemming from their environments.
CARE adopts a 2-prong approach ot helping youths
1....
5: Pain To Purpose (Part 2) from 2019-12-15T19:00
Key Takeaways:
- When a child goes wayward, many people pay the price.
- What can we do to prevent that?
The price when one youth goes the wrong w...
Listen
4: From Pain to Purpose (Part 1) from 2019-12-15T18:30
Key Takeaways:
- When a child goes wayward, many people pay the price.
- What can we do to prevent that?
The price when one youth goes the wrong ...
Listen
3: Positive Friends from 2019-12-15T18:00
Key Takeaways:
- Friends may provide a protective source, provided they are good.
As adults, we want to encourage our children to be and make good ...
Listen
2: The Beginning Part 2 from 2019-12-15T17:30
Key Takeaways
- Friends are critical to a young person's development.
- Often they may influence both decisions and behaviour.
- But it may not be nece... Listen
1: Every Youth Matters: The Beginning from 2019-12-14T20:00
TakeAways
I discover that divergence is not bad.
There's a reason why curious youths are curious.
Conclusion
It doesn't matter who the youth or teen is or where he or she...