Podcasts by Legends In Their Own Minds
Our 2 "Legends" wax sarcastic about a wide range of topics - 10 minutes at a time. From bad drivers, to binge eating, and everything in between, these 2 "Legends" can make a mountain out of any molehill.
Further podcasts by The 2 Legends
Podcast on the topic Comedy
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#189 - At A Loss from 2019-05-09T17:00
Johnny's doctor is concerned about his weight - but it's not what you think. Will he survive? Or is he officially doomed?
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#188 - NFL Draft Dodgers from 2019-05-01T07:00
In Nashville, it turns out the NFL Draft and bachelorette parties are a bad mix. Just ask the bachelorettes who didn't plan ahead. Don't ask Dave, though. That'll just get him s...
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#187 - USA, Party of 3? from 2017-10-17T00:00
Don't like either candidate from the two major parties and feel you have to vote for the lesser of two evils? Well, it seems you're not alone. Now at least one state is trying to find a c...
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#186 - Shh... Leaf Blowing In Progress from 2017-10-04T00:00
Johnny wants to let out a primal scream about all the "feel good" (read politically correct) ordinances his toney suburban city has been enacting lately. But then if he did, they'd p...
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#185 - Wanna Get Away? From Dave? from 2017-09-06T00:00
Some people think Dave is rude... They'd be right. Just asked the lady who unnecessarily held up the airport security line in front of him!
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#184 - Grumpy Old Men from 2017-02-07T00:00
Someone once said "getting old is not for wimps." As Dave begrudgingly starts to deal with the reality of his inevitable physical decline, Johnny's best guess is that the guy who utt...
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#183 - Super LI from 2017-01-27T00:00
Well, the New England Patriots are going to the Super Bowl once again and, unlike most of the country, Dave and Johnny couldn't be more pleased. Oh yeah, and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, he...
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#182 - LinkedOut from 2017-01-20T00:00
Johnny has been trying to get Dave on social media for years. Finally, Dave is connected, but now Johnny has taken himself off the grid...Coincidence?
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#181 - Dialect Dilemma from 2016-07-15T00:00
Johnny walked a fine and treacherous line when his beloved, malapropism-prone wife suggested she was interested in teaching English as a second language. He broached the subject of proficiency and ...
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#180 - CPAP Smear from 2016-07-08T00:00
Johnny has sleep apnea, so his doctor prescribed a CPAP machine. Johnny won't use the thing because it's noisy and keeps him awake. Dave, on the other hand, thinks it's probably a g...
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#179 - The Roadside Address from 2016-06-24T00:00
Have you ever rented a car from a well-known company, had it break down in the middle of nowhere on a 100-degree day and when you call the 800 number, the woman in Mumbai tells you they always have...
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#178 - I'm Wedding My Pants from 2016-06-18T00:00
Johnny's wife enjoys going to weddings. Johnny, not so much. He'll go because he wants to be a good husband. After all, he may not be a romantic, but he's no fool.
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#177 - Old and Uncool from 2015-11-05T00:00
Johnny's feeling extra old these days. And his children can't wait to remind him of it.
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#176 - Play The Trump Card from 2015-10-21T00:00
We really hate the pathetic game of media and politics. Perhaps we need a Trump card.
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#175 - Is 10 Enough? from 2015-09-30T00:00
Is ten people living in a small house too much? Paging Captain Obvious.
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#174 - Movin On Down from 2015-09-25T00:00
Some people say moving to the south is a downgrade. We think those people are very smart.
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#173 - None Of The Above from 2015-08-05T00:00
We're ambivalent about this crop of presidential candidates. We're not so blasé about past winners.
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#172 - Everyone Loves A Good Move-ment from 2015-07-15T00:00
Dave's movin' south. And by south, we don't mean the N**meg State.
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#171 - American UnExpressed from 2015-06-26T00:00
Johnny gets lots of credit card offers. Don't they know his wife has final disapproval?
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#170 - Words to the Unwise from 2015-06-16T00:00
There are an amazing number of words that you should never use and stuff. Irregardless, it's very hard not to, honestly, just literally have your head maybe explode.
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#169 - Shawshanked In Alcatraz from 2015-06-11T00:00
If Dave & John broke out of prison, what would they do? The answers made Johnny fraidy scared.
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#168 - Com-spastic from 2015-06-02T00:00
Comcast customer service is an oxymoron. The rep who spoke to Dave is a bona fide moron.
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#167 - Rent-A-Reek from 2015-05-29T00:00
Dave's car is in the shop and his rental car should be. We're talking scratches and the aroma of wet dog. But, enough about his personal life.
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#166 - Sons of Malarkey from 2015-05-19T00:00
Johnny's a biker, but he's not in a gang. He thinks that's a Waco idea.
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#165 - Stent-ion Convention from 2015-05-07T00:00
It's been a year since Johnny had a heart attack. He's fine now. However, his next scheduled procedure might end up being an even bigger pain-in-the-ass.
