J is for Jingle Bells - a podcast by Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey - A to Z of Sex

J is for Jingle Bells: The A to Z of Sex Holiday Gift and Survival guide

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is J and J is for Jingle Bells. This is the A to Z of Sex Holiday Gift and Survival Guide.

The pressure around the holidays in the western world has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. The pressure starts with the idea that people will come together in family groups and everyone will have a great time. Children are taught that it is the most wonderful time of the year and often look forward to the holidays all year.

The reality is often far different than the picture of familial bliss that the media create each year. Many families cannot get together because of work commitments and distance or the money it costs to travel to where other family are especially now when airlines charge different fares according to ‘peak’ or ‘off peak’ times (and of course, holidays are always in peak times).

Holidays have become extremely commercialised and there is a large emphasis on present exchange. If you haven’t much money this can lead to high levels of disappointment or debt.

If there are fractures in your family through divorce, everything becomes more complicated and more stressful. If you are bereaved or simply single, this time of year is often extremely lonely.

This is also the time of year where alcohol and drug consumption increase and impulsive sex increases as well. Even people who avoid one night stands the rest of the year can give in to the pressure around the holiday time.

Stress often lowers the frequency of sex between partners at this time of year even though the expectations around this time of year can be that there should be more sex.

Here are my tips to make this time of year less stressful and to increase the amount of great sex when you have a few days off for the holidays.

If you have a partner or partners, discuss expectations for the holidays. Assumptions create more problems than anything else at this time of year. Talk about expectations about how you will spend the holidays, where you will spend the holidays, present giving, and who is in charge of the celebrations. Make sure that you work out good compromises in advance. If there are some traditions you absolutely can’t live without, make that clear.
Schedule intimate time on and around the holidays. It can feel overwhelming with all the commitments people make to family, friends and work colleagues. Don’t forget your partner (s). Make sure to prioritise some time even if it is only a couple of hours.
Plan to go to an event that encourages sensuality and experimentation. There are usually quite a few events around the holidays from burlesque to strip performances to sex positive parties, swingers parties, BDSM and kink events. If none of these appeal, why not check out an erotic movie?
Be clear about boundaries with partner (s), family, work colleagues and friends. If you find this difficult, it is a good time to practice setting boundaries.
Look for ways to lower overall stress in the lead up to the holidays. If money is an area of stress, limit your present buying budgets. Agree a low budget with lovers, friends and families. Thinking about gifting experiences.
If you are single, sit down and list out your expectations. Make sure to plan in time for relaxation.
Limit your drug and alcohol consumption.
If there are people you normally find difficult, consider either having a conversation with them prior to the holidays to make it more likely that there will be no problems or if you know that this is unlikely to work, avoiding having contact with the person or people.

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