H is for Hanky Code - a podcast by Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey - A to Z of Sex

H is for Hanky Code
Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is H and H is for Hanky Code. I am giving a trigger warning for today because as I go through the whole hanky code, I will mention fetishes that might make you feel uncomfortable, disgusted or trigger a negative reaction.

The Handkerchief Code (also known as hanky code, bandana code, or flagging) was originally used by gay men to signal what type of sex they were into. There are a couple of theories of where this began. The stranger theory is that after the Gold Rush, San Francisco was overrun with men. Since there weren’t enough women at dances, men danced together and the ones who were leading (the male role) wore a blue hanky and those who followed (the female role) wore a red hanky. Frankly, this theory seems a bit unlikely to me.

Flagging using keys (left pocket for top, right pocket for bottom) began in the 50’s and 60’s and was one of the ways that gay men could recognise each other. All through this time, gay sex was illegal in most localities so being able to tell if someone was interested in you without admitting openly that you were gay.

The second theory was that in 1971 or so, a journalist for the Village Voice (the first alternative newspaper which came from New York City – caters to creates and alternative lifestyles), suggested that instead of wearing keys in the left pocket (top) or the right pocket (bottom) hankies of different colours could give more information about what someone really likes. This makes more sense to me but has not gone beyond urban legend. It seems no one really knows how this got started. But get started it did, and in 1982 it was included in the Leatherman’s Handbook. It was a small code at first, with only a 10 categories signalled and used exclusively by gay men. In fact, many people suggested that the code wasn’t as important as the fact that it highlighted spaces where these activities took place and people who are open to these activities.


The use of the code has spread. It is now common with gay males looking for casual sex, people of all orientations who practice BDSM and in the US, Canada, Europe, Australia, New Zealand. It is not as widely used as in the past, but it is worth knowing and is an easy way to communicate in noisy environments. The code has expanded as well. Traditionally, hankies are worn in the back pocket. Now they are also worn around the wrist, ankle, leg (on the thigh above the knee) or around the neck with the tie on the left side to signify top, right side to signify bottom and centre to mean switch.

One of the current expanded code looks like this:
Black: Heavy S&M (left = dominant, right = submissive)
Grey: Bondage (left = top, right = bottom)
Black with white check: Safe sex (left = top, right = bottom)
Grey with Black: Light S&M (left = top, right = bottom)
Grey flannel: Left = Wears suits, right = likes men in suits
Black with white strip = left = likes black bottoms, right = likes black tops
Charcoal: latex fetish (left = top, right = bottom)
Black velvet: videos (left = has/takes videos, right = will perform for the camera)
Light blue: head (left = wants, right = cocksucker)
Light blue with white stripe: sailor (left =sailor, right = likes sailors)
Light blue with white dots: white (left = wants head from whites, right = white cocksucker
Light blue with black dots: black (left = wants head from blacks, right = black cocksucker)
Light blue with brown dots: Latino (left = wants head from Latinos, right = Latino cocksucker
Light blue with yellow dots: Asian (left = wants head from Asians, right = Asian cocksucker
Robin’s egg blue: left...

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