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#164 - White Fright from 2015-04-30T00:00
Johnny and Dave are unashamed white men. Ben Affleck, however, has taken his white guilt to a whole new level. You might say he's a slave to political correctness.
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#163 - She Said She Said from 2015-04-08T00:00
When Johnny's wife speaks, everyone listens. Because, according to him, nobody knows what the hell he/she's saying.
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#162 - Trial In Era from 2015-04-01T00:00
It's a trial living in Boston. Bad traffic. Cold and snow. Democrats. No death penalty. Texas is looking pretty good right about now...
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#161 - Whistler's Mutter from 2015-03-12T00:00
We all know Johnny is easily irritated. What he doesn't know is why some people insist on whistling in public, thus causing him to hit a sour note.
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#160 - Fly Wet Glue from 2015-03-04T00:00
Johnny is rarely on the left side of anything. Driving in Barbados forced him to the other side of the road, much to the chagrin of his white-knuckled family.
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#159 - Come Back to Barbados from 2015-02-27T00:00
Johnny dreaded his family vacation in Barbados. He worried it might not be "a day at the beach." But, much to his surprise, he was wr-wr-wrong.
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#158 - Brady-cats from 2015-01-29T00:00
Super Bowl XLIX is almost here and our 2 Legends are feeling anxious. As fans of the Patriots, Dave and Johnny don't want to, once again, feel deflated should their beloved team lose. (See wha...
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#157 - Frantic Football Fans from 2015-01-14T00:00
Dave and Johnny are nervous fans when it comes to the NE Patriots playing in the NFL playoffs. Now, before you and the rest of America get all hateful regarding our Legends' favorite team, jus...
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#156 - Work Not Will Not from 2015-01-07T00:00
The internet is down in Dave's office, Johnny's LED bulbs don't work in his chandelier, and the podcast sound mixer is always a problem. We know, First World Problems are a real pai...
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#155 - Let It Sleet from 2014-12-17T00:00
A little bit of freezing rain sends New England drivers into a tizzy. Hello people? You didn't see winter coming? These drivers are divided into two groups, idiots or maniacs, and you know whi...
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#154 - Now Shave December from 2014-12-10T00:00
Dave shaved his goatee and Johnny was quite surprised. People say Dave looks years younger. In fact, if Johnny were to let his gray beard grow, our 2 Legends might be mistaken for father and son. H...
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#153 - 99 Problems from 2014-12-03T00:00
There is a dearth ($10 word) of dining choices near Dave's office in "Idaho." Usually, it's the Chinese buffet or a place that doesn't have meatloaf. Please note: chopped s...
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#152 - Pain in the Corolla from 2014-11-19T00:00
Johnny's a bit miffed. What else is new? He offered to buy his dad's old car hoping his father might give it to him. Uh, not so much. Dear old dad did accept a bank check though. Ah, family.
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#151 - One Little Prick from 2014-11-13T00:00
So Johnny was suffering from "numb wrists", and he thought it would be a great idea to have an acupuncturist stick needles in his ears to fix the problem. Makes sense, right?
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#150 - Only The Good Die Dead from 2014-11-05T00:00
When someone close dies, do you "grieve" by cracking jokes? Johnny does; it is who he is; he can't help it. He's even prepared a few quips should Dave precede him below the grass.
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#149 - Blow This from 2014-10-29T00:00
It's fall in New England and Johnny's revving up his new gas-powered leaf blower. He should hurry though, because soon it might be outlawed in his snooty suburb.
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#148 - Family Tail-great from 2014-10-22T00:00
Dave and PRY4SNO begged out of a rainy Thursday night Patriots game to "study." So, Johnny took his wife, daughter, and son (who brought a flask). It was painless.
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#147 - Cycle Snobs from 2014-10-15T00:00
You've all seen those avid cyclists with their colorful-spandex-Euro--scruffy-bearded-I'm-better-than-you attitude. Well, Johnny is having none of it, especially when those weenies feel ...
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#146 - Fire Fall from 2014-10-08T00:00
We love autumn in New England, but the daunting prospect of winter tempers that affection. And Johnny likes the smell of burning leaves, but his enviro-conscious, nosy suburban neighbors had to cal...
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#145 - Whining in the Windy City from 2014-10-01T00:00
Dave and his college buddies reunite once a year, but no one knows why. Chicago was their place of choice this time and, as usual, Dave found many things which annoyed him, not the least of which w...
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#144 - Challenge Flags from 2014-09-24T00:00
Johnny's whining about how his family seems to challenge him on everything. Dave rarely tests the big guy because he knows he comes off as reasonable by comparison.
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#143 - Vanity Fare from 2014-09-17T00:00
One of our Legends is prone to vanity and, surprisingly, it's not the younger of the two. Johnny actually spent $75 on a tooth whitening kit which left his wife with some bitter aftertaste.
