Podcasts by How Can I Say This...

Claiming Space with Eliza VanCort from 2021-05-14T21:36:06

As the vintage advertising for Virginia Slims cigarettes told women, you’ve come a long way, baby. Women have carved out a bigger seat at the table over the past 70 years. But we still have chal...

Pausing and People Pleasing with Allen Heymann from 2021-04-30T21:58:38

There are lots of things that get in the way of our ability to successfully handle conflict. They often have to do with a limiting mindset, a leaning towards people pleasing, misidentifying the ...

Pausing and People Pleasing with Alan Heymann from 2021-04-30T19:58:38

There are lots of things that get in the way of our ability to successfully handle conflict. They often have to do with a limiting mindset, a leaning towards people pleasing, misidentifying the ...

The Language of DEI with Arlene Koth from 2021-04-16T19:16:09

Whether we’re aware of it or not, the past year has introduced most everyone to a new language. Words that we used in one context, such as equality, equity, diversity, belonging, and systems, ar...

How to Talk to Strangers (Listener Question) from 2021-03-27T16:58:36

We spend a lot of time thinking about how to have conversations with people we care about. After all, these are the relationships that have the biggest influence in our lives. But what if we spe...

Calming Your Nerves (Listener Question) from 2021-02-05T23:36:27

It happens to all of us, no matter how many times we’ve been in a difficult conversation: we get nervous. We feel stress. That stress can show up in lots of ways: in our body language, breathing...

Acknowledging the Good in the Bad from 2021-01-09T22:29:47

How can I say this? When you have a day like January 6, 2021 in the United States, it’s hard to know what to say. It left many of us speechless, then enraged, mortified, and confused. When socie...

The Art of Letting Go from 2020-12-31T20:02:48

While every year has its ups and downs, 2020 will go down as an especially interesting year for lots of reasons. Our everyday vocabulary expanded to include words previously only used by doctors...

How to have meaningful virtual conversations with Jennifer Britton from 2020-12-23T19:54:47

For those of us that grew up with a rotary telephone glued to the wall and no answering machine, the idea of being connected 24/7 everywhere we go still has a bit of novelty to it. I still somet...

Talking about Race at Work with Kwame Christian from 2020-08-28T21:28:19

Awkward, emotional, uncomfortable. This is how many of us feel when we try to talk about race. But we need to know how to have these conversations if we’re going to make progress toward a more e...

Using Reflective Inquiry for Better Conversations with Marcia Reynolds from 2020-06-04T19:09:11

A coaching client recently reminded me of a truth that’s easy to forget: if you want to have a great conversation with someone, focus on trying to be interested, rather than interesting...

Couples Communication in Quarantine with Marianne van Dijk from 2020-05-22T21:20:48

As life in the pandemic continues, our capacity for empathy and connection can come and go. Sometimes it’s easy to be present for our loved ones, and other times, we need space and just to be le...

Creating a Communication-Friendly Space with Rebecca West from 2020-05-09T00:54:30

We all know that our physical surroundings influence our mood and ability to focus. But do we fully appreciate how much they affect our communication? How a room is arranged, what’s in the space...

Liars and Stonewallers: Listener Questions from 2020-04-28T19:57:10

If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, you know that on the surface we talk about communication, but underneath that, we’re really talking about relationships. Caring about anothe...

Mori Taheripour Shares How to Bring Yourself to Negotiations from 2020-04-14T02:03:37

When we think of negotiators, we often think of people who are trying to find a bargain, job seekers, or people on the front lines of a hostage situation. Those things might be true some of the ...

Difficult Conversations with Kern Beare from 2020-03-21T01:50:48

It’s a phrase I’ve heard over and over these past few years: there’s no point in trying to talk to them. Them is always the person with whom we have strong disagreements, or it might represent a...

These 7 Words are Undermining Your Effectiveness from 2020-02-22T03:35:26

When we think of forming new habits, our minds go to the obvious – changing what we eat, how much we exercise, what time we go to bed or get up in the morning, deciding to meditate. Those are al...

Humor: Helpful or Harmful? from 2020-02-09T01:24:07

There are many ways to evaluate the health of a social connection. We know to notice eye contact, body language, tone of voice and balance of listening and talking. But what about laughter? We i...

