OBSCURITY: DREAMCATCHER: Darkest Dream - a podcast by AJ the Libra

I felt this nightmare to be so real as well as surreal. It was the first of many I had on that ship. Thankfully there were more good dreams than nightmares, but the ones I did had shocked me to the core and kept me in though of them enough to write them down. I didn't know the full meaning of it at first but then after reading over it a couple times I got the gist of what each scene meant to me as well as that fiend. I was always a boy who followed his heart. Whether it was through imagination, journeys, adventures, music, or love. This dream basically describes how I was so in lust with girls. That ideal "woman" I wanted for myself wasn't around me. Now in my year range. So the girls that would be desired to get with me i would have feelings for but none could please me or keep me attentive too long for my heart wanted more. And I'm also quite honest when it comes to my feelings and what I want so when I was in high school, at that time, I would be tell them what I wanted in a "woman" but still wanted to have them as companions until I find that person I so desired most. No fair to the ladies I know as I have learned, but they would respect my honesty and still be attracted to me. I actually did, genuinely, like them and loved them as a person. For they were not bad girls. I just didn't feels no girl was enough for me. I thought of myself as a "Prince" but I desired a "Queen", let's put it that way. Ahead of my time I know. And also ahead of my level. But I was also thinking ahead of me. Old soul in a young body. Higher level headed pretty much. I liked that about me though. Because it's what made me actually read, be active, write and go out instead of staying in the house playing games all the time, which I did do, but I mostly loved being out. But back to the topic, this nightmare reminded me of that. And how that version of me lasted so long. Up to the point of actually leaving to the military for 4 years. Through that I desired no female. I knew what I wanted and stayed to myself after breaking up with the current one I had after the first marine corps ball. I do apologize again for that. I was never into long distance relationships. I just didn't trust anyone enough for that. Especially after learning and hearing in person from what friends, family and people on tv experienced with them. So I didn't want to have to deal with that. I didn't see a point in it. I rather a female be happy with someone close to them then have to deal with a long distance relationship. That's just me though. So I saved her that heart ache. Even though it cause another when I ended it after dancing with her and wishing her a safe flight. That was the old me. I've learned and evolved mentally and physically. And though me and her are still friends and speak every now and then. I feel there's still something there that is afraid to be brought up. I personally let things go after a while as I tend to forgive and hold no grudge but other may. And I undertsand and respect that. She never did anything wrong to me. She was actually quite a great girlfriend in fact. They all were. My heart just desired more. And that was something I couldn't help. It still does.




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Scripture



2 Timothy 2:22


22 Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Psalm 20:4 (BBE) May he give you your heart's desire, and put all your purposes into effect.



Psalm 20:4 (CEB) Let God grant what is in your heart and fulfill all your plans



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