P is for Pleasure and Pain - a podcast by Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey - A to Z of Sex

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is P and P is for Pleasure and Pain.

How different is pleasure and pain? Why do so many people gain intense pleasure out of what can also be intense pain? What kinds of pain are enjoyable? Today I will answer these questions.

Let’s start with the neuroscience behind pleasure and pain. Pain and pleasure used to be considered opposites but recent research has highlighted that there are lots of similarities between the anatomical substrates functioning in both. The ability to seek pleasure and avoid pain is important for survival. There is a lot of overlap in the chemistry of both sensations and they compete for primacy of processing in the brain. This might explain why some pain can be processed and perceived as pleasure.


Relief of pain can be experienced as intense pleasure. Particularly if the pain was acute and strong. Endorphins that are released as a result of pain are often experienced as pleasure. In addition, when a person experiences pain and also stress, the brain produces more melatonin and serotonin which changes the pain into pleasure. Finally, intense pain – particularly when the body believes danger is present, will produce a release of epinephrine and norepinephrine which will create a rush of pleasure.

One of the things that hurts good is when the pain stops. When you are pushing your body for a goal for example or when someone is massaging your sore muscles or aching joints. The relief associated with that pain is often perceived as intense pleasure.

Do masochists always enjoy pain? No. If a masochist stubs a toe, it will hurt and there will be no pleasure associated with that hurt. Part of what makes the difference between an action being experienced as painful and one being experienced as pleasurable is the context of the action. The delicious pain of a massage is happening in a safe environment with someone you trust. You can relax into the experience as a result. The final thing that make pain turn to pleasure is a lack of true fear. You may engage in role play with a partner that is very frightening or enjoy the surprise in horror movies but this is fear experienced in a safe environment.

Shame and guilt are intricately involved in sex for many of us raised in Western cultures. Most of us have been taught that sex and sexuality is somewhat shameful. Women are still being taught abstinence is the best course of action prior to marriage in many places. This might not be problematic in and of itself. After all, there is nothing inherently damaging in saving sexual activity until you are in a committed sexual relationship. (Though many relationship breakdowns and divorces could be avoided by making sure couples have some level of sexual compatibility prior to making a lifetime commitment.)

Rather the problem with preaching abstinence is the lessons that go along with this teaching. Young people are taught to avoid any sexual feelings. They are taught that sexual feelings are dirty, shameful or wrong. There is no teaching about the pleasure that can be experienced through sexual activity, no teaching about masturbation. Most of the teaching is about denying pleasure.

There is little talk about pleasure in sexual education. Girls are not taught that they should expect sex to feel good and a certainly not taught how to make sex feel good. Girls are not encouraged to learn their own bodies and so remain reliant on a partner for their pleasure and their orgasms. This is restricting enough. What is even worse is that boys are not taught about girls’ bodies and how to provide pleasure. Essentially sexual...

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