X is for Xenerotica - a podcast by Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey - A to Z of Sex

Hi everyone! Welcome to the A to Z of Sex. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host. We are working our way through the erotic alphabet one letter at a time. Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones. Today the letter is X and X is for Xenerotica.

Xenerotica is being turned on by strangers. People who are into this often find themselves in interesting situations. Some of these situations can be very high risk – meeting someone on tinder or online and going and having sex with them – without doing any background research or even letting friends or family know where you are going to be. Other situations can bring the strange and mysterious to already established relationships.

Surprise and mystery are important parts of keeping a relationship exciting. It can be really difficult to recreate mystery when you have been in a relationship with someone for a few years or more. But it is essential if you want to keep things firey.

My favourite example of bringing the strange or a stranger to an already established relationship comes from the book 9 ½ Weeks. In this book, E’s partner has her register at a hotel and when she arrives she finds a number of packages. There are instructions to dress in the clothing and when she is dressed, she is dressed as a man – in male drag – including facial hair. She meets her partner in the hotel bar. She has truly become a stranger.

It isn’t as difficult to become as stranger as you might think. You don’t have to change sex. All you need do is change your style and the way you present to your partner. Start by changing your hair style. A good wig can do wonders to completely transform your look. Add a new style of clothing and your partner may barely recognise you. Of course you want to look your sexiest. Don’t forget you are trying to seduce your partner. So create the hottest sexiest stranger that you know your partner will want to bonk and then arrange a date night. Don’t forget to let your partner know that you are going to change your appearance.

Another way to do this is to engage in role play together. You can cultivate a variety of characters and then your partner can really indulge in some xenerotica – having sex with loads of strangers.

Role play can seem really daunting. Most people worry about looking stupid. Role play is supposed to be fun. Laughter is a part of it. Sometimes the scene works and is smoking hot and other times it just seems a comedy. If you are interested in learning about role play, grab my eBook or why not join me for my workshop Casanova’s Secret. Email me as drloribeth@atozofsex.com for details.

True Xenerotica involves having sex with strangers. For many people, this means meeting someone on Tinder or another dating app and hooking up with little or no interaction to get to know each other. These folks are not looking for relationships. They are looking for exciting anonymous sex.

Why is this so exciting? There are more reasons than you might think.
Sex with a stranger allows you to be anyone. You step away from any preconceptions and into the experience as a new person. You can walk into the experience as all the best parts of you or as someone else entirely. And since you are not planning to see this person again, you don’t have to worry about what they think.

Sex with a stranger allows you to try out a fantasy that you might be worried is too way out or that you think your partner may not like or that you are too embarrassed to talk to anyone who knows you about. If you find you like enacting the fantasy, you can learn to talk to a partner about it. If it doesn’t go well, you walk away from the experience with no baggage.

Sex with a stranger can be great when you are horny but don’t want a relationship – especially when you have just had a bad break-up....

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