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#142 -All Pain No Gain from 2014-09-10T00:00
We know Johnny is old and he talks about his aches and pains ad nauseum. But, ever since Dave turned 40, he's been hearing noises emanating from his body, and they're not from the Mexican...
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#141 - School Surplize from 2014-09-03T00:00
Johnny was good this year and bought his niece's school supplies before the last minute rush. What he didn't realize was all that stuff was a lot more expensive than when he was a kid dur...
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#140 - The Price of Fun from 2014-08-27T00:00
What would you pay for lunch at the local zoo? Johnny thought when he left Disney the price of a simple meal would be more reasonable. Well, it's time to wake up, smell the deep fryer and open...
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#139 - Road Worrier from 2014-08-21T00:00
Johnny's pickup truck has been in the shop for two weeks. He loves his mechanics but among his own crew, he's a distinct minority. And please don't get Dave started on the shady car ...
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#138 - What's an Analgaphor from 2014-08-13T00:00
Have you noticed lately people are acting meaner than ever? It's gotten so bad Dave has come up with a new word, and Johnny, our resident wordsmith, is quite impressed.
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#137 - Mac Attack from 2014-08-06T00:00
Johnny assumed his appointment at the Apple Store would be as easy to work with as the products they sell. Ah, but somehow those "geniuses" forgot about the 215 lb. scowling bald man for ...
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#136 - Road Housed from 2014-07-30T00:00
Have you ever eaten at a restaurant in North Carolina and been charged for something in Australia? Well, Dave has, and he's still got that sinking feeling 'Down Under'. Imagine that.
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#135 - Plea for Immunity from 2014-07-23T00:00
All Dave needed was an updated list of all his immunizations. What his local doctor's office wanted to do amounted to an involuntary full-body cavity search.
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#134 - Food Snobbery from 2014-07-16T00:00
Would you ever eat a giant turkey leg, or are those "treats" just for the great unwashed masses? Check out the incident that began at Disney's Typhoon Lagoon and escalated quickly i...
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#133 - Re-Wax The Back from 2014-07-09T00:00
There are two things weighing on Johnny's mind: back waxing and rude Russians. What do these two subjects have in common? Stay tuned comrade.
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#132 - Arthur Blows from 2014-07-02T00:00
Are we ready for the TV news hype as tropical storm Arthur is allegedly determined to ruin the 4th of July on the East Coast? Of course not, but like the weather, there's not a damn thing we c...
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#131 - World Crap from 2014-06-26T00:00
You say you could not care less about the World Cup and soccer? We hear you. And while the rest of the global audience has been sucked in to this soap opera of an alleged sport, remember, it may be...
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#130 - Netsux from 2014-06-24T00:00
Johnny recently signed up for Netflix and instantly he came down with a serious case of buyer's remorse. All he wanted was a nice movie night with his family. Instead, he got an unsteady strea...
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#129 - Garage Sale from 2014-06-18T00:00
Do you brake for yard sales? Well then we think you're probably a used saucer short of a complete place setting. Johnny recently observed a parade of circus mutants picking through his son&apo...
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#128 - DWT (Driving While Texting) from 2014-06-16T00:00
Are you someone who texts while driving? Do you eat, read the paper or apply makeup when you're behind the wheel? If you are guilty as charged, we have a bone to pick with you. Can we please p...
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#127 - Not Cool from 2014-06-12T00:00
If you hear some odd sounds in the background of our latest podcast, it's not because Johnny ate a whole bag of dried apricots. Dave's having a new air conditioning system installed at hi...
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#126 - D-Day Doofuses from 2014-06-10T00:00
Can Obama do anything right? He goes over to Normandy for the 70th anniversary of D-Day tribute, gives his usual eighth-grade-level speech, and then is caught on camera chewing gum during the other...
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#125 - What's For Deserter from 2014-06-05T00:00
If we told you last week that Obama would trade five vicious Taliban detainees for one US soldier, who may, in fact, be a deserter, you would have said we were even more insane than usual. Well fri...
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#124 - Whiskey Ball Shortage from 2014-06-03T00:00
A serious crisis is fermenting in our great country. We're runnng short on high-end whiskey. But fear not dear anonymous alcoholics, Dave has had the foresight and the "spheres" to ...
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#123 - Literally Unfiltered from 2014-05-29T00:00
Like most people, we have our pet peeves. We literally hate it when someone uses 'literally' as a superlative and mistakenly tries to convert the impossible into the literal. We can&apos...
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#122 - End of School Daze from 2014-05-27T00:00
As the last day of school draws near, nights at the school are filled with an endless array of concerts and shows. As much as the children are looking forward to summer, parents are equally excited...
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#121 - Hashtag This from 2014-05-21T00:00
Have you noticed the latest trend in international crisis management? If 234 Nigerian girls are kidnapped, all you have to do is hold up a sign with a hashtag and a slogan and your obligation is fu...
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#120 - Roomie for Improvement from 2014-05-20T00:00
Johnny recently had a health scare, but that wasn't the worst of it. His octogenarian roommate in the hospital was a man who liked to repeat himself who liked to repeat himself.
