G is for Great Sex - a podcast by Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey - A to Z of Sex

G is for Great Sex
Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is G and G is for Great Sex

When I am out and about meeting people I am often asked what makes great sex. Since individual tastes and desires are so unique, it might seem a hard question to answer. But with a bit of research, I found that great sex has a number of things in common.

1 High levels of attraction. Face it, if you don’t fancy the person, the sex won’t be that great. Fancying goes way beyond visual appearance and attraction. All of our senses come into play with attraction as does energy or presence. Did you ever feel drawn to someone? Like you just had to be near them? Standing next to them causes you to feel a burning through your body? That’s the energy of attraction. My sense of smell is super important when it comes to sex. If someone doesn’t smell right, I can’t even consider sex no matter what else is attracting me. Many years ago, I tried to override this because the man was so sexy, so loving and the relationship was excellent. Robert was neat and clean so it wasn’t poor hygiene. But even using a cologne or a parfum that I adore did not change the fact that his own personal scent turned me off. I have a friend for whom voice is the most important sense in her attractions. If someone has an accent she doesn’t like or a high squeaky voice, she’s done.

2 Presence. I know I mentioned presence and energy under attraction. It bears mentioning again. Great sex happens when you and your partner are full present in the moment. What do I mean by this? You are fully present when you are completely focused on what you are doing and experiencing and being in the here and now. This is true mindfulness. When you are able to be fully present during sex and your partner is too, the sex is usually mind blowing. Everything flows. You feel like one being – merging and separating and merging again. Completely connected on all levels. When you aren’t fully present, you know it. You are in your head working through your to do list or thinking about the row you had last night. You may still reach orgasm and have a good time but it won’t be great sex.

3 Plenty of Time. Now there are some exceptions to this rule. I can think of at least two quickies I had that were fantastic – however, when I actually look at those experiences in detail, they really did take plenty of time. Sex starts long before the physical connection between bodies. Arousal beings in the mind so great sex always starts there. There is the anticipation from fantasising about the love making to come. Sometimes foreplay begins with phone calls, emails, letters or texts and anticipation begins there. This can go on for ages. One of the quickies I thought of actually had a 6 week build up until I could finally visit my lover. The actual physical sex didn’t last long but that was just the finale. As a rule, if you take your time with foreplay, build anticipation, come close to orgasm and then back off of it only to build up again, you will have great sex. Many women feel that well planned sexual escapades and experiences are the ones that produce great sex. It is the time involved that take these experiences from good to great.

4 Being an expert on your body and your desires. Great sex happens most often when you really know what trips your trigger. If you are an expert, you can guide your partner during their exploration of all that is you. You don’t have to tell them everything in words (though that can be useful and also really hot). You can leave hints and let them know as they touch you what feels hottest.

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