A New Home - a podcast by Ella Gibbins

“A New Home”

I promised myself I would only record this episode once I was living in a new home.

But even though I had the idea for this episode many months ago, my new home did not arrive for many months after. And, in fact, my journey to a new house was over a year long journey - I wanted to live in a place that felt like me - was spacious, would inspire me every day, and was surrounded by nature and the coast.

And though I had this vision sometime last year, it began to feel like an impossible dream as I couldn’t quite find the area, or the house that felt right - that felt like a reflection of who I was or how I truly wished to live.

For the most part the physical search for a home prompted a huge and deep emotional journey where my future housemate (and close friend) and I were learning what it was to feel truly self supportive and supportive of each other as we faced many personal fears as we didn't receive home after home or when the home that felt exciting to us didn't seem to be on the market.

Over the year whilst I held this vision in a part of me of a new and stunning home - the environment around me at the time often reflected the opposite and made me question myself constantly.

I had experiences that made me truly feel that I didn’t belong, that I was the odd one out, and that in fact this desire for a manifestation of a home was all a figment of my imagination that would never come.

I was often told "you can't just live on hopes and dreams Ella" and had to face my deepest insecurities that people truly didn't want me in their life - I had no place to belong.

What I was really cultivating and fortifying within myself was the ability to be strong in my compassion for self, my sense of belonging, and my belief that there is a place for me to express myself as I truly am.

My inspiration to create a physical home prompted the creation of an emotional home within that would provide the bedrock of my entirely new way of living my life, seeing the world, and seeing myself - to move to a physical and an emotional place where I could truly be myself, express myself, and live in my imagination where I would experience truly feeling trust, love, and support throughout my life.

My journey to a new home - of belonging, love, imagination, ease, harmony, and grace - physical and emotional - has taken me to face some of the darkest aspects of myself which have shown me all the ways I didn’t feel supported or like I belonged.

But I recognise (at some level) that this is the journey I’ve had to go on to truly feel like I belong here in what love means to me. And it’s been a journey of facing those fears and finding compassion, love, and support within me (and so practically outside of me) for every fear through kind words or loving actions toward myself and others.

This has been a journey to a new home for me but I see it as an analogy to a journey to a New Earth for all of us (an earth of harmony, love, and compassion starting with the way we see ourselves). And as we each of us find more and more that true home within ourselves well the very cool thing I’ve found (as evidenced by this new magical place I’m living in) is that reality presents that to us outside of ourselves.

And it feels amazing.

This episode - a long time coming! My journey to a new home both internally and without.

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Further episodes of the Atlas Emotions Series

Further podcasts by Ella Gibbins

Website of Ella Gibbins