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#119 - Disney Deposit from 2014-05-15T00:00
The vacation of a lifetime ... on the cheap? Johnny's wife wants to take the family to Disney without paying for Mickey's Bentley. Dave's an expert. Let's ask him the ultimate r...
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#118 - Sam I Am Gay from 2014-05-12T00:00
Michael Sam is the first openly gay man to be drafted by an NFL team. Now social progress is all well and good, but we really don't want to see anyone, gay or straight, suck face on national TV.
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#117 - Dog Doo and Don't from 2014-05-07T00:00
Most of us dog owners know there's an etiquette to picking up Fido's "business." We also know doody duty is absolutely no fun, but c'mon people, where's your sense of ...
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#116 - Teaching Boom-boom in the classroom from 2014-05-06T00:00
Remember those sex education classes in ... elementary school? We guess the "giggle fest" is starting earlier every year.
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#115 - $30 Scratch and Sniff from 2014-04-30T00:00
Who in their right mind would buy a $30 lottery scratch ticket? Dave and Johhny would. Too bad they don't live in Texas.
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#114 - Mr Brown Goes to NH from 2014-04-29T00:00
There's an old adage that says: in polite company, one should never discuss religion or politics. Well, if you're the one regular listener (Thanks Mom!) to our podcasts, you know Dave and...
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#113 - 26.2 Miles of Hate from 2014-04-24T00:00
At the risk of coming off as un-patriotic, anti-health, or just plain insensitive, let's make one thing perfectly clear;WE CAN'T STAND MARATHONS! And we reserve a special place in our adm...
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#112 - No Rest Area for the Weary from 2014-04-21T00:00
At some point in each of our lives, we have had to pull off the highway and into a Rest Area. Whether we've needed to use the aromatic restrooms, savor the sublime delights of fast food, mortg...
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#111 - 3 Seconds of Glory from 2014-04-17T00:00
Everyone knows about the "three second rule,"right? It basically states that if you drop a piece of food or candy on the floor or ground, you have three seconds to pick it up and then you...
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#110 - Toxic Taxes from 2014-04-15T00:00
Ah, the lovely month of April, resplendent ($10 word) with tulips, forsythia, rain showers, robins, baseball, the Boston Marathon, and, alas, the ugly and dooming certainty of tax day. We know some...
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#109 - Glasses Half Full from 2014-04-10T00:00
Johnny may look like your typical union leg-breaker, but underneath all that subcutaneous fat and baldness he's just an old softie, especially when it comes to his beloved 11-year-old niece Ta...
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#108 - Verizon and on from 2014-04-07T00:00
Dave called Verizon to ask a simple service question. An hour later he had been put on hold dozens of times, forced to listen to what could loosely be called music and upsold up the yin yang. All h...
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#107 - Taking a Tumbler from 2014-04-02T00:00
At the end of a long and typically frustrating day there is nothing Dave enjoys more than unwinding with a tumbler filled with a little ice and a healthy "dose" of eighteen-year-old singl...
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#106 - Turkey of a Ham from 2014-03-31T00:00
Every year Dave takes his family to Disney World. And every year the "magic" is enjoyed by young and old alike. And every year Dave sees his fellow park attendees strolling down Main Stre...
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#105 - Blue Zone Blues from 2014-03-27T00:00
For most adults who drive their children to school each morning there is a clear understanding that the Blue Zone is a "kiss and drop" zone. We are supposed to pull up, plant a smooch on ...
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#104 - Kibble Not Caviar from 2014-03-25T00:00
Today we get to hear about Dave's softer side. And, as the collective jaws of 2Legends Nation drop in utter shock, we assure you a "kinder gentler" Dave does indeed exist. You see, D...
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#103 - Doom's Day from 2014-03-20T00:00
Johnny has one appointment with his dentist in the morning and another with his diabetes doctor in the afternoon. Dave hasn't been to any doctor's office in a long, long while and doesn&a...
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#102 - You Deserve a Break-fast Today from 2014-03-18T00:00
"They" say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, "they" and Dave clearly are not on the same page of the menu. On the other hand, while Johnny is enjoys a heart...
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#101 - A Jerk Walks Into A Bar from 2014-03-13T00:00
Have you ever been sitting at your favorite bar, minding your own (multiple-martini-imbibing) business, when some jerk shows up and ruins everything? Well, it happened to Dave and he was surprised ...
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#100 - Wet Suit from 2014-03-11T00:00
Johnny's sons are avid surfers. In fact, they will drive over an hour to Dave's family's oceanfront summer home to surf, wait for it, in the winter. Is it cold? Hell yes! But the boy...
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#99 - What About Bob from 2014-03-06T00:00
It's no secret that Dave is not above placing a wager or two at our local Indian-run casino, especially while he's trying to corrupt his younger, more impressionable cousins under the gui...
