S3 Ep6 Getting What You Really Really Want - a podcast by Krista Kim, Katherine McClelland

from 2020-08-19T08:15

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Compromise to make it go away?

Better today than yesterday. “Let’s give 'em something to talk about!”

1:04- Krista wishes she didn’t have to talk about it. Finding self doing things differently.

Growing up. Or maybe just growing. When we know better we do better. Moving through it more smoothly but not necessarily in the moment. Mr. RHRN and Krista navigate social gatherings being in an open relationship dynamic. Constant convo- is it open? Who’s going to get their way?

Freedom and space for him. Open relationship. Committed to her but if attracted or wants to have physical experience, should be able to do that. Feel safe and loved for Krista.

2:58- Krista feels differently, not comfortable with it yet.

Building life together. Open with flirty creative ideas. My man! Romantic notion.

Mr. RHRN- can never own someone

Alison Armstrong- until a woman feels safe, she doesn’t feel loved.

4:10- Growing pains around this situation. Got triggered when he “disappeared” at a party. Next time, checked in more but still disappeared. Still tend to have to clean up after the situation. Element of feeling like they’re not there together. Feelings of abandonment. Would like to enjoy romantic moments together.

5:50- Deep breaths. Expansion to be free and authentic. Kisses in the middle of conversation, important to her, even if not his normal tendency. Last party- felt really safe. Into me in public. Gives him lots of space. But was it too much for Krista’s comfort? RHRN giving a woman a massage & she was triggered & flipped out. Freak out!

8:11- Let go of fear and her “worst nightmare” happened. Set her off. So upset. In her not-so conscious mind, she said she was having a man over. Which she wasn’t but so hurt and angry needed to go for the jugular. When we stop feeling safe & loved, our survival system kicks into high gear. Kill or be killed. Caught HIM off-guard and walked off. She tried to make it better but he wasn’t having it. Was it the death of the relationship?

11:33- As time goes on, the stories inside us can grow into big monsters. As do we! So much fun. Snowball of an Orgy Story running through her mind. Finally fell asleep and woke to a text at 5am. Exhausted. Emotionally spent. Spent next 24 hours unpacking emotions and how they felt and what it meant. If we can’t separate yourself from the story and emotions, they end up driving the show. We either take the person down with him or they’re going down alone. Animal brain.

Fight/Flight/Freeze/Faint. Don’t have to use all four- can flip between them.

13:51- Initially Fight mode- don’t touch me mfer! Krista from the Block. Not playing this song again.

Flight- wanted to leave the party. Stepped back into loving to control how she reacted.

Couldn’t breathe, can’t go through this again.

15:11- How did we get here? I don’t have the answers.

Holy Spirit I surrender this to you, show me the way. In the moment of turning it over. Don’t need to hurt if walking away from it, just simply walk away. It’ll be okay no matter the outcome.

16:28- Forgiveness. Connect to our highest self. Fight/Flight/Freeze/Faint. Don’t have to use all four- can flip between them.

17:19- Heart wants what the heart wants but the mind, past trauma, and personal boundaries are challenged. Possibility of sacrificing can show up for many women.

Think you’ve moved out of fight but still in fix mode. Rather than reflection with higher self.

18:04- Katherine asks , “You could easily have done what? “

Rationalizing Brain- too much to drink, overreacting. It’s my fault, it’s no problem.

19:18- seduced into pleasing the other person. Turn it over to our higher self/Holy Spirit. But take it back.

His mind didn’t think it was a big deal. Not the behavior she wants. Doesn’t want to be policing him. Can’t relax at a party.

20:26- She wants to be the one watching the moon with her man.

Truth is there was probably some attraction between them.

21:03- Betrayal, people saw him, what were they thinking. Shame around it.

Set it up. We have a beautiful relationship, tell everyone, something happens.We’ve got this, we’re solid” I’m an idiot. Waste of time.

22:46- He thinks he’s given her enough to her emotional bank account to have certain freedoms.

But what isn’t being cared for? Cuddly at home, all is good. Then go out and bam. Possibility smacks her in the face.

23:48- Katherine asks? Who do you become in that space. What do you need to stay Krista, instead of Lunatic, Fuck YOu, I hate you, I don’t want you in my life, Get out.

25:12- Get even more aware of, what did you do differently? Didn’t give in but what exactly did you do? Held her line that she’s not the open relationship type of person. This isn’t who I am. To make you feel safe, do you need me to commit to you, I don’t want to lose you.

Old Krista- say yes, it would make me feel safe. This Krista- I don’t want you to commit to me because I’m asking you to. I want you to do it on your own.

27:07- About to sacrifice his own happiness. Instead, he got to decide where he wanted to take it. Desperately Seeking Commitment (Old Krista)

28:01- Desperately Seeking Future (RHRN)- says he’s never been happy. No synapse connection. Do what I want. Go where I want. Fuck whoever I want. That’s his idea of happiness. But he wasn’t even happy in those times. It’s the idea of it but never really real. Reprogram what happiness feels like. Neural pathways need shifting/evolving.

30:01- Are you willing to risk your relationship for yourself?

Each person can’t be true to themselves if that’s the case.

If I become okay with letting it all go, I will show up for myself.

Relationship > You = Sacrifice to your detriment = victimization

32:07- Come Hell or High water, you’re going to keep your commitment to me. I’ll do anything to keep you here. Make it work, no matter what. Doesn’t create beauty or healthy relationships.

Freedom. Clarity. Choices. BOOM!

33:52- I love us both so much, I’m not going to allow us to sacrifice for each other.

In giving him the choice, is the little hit worth what it destroys? He finally realized he was going to lose her, felt it really deep. Freedom gave him space to say “I Love You.” 6 months and haven’t gone there. Felt that way but never said it.

Minute we give it up to HS, it shifts the conversation.

37:46- She held back, sat back, and let time come when it felt natural, hoping he would be the one to say it first. Energy got clear. Put herself first. Found her way back.

Create the drama and ends up being a manipulation.

38:43- Let the man be the man and the declaration come from him. Trusted her intuition, what was inside their partnership. The intuition of the relationship itself.

Saying I Love You out of responsibility or obligation, not a free-flowing expression, it’s something that’s fabricated. Allowing him to be in the masculine.

39:56- Big moment from a strange place. Something opened, something deepened, so In Love feeling. Journey- giving him space to open his heart. Heart opens at these Wake Up moments to shake us to what’s important, what’s valuable, what serves us.

41:34- Same scenario could create a manipulation, grabbing hold from a place of loss, not a place of love. Minute rules come in, never works. Both people must be in complete integrity for themselves.

42:02- Pathway to partnership is both people being clear and coming together in the clarity to see if they fit. As opposed to enmeshment. Step into their own integrity, heart expansion, both can get what they need. No one is compromising in the moment. Still no answers. Feels like more clarity. A coming together. Solution out there somewhere, or in there somewhere. Communication. Clarity. Over Compromise. Freedom.

43:55- Teaser for another time. “Problems never resolve on the level of consciousness where they were created.” Einstein- When we invite ourselves into a higher consciousness, slowly negotiate what works for both to have needs met.

45:08- Sprinkles of Possibility. Willing to be Creative and Exploratory.

Creating from Partnership over creating from relationship.

Partnership, can be in processing for a while. Get really real. Space changes. Works perfectly.

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