157: Quiet Time Coaching Episode 157: "How introverts can thrive in isolation, and how to support them" - a podcast by Malcolm Cox

from 2020-04-17T18:39:17

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A week ago Charlie Hynes half-jokingly asked me for some tips to help introverts handle isolation. It set me thinking about the different challenges introverts and extroverts might be facing during this virus crisis.




The first thing to say is that I don’t like the labels. It’s a very inexact science. I would suggest that most of us are somewhere along the spectrum between extreme introversion and extreme extroversion. 




That having been said, it could be useful to consider the spiritual impact of social isolation on those of us with a more introverted nature. Specifically, I’m going to focus on spiritual matters more than physical and mental health issues. If you’re struggling with your mental health I strongly suggest you contact a medical professional.




Here are a few selected comments from my correspondence:




Stephanie: “As an introvert I don't find lockdown too bad at all. I'm loving not having to traipse off to work or meetings….but what I find hard is not getting any alone time in the house.” 





Maxine: “As a introvert I have found isolation more easy when I get creative with imagination but on the other hand I need to be watchful least I fall into...fantasy.”




Caroline provided this from an MBTI perspective: "Introverts get energised when given quiet time to reflect; they can go for hours being on their own - this recharges their batteries, helps them focus on what's really important and can lead to great insights, ideas and less stress. Introverts may find this time wonderful for deep bible study.”




Barry: "Being a serial introvert, this whole isolation thing, is like a dream come true....I can't believe that I am encouraged to stay at home. It's like Christmas except that it's Easter!...One of the benefits of being an introvert….is that I can find plenty to do. 




Harry and Bel: "Bel and I are both introverts and often find attending a church of over 100 people quite challenging, especially since most of them seem to be extroverts. So, in some respects online church works better for us as does social distancing and being in lockdown."




Thank you for those thoughts everyone. With that in mind, a few practical suggestions for the introvert:






Part one - how an introvert can help themselves spiritually





In point of fact, most of these principles apply to an extrovert just as much as an introvert.





  1. Know yourself.  Reflect on the signs that you know for yourself indicate whether you are handling challenges in a healthy spiritual way or not. I dare say you know what they are. 

  2. Know what you’re aiming for. What would the most Christ-like version of yourself look like right now? In your isolation? 

  3. Consider what has helped you in the past. Recall some situations when you were isolated and handled that isolation well. What was happening?  

  4. Reflect on your value to the community. The church needs all kinds of people. Your church community needs you. All of us have gifts, experiences and spiritual strengths needed by the body. You might like to make a list of yours so that you can more clearly see how to use them in ministering to the needs of others. (1 Corinthians 12:15–22 NIV11)

  5. Make a plan of action and share it with others. Small goals are fine. One thing at a time. One day at a time. Share them with a trusted friend. You might need the accountability.






Part two - how others can support an introvert





The application of these principles and practicals may be a little different depending on whether you are living with an introvert or contacting them via phone or some other means. Make adjustments as necessary.





  1. Take the initiative. An introvert might need you to make the first move. Just because someone is an introvert doesn’t mean we shouldn’t give them a call unsolicited. Looking out for others is a Christ-like perspective - (Philippians 2:3–4)

  2. Ask permission. However, when they pick up the phone ask if this is a good time rather than assume they are ready to have an in-depth conversation right at that moment.

  3. Don’t overstay your welcome. The point of contact is to have contact, not the length of that contact. Sometimes less is more. It truly is a case of quality is more important than quantity. 

  4. Trust them. Especially if you are an extrovert, trust them that they are able to spiritually manage their well-being. Just because they’re not like you, does not mean they are not doing well spiritually. Of course, “doing well” is a very subjective concept! You are not their judge, Matthew 7.1-5.

  5. Ask, don’t tell. A question like, “How could I support you spiritually” is better than, “What you need to do is pray with me more often”. Even if it’s a good suggestion, or true, it’s disrespectful to tell people what they need to do.





What have I missed? If you’re an introvert, what helps you? If you’re an extrovert, what would you like to see me cover next week?




Please add your comments on this week’s topic. We learn best when we learn in community.




God bless, Malcolm

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