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#98 - Oscar Is A Wiener from 2014-03-04T00:00
The Oscar ceremony has come and gone and was much like all the previous shows in that it was full of self-congratulating, constant preening, long-winded, forgettable, usually humorless, megalomania...
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#97 - Damn Ice from 2014-02-27T00:00
Up here in sophisticated New England we've had a tough, cold winter with a lot of snow. We assume it's been worse in places like Minnesota and Canada ... but we don't care. Spring ca...
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#96 - As The World Burns from 2014-02-25T00:00
There's a hot mess of trouble in this crazy world these days and our amateur President is doing what he always does, nothing. We guess, in a way, that's a good thing, because he'd pr...
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#95 - Building a House of Cards from 2014-02-20T00:00
Dave's idea of a good time is lying in bed and binge-watching "House of Cards" on his iPad mini while drinking 18-year-old scotch. Fair enough. What Johnny doesn't seem to under...
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#94 - Happy VD from 2014-02-18T00:00
Ah, the "holiday" most men dread above all others, Valentine's Day. Why? Because it's not for us and we don't want to be "that guy" at the CVS at the last minute ...
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#93 - Oh-Lympics from 2014-02-13T00:00
Football is over and baseball doesn't truly start for another two months. So what are we going to do to assuage our hunger for televised sports that count? Well, the answer for the ladies and...
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#92 - Bad Fans from 2014-02-11T00:00
Have you ever encountered THAT guy at a children's sporting event who is loud, obnoxious and "borderline" abusive toward the refs, opposing coaches and parents? Well then, you'v...
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#91 - Don't Jew-ish You Were Here? from 2014-02-06T00:00
So, Johnny's great idea was to load his eleven-year-old niece Tanya into his Ford pick up truck and drive the 475 miles from Boston to DC to attend the B'nai Mitzvah ceremony for his twin...
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#90 - Super Bore XLVIII from 2014-02-04T00:00
We love NFL football. That's because we're unapologetic, red-blooded American men. So we, like about one-hundred million like-minded US citizens, plopped ourselves down in front of our fl...
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#89 - Spray It Don't Say It from 2014-01-30T00:00
We are sure, like us, you've often seen evidence of our fellow man exhibiting a total disregard for the sensibility and propery of others. Exhibit A: We go to the men's room at Dave'...
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#88 - One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest from 2014-01-28T00:00
It's cold and flu season, especially at Johnny's house. His wife and niece are sick with something awful and all he hears is sniffling, coughing and sneezing. Now Johnny got his annual fl...
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#87 - First Ladies First from 2014-01-23T00:00
Two First Ladies seem to always make headlines. One spends taxpayer money on travel and entertainment like it's her birthright. Another aspires to higher office by riding her husband's co...
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#86 - Fore-play from 2014-01-21T00:00
Recently Dave travelled south to join his uncles and cousins for his first-ever golf experience. Dave, by his own admission, is not very athletic Now, when a few cocktails are added to his Olympic...
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#85 - Oh-bummer from 2014-01-16T00:00
We're, by nature, not very patient men, especially when it comes to poor or even non-existent national leadership. Taking a daring step into the world of politics, our 2 Legends tell you what ...
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#84 - What Would E. Bunny Do from 2014-01-14T00:00
We've had it with the messed up priorities concerning the over and premature commercialization of our once sacred holidays. This year we saw Christmas being promoted in October before Hallowee...
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#83 - Rocky Mountain High from 2014-01-09T00:00
It's high time we talked about the legalization of marijuana... So today we're going to weed through all the hype and get right down to manning up when it comes to the ingestion of pot. ...
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#82 - Snowjob from 2014-01-07T00:00
When we were kids we braved almost any weather, including snow, to get our butts to school. But these days every school administrator goes into panic mode when they see a snowflake, hear a dire for...
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#81 - Urine Trouble from 2014-01-02T00:00
We have a confession to make. Sometimes, when we're "on the throne" we get our best texting, emailing and shopping done. We know we are not alone. The intrigue and sense of social di...
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#80 - New Years Grief from 2013-12-31T00:00
We think people who go all out to celebrate New Year's Eve are either trying too hard or they're just plain stupid. For us it's just another night. Give us some fake Chinese food and...
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#79 - A Bad Sign from 2013-12-26T00:00
We see signs every day... Stop signs, Open signs, No Trespassing signs, etc. Now most of these signs make sense, but at the funeral of Nelson Mandela we witnessed a bold hoax perpetrated upon the w...
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#78 - Get Stuffed from 2013-12-19T00:00
It takes a special kind of person to have their beloved dead pet stuffed by a taxidermist. We think that special person needs to see a special kind of highly trained psychoanalyst immediately. Che...
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#77 - Mascot Mania from 2013-12-17T00:00
So we don't have a podcast mascot... and while we have no problem with Braves, Giants, Patriots, Redskins or Arabs as mascots, we feel a much more intimidating and effective representative wou...