Overcoming Public Speaking Anxiety with Michelle Barry Franco from 2020-01-31T17:42:32

There’s a widely circulated saying that people fear public speaking more than death. That funny but misguided bit of trivia distracts us from the opportunity we have whenever we’re given the lit...

Ep61: Words Create Worlds from 2020-01-24T04:55:28

"Almost all words do have color and nothing is more pleasant than to utter a pink word and see someone's eyes light up and know it is a pink word for him or her, too." ~Gladys Taber

O...

Ep60: Ending the Shame Game from 2020-01-10T21:31:20

You’ve messed up. You feel embarrassed, you know what you did was a mistake, and you own up to it. You say you’re sorry. And even though you acknowledge it, the other person still wants to chew ...

Ep59: Working with Disrespectful Colleagues (Listener Question) from 2019-12-21T23:16:26

Being successful in our professional lives depends on lots of people agreeing on certain principles. Show up on time. Follow through. Take your responsibilities seriously. Respect your boss and ...

Ep58: Making Your Private Beliefs Public from 2019-12-07T04:56:28

On February 20, 1954, Albert Einstein said the following during an address to the Chicago Decalogue Society: “…in long intervals I have expressed an opinion on public issues whenever they appear...

Ep57: Avoiding Conflict During Thanksgiving from 2019-11-27T17:11:53

It’s that time of year, when we look forward to food, drink, and time with people we care about. It’s also when we might dread time with people we care about, because that time is fille...

Ep56: Staying Civil on Social Media from 2019-11-16T16:19:57

Once upon a time, if we were upset or disagreed with a person, policy or decision, our thoughts on the matter rippled out maybe as far as our second- or third-degree connections, but not much fu...

Ep55: De-Escalating Internal Anger from 2019-11-08T03:20:22

There are lots of mantras I live by, including "I’m open to outcome, not attached," and "I can handle whatever happens." I’ve recently adopted a new mantra based on some recent experiences – exp...

Ep54: Anatomy of an Interaction from 2019-10-26T02:00:44

How many times have you been in a conversation and the other person says or does something unexpected or hostile, and you think to yourself – where did THAT come from!? In fact, you might have t...

Ep53: When It Gets Personal (Listener Question with guest Arden Clise) from 2019-10-18T00:47:35

If we hang around with someone long enough, there are little things that pop up that can distract us from heart of the relationship. It might be the way another person eats, dresses, or even fol...

Ep52: Disagreeing Without Being Disagreeable from 2019-10-12T01:27:16

When we hear someone make a statement that’s not true, or express a personal opinion that cuts us to the core, it’s easy to react by lashing out and attacking that person. It’s not so easy to of...

Ep51: Surviving Small Talk from 2019-10-05T00:40:54

Most people dread it. Some people avoid it at all costs. We’ll skip the networking events, duck behind a big display in the store, or avoid eye contact in a public place. What am I talking about...

Ep49: Expressing Feelings at Work with Melanie Katzman from 2019-09-13T03:17:02

There are lots of “F” words that we’re supposed to avoid in the workplace. Fear. Failure. Flirting. Fighting. And of course, the word to end all “F” words, which I won’t say because I like to av...

Ep48: Two Lessons from The Art of Gathering from 2019-08-30T23:50:40

How many meetings or events have you attended this past week? Maybe you’ve invited people over for dinner, been to a birthday party, or you’ve gotten together in a favorite park for a hike. Chan...

Ep47: Cultivating Conversational Intelligence with Michael O'Brien from 2019-08-23T00:49:18

Sometimes our journey towards greater self-awareness seems slow and ponderous. And other times, life decides to hit the fast-forward button and give us a can’t-miss catalyst for profound change....

Ep46: Cross-Cultural Communication with Susan Shirley from 2019-08-17T01:32:22

When we think of traveling outside our native country, we usually consider the obvious differences we’ll experience: language, food, clothing, architecture. But there’s another layer of differen...

Ep45: Poetry to Grieve By from 2019-08-10T00:57:34

Today is Friday, August 9, 2019, and it’s been a rough week. I’ve found that I haven’t had much to say. The news and its tragedies have overwhelmed me, as they have the world. For a podcast abou...

