Being is More Essential than Belonging - a podcast by David K Payne

“Live authentically. Why would you continue to compromise something that's beautiful to create something that is fake?” 
― Steve Maraboli

Today I was pondering the many interactions I had with people across several lines of interest and connections. Each week I interact with hundreds of people representing business, ministry, community, family, and friends. While contemplating life, I must admit that despite all my current success in life, there is a sense of sadness in me today.

This last week, I officiated a funeral of a man my age. I prayed with a husband and son, and for their wife and mom, who is dying too young.  I interacted with people I gave so much of my life to, only to have them choose to turn their back on me for fear of losing their livelihood. An individual approached me desiring to use someone in ministry to gain control of a personal matter in the name of God. I spoke with a mom who wanted a preacher to address her son, who is struggling with life, and hopefully encourages him to stay on the path she deems appropriate for him.  My oldest brother turned 71 this week, and I am still trying to find my place in ministry and work. There were many more people this week that I interacted with personally and professionally, each straining to cope with, strategize regarding, and keep up with the expectations of others regarding their personal lives.

I realize that what I am describing is life and is what we do. However, my sadness is that we are each bombarded with why who we are is not enough, and why we need to be something else, to be prosperous, happy, secure, accepted, and whole. Regularly hearing who we are is not good enough is so sad to me as we each innately possess what we need to be prosperous, happy, secure, and whole. However, we must push past and transcend the need of being accepted by others and "Just Be." Life will have challenges, struggles, obstacles, and many discouraging times, but the constant pressure to belong exacerbates these times, more than the freedom just to be. I think it hit me more clearly today than ever that our world is so against people being authentic. Yes, there are things we need to work on to be better members of society. But, in our present world, it appears as though we celebrate the appearance of being something, more than you just being. The reward is acceptance into the group. Acceptance into the cool group because of what you wear. Acceptance into the church group because of what you appear to be. Acceptance into the business group because of your ability to know the right people and seem to understand. I fear our world rewards the fake, the pretend, and the illusion of being because of outside appearance. We see an example of this in our constant obsession with how many likes we get on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Many times, we are not as concerned with saying something helpful and inspirational as we are with how many like we have. The sad reality is that for most what we put on social media is what we want people to think we are, in order again to be accepted.

My pondering and this writing were all stimulated today because Sundays are, for the most part, a very mentally heavy day for me. Aside from the immense relief of not having to be on my game seven days a week continually. Apart from the song line "easy like a Sunday morning" being truer than not, Sundays are still sad to me. Not being in church as much I see the masses of people coming and going from the religious institutions we call the church. I know the reality is that the one institution that should be teaching people how loved and accepted they are by God is not. Instead of always telling people where they are falling short, the church should encourage people to courageously use the gifts and talents in their hands to help others. Sunday in churches should be the one day each week where people who gather to worship God, should be celebrated for their uniqueness and authenticity.  Instead, Sunday, more than any other day is the one day that more people have to pretend to be happy, encouraged, prosperous, secure to be accepted.

While sharing my feelings with a friend today, it dawned on me that most likely, my Sunday sadness springs from the fact that I no longer belong anywhere.

For over 30 years of my life, I ministered to others, even putting them before my own family.  Two years ago, my life was beaten down by personal struggles, weaknesses, cancer,  and sin. Though I was in transition, I believed I would always find acceptance among people I was a part of for 55 years of my life.  Tragically, someone arose and demanded I leave or face their threats against me, and I found my self on the outside.

Even today, it saddens me to hear of things that are accepted and celebrated now in that institution that was never a part of who we were when I lead. Each week I never shied away from declaring my need of God, his grace and consistently relayed the realness of my humanity. Where I served for all those years, it appears there is an acceptance for what appears to be, for what pretends to be, and fake perfections seem celebrated more than flawed authenticity.

I have survived because of the prayers of a few close friends, and especially my family. That, coupled with my faith in God's love and the message of grace I preached for years, continues to keep me. However, sadly, I have nowhere I can ever belong again. I possess more peace personally than ever before. I have more faith than ever, but the trade-off was permanent expulsion from what I once thought would always be there for me. I could find another place that would accept me where I am today. But the moment I ceased to meet their set of expectations going forward, once again, I would be rejected and prohibited from belonging. I would once again find myself on the outside. I am now too old to spend my life seeking the approval of others.  I will spend my days, resources, and energy, declaring that who you are is enough. I will announce that God loves you and that he accepts you. I will do as Jesus taught his disciples. I will not be consumed or concerned with those who won't hear. I will speak the truth I know, and it will continue to set people free from the fake and give them the courage to find and live authentic lives.

I will leave you with this observation. Any group where of necessity you must pretend "to be" in order to belong, is not worthy of your presence. Walk away and "Just BE"!

In being you find you belong to the most significant group, God's family.

Just Be

David

Further episodes of "the DKP Word"

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