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#76 - I Got Your Donation Right Here from 2013-12-12T00:00
So years ago we went to college and our parents spent an inordinate amount of money so we could learn first-hand about alcohol, illicit drugs and the facts of life. Decades later Dave gets a call ...
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#75 - It Blows When It Snows from 2013-12-10T00:00
Familiarity breeds contempt, especially when it comes to our 2 Legends and their mutual disdain for snow. And it's not just the "white stuff" but also how people (most of whom we sho...
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#74 - Ruin in Translation from 2013-12-05T00:00
You've heard of he said/she said, right? Well how about he said/what the hell did she just say? Everyone's talking, but no one's communicating. Language barriers are real, and they suck
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#73 - Recycle This from 2013-12-03T00:00
We are all under a great deal of pressure to be environmentally conscientious. That's fine. But don't tell us we're bad people because we don't clean and recycle everything. Hav...
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#72 - Thanks For Nothing from 2013-11-28T00:00
Over the river and through the woods and far away from Dave's house you go, especially if he doesn't know you. It's that time of year to give thanks ... that you've been invited...
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#71 - Davey It's Cold Outside from 2013-11-26T00:00
Winter is coming to our neck of the woods. But it's nothing a few hundred dollars dropped at the outdoor store can't cure. We refuse to let the cold air kill us. Alcohol might do the tric...
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#70 - So, Help Me Dave from 2013-11-21T00:00
Have you done something heroic? Have you put yourself in harms way to help a stranger? Yes? Then you're a dumbass! Stop being such a show-off.
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#69 - Pet Pests from 2013-11-19T00:00
You may love your pet and we probably feel the same way about ours. But let's get this straight, we don't really like or even want to know about your dog, cat, iguana or squirrel monkey. ...
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#68 - No Surprises Please from 2013-11-14T00:00
Everyone loves surprise parties, right? Uh, that would be no, especially when it comes to our 2 curmudgeonly Legends. Don't even bother trying with Dave and Johnny, they'll just be sarcas...
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#67 - Filthy Hoar-ding from 2013-11-12T00:00
How much is too much? When it comes to adult beverages Johnny and Dave agree - there is no such thing. When it comes to holding on to old worldly possessions, they couldn't disagree more.
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#66 - Dirty Old Men from 2013-11-07T00:00
When do we, as males of our species, become creepy, dirty old men? Yes we may indeed be older, but our minds are still in that proverbial youthful gutter.
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#65 - Tailgate Between My Legs from 2013-11-05T00:00
Ah, the fun and camaraderie of the great American football tailgate; complete with heavy doses of alcohol, tobacco and obnoxious fans. And we love it.
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#64 - My Weenis has a first name from 2013-10-31T00:00
We're the kind of guys who just come out and say it. No euphemisms for us. But some people are a bit more careful, especially about the words you use for stuff ... "down there." Disc...
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#63 - Ass-specially for you from 2013-10-29T00:00
Ah, the joys of becoming an older man and the intimate details of a "special" medical exam. Keep your fingers ... uncrossed.
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#62 - You Should See Our New Menu from 2013-10-24T00:00
Our 2 Legends' "favorite" local chain restaurant has a new menu. But that doesn't prevent them from recycling the same old complaints.
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#61 - Highway To Hell from 2013-10-22T00:00
Let's face it, our 2 Legends are essentially misanthropes. ($10 Word Alert) And just when they think they can trust people again, they get screwed.
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#60 - Penny Wise and Penny Foolish from 2013-10-17T00:00
They say a penny saved is a penny earned. We say: Really??!!
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#59 - Toupe or Not Toupe from 2013-10-15T00:00
Is bad toupe a redundant term? Johnny is bald and proud of it and he can't understand how a man could even think about wearing a wig.
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#58 - The Sugar Low from 2013-10-10T00:00
Our 2 Legends just want to eat what they want and they don't appreciate their loving, caring family members worrying and nagging them. Can't they just have their cake and eat it too?
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#57 - The Long Road of Dread from 2013-10-08T00:00
Dave and John both went the distance recently. Hey, get your minds out of the gutter, we're talking about driving ... in their cars! Give me a break...
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#56 - T'aint The Season from 2013-10-03T00:00
October is here, time to pick apples, watch the leaves change color and buy a Christmas tree. Wait, what? Yup... it's time to grab, push, shove, there are only 84 more shopping days.
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#55 - Total Destruction from 2013-10-01T00:00
Is it possible for a thief to steal your car and leave it in exactly the same condition he found it? It is when it's Johnny's wife's car.
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#54 - Holy Handy Work from 2013-09-26T00:00
A stunning revelation in church which had our 2 "legends" scratching their ... heads?
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#53 - Wrong 'Tattoo' from 2013-09-24T00:00
Sometimes tattoos can be difficult to look at, and even harder to understand. Of course it took Dave a couple of minutes to realize we weren't talking about Hervé Villechaize.
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#52 - No Planes - Just Trains and Automobiles from 2013-09-19T00:00
Dave doesn't like to fly... but that won't stop him from traveling half way across the country! There's no drive too long (or absurd) in his mind!
