Loving Self - a podcast by David K Payne

 “When you love yourself, you will find it easy to love others, because you cannot give what you do not have.” 
― Gift Gugu Mona

Jesus states that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. This statement is one that provokes many responses from people, all dependent upon the perspective of the hearer. On my view, there is a very clear, yet ignored truth within this command, to be able to love others, I must first love myself. I remember years ago talking about the most significant relationships in our lives and making just this point. After the presentation, I had several in attendance question the wisdom of teaching people actually to love themselves. The resistance to loving self is born out of several thoughts, but one being that we are to live selfless lives and put others before ourselves. Even last week while preparing the blog entitled, To Thine Own Self Be True, much of the commentary centered on how unhealthy it is to put self before others, afraid that somehow by loving ourselves we are being selfish.

 I am fully aware of the Christian teaching to consider others, forgive others, respect others and esteem others, but all of these miss a psychological truth that I believe is supported by the teachings of Christ. I cannot respect, consider, esteem, forgive and love others when I don’t love myself. How I view myself will influence how I interact with and deal with others. Therefore, statistically abused people tend to be abusers of others, and those who were never loved or respected find it difficult to pass these things onto others. When we are taught by Christ to love others, forgive others, give to others and act towards others, it is always with the backdrop of self. Knowing that you are worthy of being loved, forgiven, esteemed, respected provides the foundation from which you are able to give to the same to others. One of the missed or misinterpreted principles of giving and forgiving to received, is these teachings are rooted in realizing and responding to what we already possess.

 “When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs, and habits – anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” Kim McMillen

 The above quote highlights one of the reasons that many don’t want people to value themselves. When we begin to see our true worth, we stop allowing others to abuse, control and violate us. At the same time, we become a resource to be able to benefit and bless others.

 Self-care is never a selfish act — it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others. – Parker Palmer

 The truth is we get our ability to love others and ourselves from the realization that we are loved by God. You are not a mistake, you are not unlovable; instead, you are a creation of God and you are loved so much by God that God makes way for you to be a peace with him through Christ. Jesus taught that the two greatest commandments are to love God with everything you are, and your neighbor as yourself. The New Testament writer John declares that it is not that we loved God first, but that God loved us first and then we are able to love God. This truth supports the argument I am making as well. We find the ability to love others as ourselves when we first love ourselves. Your life is a gift from God and also a gift to those around you. View yourself as God sees you and watch life flow through you to others and begin to make a difference in your world.

 Just Be

David

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