Ep44: Generational and Gender Communication Differences with Lee Caraher from 2019-08-02T03:05:04

When I tell you I’m "going to get back to you by the end of the day," what does that mean to you? And what about how you interpret “get back to you?” You might be surprised to hear that what tho...

Ep43: Deep Listening with Oscar Trimboli from 2019-07-26T01:02:19

We spend 55% of our time in an average day listening; but what are we really doing? Are we attentive? Fully present? Passive? Distracted? Waiting until the other person stops talking so we can t...

Ep42: Flipping Failure with Sarah McVanel Part 2 from 2019-07-18T17:47:42

Failure. It’s something we avoid as adults, equating it with incompetence, lack of effort or resources, bad ideas, faulty execution, and a sign that we’re on the wrong track. But as little kids,...

Ep41: Flipping Failure with Sarah McVanel (Part 1) from 2019-07-12T01:56:05

There are things we say we’re okay with, but when the rubber meets the road, we balk. Failure is one such thing. Our society often hands us contradictory messages that failure isn’t an option, w...

Ep40: Freedom of Speech Reflections from 2019-07-05T00:28

Family picnics, sparklers, and watermelon seed spitting contests. These are all part of the fourth of July fun here in the United States. While it’s an opportunity to say that funnel cake has no...

Ep39: Is It Empathy or Hijacking? from 2019-06-21T20:16:29

One of the ways we form connections with one another is by noticing where our experiences overlap. It’s a wonderful moment when that noticing leads to empathy and intimacy. But just like anythin...

Ep38: Brave Interfaith Conversations in the Workplace with Zahabia Ahmed-Usmani and Kyle Kooyers from 2019-06-13T21:51:38

Religion ranks right up there with politics, sex and money as a subject that is mostly off-limits in the workplace. Whether it’s obviously part of someone’s identity or completely invisible to o...

Ep37: Ethics, Criticism and Rivals with Yonason Goldson from 2019-06-07T02:48:59

When we think of how we communicate on a personal level, we don’t naturally think of it in terms of ethics and responsibility. But there’s an ethical component to our relationships that is impor...

Ep36: Introverts and Extroverts in Conversation from 2019-05-31T20:24:12

There are lots of reasons why we get our wires crossed when communicating with others. Some of it might have to do with our mood, our assumptions, our past experiences, the nature of the relatio...

Ep35: Empathy in Action in Difficult Conversations from 2019-05-10T02:49:38

When it comes to difficult conversations, we’re often focused on what divides us. We are acutely aware of the ways in which we are different from one another. After all, that’s probably what mak...

Ep34: Humility, Ego, and Civil Conversations from 2019-05-04T01:10:36

If we’ve spent a lot of time thinking about our values and beliefs and how those apply to social and cultural issues, then we can become very attached to thinking that we’re right, they’re wrong...

Ep33: How to Talk with Kids About Tough Topics with Dakota Duncan from 2019-04-26T00:49:46

When a challenge is big, scary, or complex, sometimes it feels easiest to bury our heads in the sand and hope that someone else figures it all out. That might work with some things, but it doesn...

Ep32: How to Ask Better Questions (Part 2) from 2019-04-18T15:23:08

Throughout our education, we’re often so focused on being able to answer questions, we forget to pay attention to how skilled we are at asking them. But our ability to get good...

Ep31: How to Ask Better Questions (Part 1) from 2019-04-12T01:10:19

It’s something that can drive new parents insane, but it’s essential to our development as social creatures: asking questions. As children, we ask questions incessantly as a way to understand th...

Ep30: What To Do When You're Triggered from 2019-04-06T02:08:23

You know when it’s happening: your breathing might become more shallow. Your mind starts racing. You feel like there’s a brick in the pit of your stomach. You might even feel a sense of déjà vu....

Ep29: Getting Past Fine with Matt Crevin from 2019-03-29T00:17:01

It’s an answer we’ve all given and received multiple times in our lives: “I’m fine.” It could be a polite way to respond to a stranger’s “how are you?” or it might be your partner, colleague, or...