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#51 - No Soliciting! from 2013-09-17T00:00
Stay away... That's all we ask... when you see the 'No Soliciting' sign, just stay away! If you 'Don't Ask', we 'Won't Tell' ... you off!
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#50 - Hello My Name is Hurl from 2013-09-12T00:00
We've been known to enjoy an adult beverage or 2... and sometimes we've been known to have more than 2. Sometimes, as many of you know, that's not a good idea.
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#49 - Fantasy Football Island from 2013-09-10T00:00
Ahh our 2 legends 'tackle' fantasy football (pun intended). We're obviously better at puns than fantasy football...
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#48 - Keepin' It Real from 2013-09-05T00:00
We always try to call things as we see them.. Sometimes that works for us, sometimes it doesn't....
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#47 - Sex on the Back Nine from 2013-09-03T00:00
Sex after marriage - such a wonderful memory... well, it's almost certainly just a memory... And usually a very distant memory too.
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#46 - Text Me You Love Me from 2013-08-29T00:00
They say 'texting makes the heart grow fonder'... Well, we think that's what they say... At least texting leads to less fighting. And after all don't we all just want peace?
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#45 - Hollywood From The Inside from 2013-08-27T00:00
What do ostriches, Cowboy cheerleaders, Scott Baio and crappy podcasts have in common? We don't know, but Jonathan Novack of ABC's On The Red Carpet and Tennis Channel joins us to give us...
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#44 - Common Courtesy Flush from 2013-08-22T00:00
Ahh bathroom etiquette... There are so many unspoken rules for using public bathrooms... We just wish people would keep EVERYTHING unspoken in there.
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#43 - Sorry, Wrong Text from 2013-08-20T00:00
One of our "Legends" loves to get text messages - especially when they were meant for someone else. Socially unacceptable doesn't even being to describe Dave's responses to wro...
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#42 - Superfluous Superstitions from 2013-08-15T00:00
We're not superstitious guys but (knock on wood) you'll like this (rabbit rabbit) ten minute discussion (salt over the shoulder) of how silly people can be when it comes to (God forbid) p...
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#41 - Ask-Her Mayor Weiner from 2013-08-13T00:00
Lately, New York politicians have been making it very easy for us to entertain ourselves at their expense. At the same time, they've been making it very hard on themselves... uh boy...
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#40 - In The Market from 2013-08-08T00:00
You'd think going to the grocery store or wholesale discount club would be so mundane that it wouldn't be worth talking about. As it turns out, nothing is too mundane for us!
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#39 - Exercise is Futility from 2013-08-06T00:00
We believe that exercise isn't worth the effort. After listening to this podcast, you may believe that listening to us talk about exercise wasn't worth the effort either.
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#38 - In The Cards from 2013-08-01T00:00
We can't stand discount cards. And sales that aren't sales. And stores that are ubiquitously over-priced. And having to look up what 'ubiquitously' means in the dictionary... ...
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#37 - Football on Ice from 2013-07-30T00:00
With all of the recent news reports of football players committing crimes in their spare time this year, we wanted to do our part to help. We sharpened our crayons and came up with 'Football ...
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#36 - Facebook Obviously from 2013-07-25T00:00
Ahh the useless things people post on facebook.... it's enough to drive us crazy... well, more crazy than usual.
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#35 - Who Needs All Stars from 2013-07-23T00:00
Don't worry - we do think there's a right way to have an All Star Game... it's just a little unorthodox.
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#34 - Black Tie Optional from 2013-07-18T00:00
Well, you could also call this episode sleeves optional. You could even call it clothes optional... but no one wants that.
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#33 - Something Wrong from 2013-07-16T00:00
The Legends react to an insensitive (though some would argue - humorous) telecast in the wake of the Asiana 777 crash. Their biggest complaint? Letting the interns take the fall...
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#32 - Don't Take Me Out To The Ball Game from 2013-07-11T00:00
Now that baseball season is in full swing, the legends are enjoying the national pastime... well, on television anyway.
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#31 - Life's A Beach from 2013-07-09T00:00
What do you get when you mix 2 Legends with a heat wave? SPF 350 Sunscreen with a bad attitude.
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#30 - Talking Trash from 2013-07-02T00:00
From who takes the trash out, to what to trash or recycle... It doesn't take much to get us going.
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#29 - Detour from 2013-07-01T00:00
Summer is here - and so are the detours. John & Dave want to know why EVERY road needs to be re-paved at the same time!
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#28 - Do I Amuse You? from 2013-06-26T00:00
When is salt water not good for the skin? When you find it in a pool that can best be described as "Number 1" or at the very least, filled with it.
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#27 - That's Why I'm Here from 2013-06-25T00:00
Yup. When we go to a restaurant, it turns out, we're there to eat. None of us is sure why this is puzzling to the staff at said restaurant.
