015 Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey O is for Open Relationships - a podcast by Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey - A to Z of Sex

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is O and O is for Open Relationships. There are many types of open relationship. In general, a relationship is considered open when it contains more than two people (e.g. people are not being monogamous).
In this podcast, I will take you through the different types of open relationships, speak about some of the positives about open relationships, some of the issues that arise from open relationships, and finally point you in the direction of additional information.
I speak from long professional experience as I have worked with many people considering open relationships, in open relationships and ending open relationships over the years. I also speak from personal experience as I am presently in a polyamorous marriage and have been polyamorous in some previous relationships.
Please note that I am talk about consensual open relationships in this show – that is where everyone knows that people may have more than one partner. Non-consensual open relationships are called cheating. I will only address cheating in relation to consensual open relationships. The subject of cheating in general is for a whole other show.
Let’s start with open relationships that are open only for other sex partners (rather than for other love relationships). Some couples make the agreement that each of them (or sometimes only one of them) can have other sexual partners. This type of relationship comes in many forms.
Most common is the couple who spend considerable time away from each other and agree that ‘what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’. This is a don’t ask, don’t situation. Usually the couple makes an agreement about types of partners, safe sex, type of sex, contact after the return from a trip. For example, I remember one couple who agreed that oral sex was acceptable but fucking was not. They agreed that there would be no further contact once the trip was over, no email addresses or phone numbers exchanged and that all oral sex would be with condoms or dental dams. Some couples agree sexual intercourse
Positives for this type of arrangement: If both partners are truly comfortable with it, it is a no muss no fuss arrangement.
Potential issues: If either partner really wants to know the details of the other partner’s sexual experiences, experiences insecurity, or experiences distrust of their partner. Note that I didn’t mention jealousy as a potential issues. This is because often people feel jealousy but are able to deal with this emotion effectively. Jealousy in open relationships is often related to a lack of time (feeling their partner is spending more sexual time with others than themselves) or sometimes if one partner is not having additional experiences, then there can be jealousy about the fun the partner is having without them.
The second type of open relationship still involves people in the relationship having separate experiences but in this situation, one or both tell each other about the experience. Sometimes they simply tell each other that they are going out on a date. Other times, they share details of the experience for social enjoyment and still other times they share intimate details as part of their own sexual relationship.
I am reminded of a couple who used to vet each other’s potential dates. They would look at profiles online, google the people and sometimes even have a brief conversation. They did this even though they were not looking at on going relationships with other people but just at short term sexual relationships.
I worked with Jane and Sandy in the 90’s. They used sex with other people as a way to spice up their own sexual relationship. Though they did not invite anyone to join

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