Love - The Bridge between Desire and Will - a podcast by David K Payne

“I define love Thus: The will to extend one’s self for the purpose for nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.”  -  M. Scott Peck

 In his book “The Road Less Traveled,” Peck describes love as the force that is motivation and the backbone to bring about growth in our lives. Absent a motivating force we might all remain stagnate and comfortable in our circumstances and situation. Without such a motivation our personal relationships lack the inspiration needed for two people to make adjustments that make it possible for two to work toward a similar purpose. Without such a motivating force, parents are more apt than not focus on self and ignore the very children born to their relationship. Some would accurately argue that we are in business relationships that are absent love but are motivated by money. The argument is correct that money is motivating factor, but long after allowances and rewards prompting us as children is passed, there must be a force that compels us to find the discipline in our lives to do advance, grow and mature in our lives. Peck argues that motivation is love and I tend to agree that he is correct.

This idea of love being the backbone be disciplined as to advance our paths and improve our lives must first being with our relationship to our self.  Peck states that it is impossible to love others without first loving self. (Peck, p. 82) I am in total agreement with Peck on this point, and this was the subject of my last blog. Before we can obey one of the great commands to love our neighbors as we do ourselves, we must first realize the connection love for others has to do with love for self. As stated in my last blog, some argue that love for self is just an excuse to be selfish and self-centered, but I want you to see that love for others arises out of your love for self.

Another means of coming to the understanding of love for others emanating from love for self is to see love as the inspiration to make desires reality. It is one thing to desire to be healthy mentally, emotionally and spiritually, but it takes discipline to seek the counseling, exercise and disciplining your eating habits to realize this wholeness. Desire sees what you want to be or do but will causes you to take the actions to achieve the desires. This discipline is made possible when you see that you’re important enough to make the adjustments, changes, and sacrifices necessary to achieve these results in your life. Taking Peck's definition of love, loving yourself gives you the will to take the steps required to grow.  This reasoning extrapolates then to love for others. We are motivated in the same way to extend ourselves for the growth of others when we love. We love others and are prompted to give of our time, resources and abilities for them to be able to grow in their lives. Peck makes this argument; “I believe it will become clear that not only do self-love and love of others go hand in hand but that ultimately they are indistinguishable.” (Peck, p. 83) As we see we possess the means to be able to help others, when we love them, we are motivated to extend ourselves toward them for their benefit.

Take some time to reflect on these thoughts of love causes you to extend your time talent and resources to others. And then contemplate the truth you must first possess something to be able to give it and meditate on the connection of how love for yourself is the backbone of you taking steps to be healthy and whole, which equips you to be able to give to others.

Just Be

David

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