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#26 - Shut Up&Take My Money from 2013-06-18T00:00
One of the 'Legends' might be a little too enthusiastic about all things Apple. The other 'Legend' is not going to let him forget it. In fact, he's still frustrated that ...
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#25 - Glass Half Full from 2013-06-17T00:00
You would think the 'Legends' would be happy about a glass half full... but not when it comes to Dave's martini.
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#24 - Pests from 2013-06-12T00:00
No, we're not talking about telemarketers! When pest infestation overwhelms the legends, sarcasm and bad attitudes run rampant.
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#23 - Could Be Nicer from 2013-06-11T00:00
All we needed was a simple can of WD-40 to fix a squeaky microphone... but a simple trip to the hardware store was a little more than one of these 'Legends' could tolerate.
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#22 - What Real Men Drink from 2013-06-06T00:00
Well, this podcast is about what real men drink. One thing is absolutely clear.... The 2 "Legends" have no idea.
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#21 - The Wrong Stuff from 2013-06-05T00:00
It all started with a simple order of broccoli.... and then the 2 "legends" got ahold of it and trotted, or sprinted. (Both Are Acceptable)
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#20 - Texting 1-2-3 from 2013-05-30T00:00
What happens when one of these two 'Legends' forgets to respond a text from the other 'Legend?
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#19 - Why A Chicken? from 2013-05-29T00:00
Some people would debate 'Which came first, the chicken or the egg?' But the Legends In Their Own Minds will debate 'Why a chicken in the first place?'
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#18 - Wrong of Way from 2013-05-23T00:00
To yield, or not to yield.... That is the question that preoccupies the 'Legends in Their Own Minds'
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#17 - Getting Old In The End from 2013-05-22T00:00
The "Legends" wax colonic about one of the challenges one of our "Legends" faced when getting older...
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#16 - Been There, Ate That from 2013-05-15T00:00
Oh, the trouble the Legends can get themselves into just by trying to go out to dinner.
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#15 - Line 'Em Up from 2013-05-14T00:00
What happens when someone tries to cut in front of one of these "2 Legends"? Pretty much what you'd expect, actually...
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#13 - The Eyes Have It from 2013-05-08T00:00
Do you feel comfortable walking down a hallway and see someone you may or may not want to acknowledge? Yeah... neither do we.
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#14 - Raze The Roof from 2013-05-08T00:00
What happens when you send a roofer to do a patio man's work? Well, bout what you'd expect.... While we're on the topic... Why would anyone ask a roofer in the first place?
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#12 - Why So Sorry? from 2013-05-08T00:00
Is it every too late to say your sorry... For that matter, is it every really necessary to say your sorry? Well, here are 2 "Legends'" opinions - for which they are non-apologetic
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#10 - Music To My Ears from 2013-05-02T00:00
The "Legends" take on musicals and theater... and explain their lack of tolerance for both.
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#11 - Flip Flop Flummoxed from 2013-05-02T00:00
The "Legends" discuss one of the great evils in modern society: Flip Flops (the shoes, not the politicians)
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#9 - Pry 4 Vanity Plates from 2013-04-25T00:00
The "Legends" try in "vain" to agree on the value (or lack thereof) vanity plates.
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#8 - Oh The Things People Say from 2013-04-24T00:00
We've established that the 2 "Legends" have nothing to say, and say it anyway. At least when they speak they (usually) choose the correct words... most of the time... or from time t...
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#7 - On A Binge from 2013-04-23T00:00
What happens when you let one of the "Legends" loose at an all-you-can-eat-buffet? What happens when you let the other "Legend" loose on a road full of drive-thru restaurants? ...
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#6 - Maybe They Won't Notice from 2013-04-22T00:00
It's amazing what people try to slip by The Legends In Their Own Minds... and amazing how many times they succeed!
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#5 - Do People Really Eat That from 2013-04-19T00:00
The "Legends" pontificate haute cuisine from around the world... From Texas and other independent nations. At the end of the day, they're still 'meat and potato' kinda guys
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#4 - For The Cause from 2013-04-18T00:00
The 2 Legends take on 'The Cause' whatever that might actually be.
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#3 - The Boys of Spring from 2013-04-11T00:00
The 2 "Legends" discuss the Great American Pastime. It's opening day across North America. One "Legend" is excited, and the other one couldn't care less.
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#2 - Some People Are Crazy from 2013-04-10T00:00
From parents and uncles pontificating rather than questioning at literacy day, to a lady at gas station consoling her 'baby' - these 2 "Legends" have decided that some people ar...
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#1 - Out of Service from 2013-04-09T00:00
In this first episode, one of the "Legends" tackles a not-so-relaxing dinner at a local restaurant interacting with a frazzled waitress. The other "Legend" discusses the fine...
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#1 - Out of Service from 2013-04-09T00:00
In this first episode, one of the "Legends" tackles a not-so-relaxing dinner at a local restaurant interacting with a frazzled waitress. The other "Legend" discusses the fine...
Listen