Ep28: Self-Awareness and Authority with Caryn Lee from 2019-03-22T18:54:59

"There are three things extremely hard: Steel, a Diamond, and to know one's self." With those words from the 1750 edition of Poor Richard’s Almanac, Benjamin Franklin shared a maxim that has bee...

Ep27: The Fragile Bully as Narcissist with Laurie Helgoe from 2019-03-14T16:19:22

When a word or phrase rises to prominence in the collective conversation, there’s a danger of it becoming diluted or distorted so much that it strays from its original meaning. That’s happening ...

Ep26: Your Questions: Resolving Conflict Within Community with Judy Hissong from 2019-03-08T02:10:42

It’s the rare environment when we’re completely alone with no one else to consider. Whether it’s home, work, school, or social situations, our choices and actions have a ripple effect, even if w...

Ep25: Communication Lessons from the Animal Kingdom from 2019-03-01T21:24:12

I’m all for consulting the experts to learn more about how to be more present, more mindful, more anything that I want to be in my life. They have research and strategies that contribute to maki...

Ep24: Talking to Your Doctor with Tami Stackelhouse from 2019-02-21T19:38:23

When it comes to challenging communication situations, few match the difficulty of talking to highly trained professionals who have expertise we don’t have. This is especially true when we’re se...

Ep23: Complainers and Energy Drainers with Linda Swindling from 2019-02-14T14:32:48

There’s at least one in every office, family, or group: the person who says things like, “Why do we have to do this?” “This is too complicated!” “No one ever helps me.” They seem to be focused o...

Responding When Bad Things Happen to Good People from 2019-02-01T02:17:20

The phone rings. It’s your friend who says, “I have cancer.” An email pops into your inbox. The subject line? “Bad news.” Your Facebook feed consistently shares stories of pets who have crossed ...

Ep20: Parker J. Palmer on Connection and Community from 2019-01-24T02:40:55

How we talk to one another is directly connected to how we feel about ourselves: our self-worth, our willingness to be open and vulnerable, and our self-compassion. We can show up more fully for...

Using the Ladder of Inference to Reframe Conflict from 2019-01-16T03:01:02

We’ve all heard the phrase “jumping to conclusions,” but have we really stopped to think about how that jumping happens? It’s a phenomenon that we’ve all experienced: We see something, our brains q...

Your Questions: When Someone is Gaslighting You from 2019-01-02T03:41:19

We all know people who exaggerate, or take liberty with the facts or know how to bluff their way through a topic they know nothing about. There are times when we might even be that pers...

Your Questions: How to Rein in a Disruptive Colleague from 2018-12-19T03:09:08

It doesn’t matter what kind of group it is. It could be members of a family, office, church, book group, or knitting circle. All of us have at one point experienced the person who sucks the oxyg...

Your Questions: How to Rein in a Disruptive Colleague from 2018-12-19T03:09:08

It doesn’t matter what kind of group it is. It could be members of a family, office, church, book group, or knitting circle. All of us have at one point experienced the person who sucks the oxyg...

Your Questions: How to Rein in a Disruptive Colleague from 2018-12-19T03:09:08

It doesn’t matter what kind of group it is. It could be members of a family, office, church, book group, or knitting circle. All of us have at one point experienced the person who sucks the oxyg...

Ep16: Busyness and Negative Framing from 2018-12-05T21:58:51

We all know that the words we choose to describe situations and experiences tell a story about how we see the world. Are you a partly cloudy or partly sunny type of person? Is the glass half-emp...

Charlotte Parsons, Modeling Healthy Conflict for Kids from 2018-11-28T04:36:10

Many years ago, I was chatting with a work colleague when she brought up that she and her husband were separating. The relationship had several challenges, but guess what was an ah-ha moment for...

Barbara McAfee, Using Your Full Voice from 2018-11-15T02:40:03

Watch your tone… it’s advice we’ve all received at some point, most likely when we were children and saying, “I don’t want to” to a parent, or “give it back,” to a sibling. As adults we...

Kwame Christian, Compassionate Curiosity from 2018-11-07T04:23:12

There are times when we feel stuck in our communications, that no matter what we say or how we plead our case, we make zero headway with the other person. We’re so fixated on what we nee...