Podcasts by The United States of Air: a Satire
The National Sewer Agency is spying on people's toilets, looking for food terrorists...
Food Enforcement Agent Jason Frolick believes in America. He believes in eating air. He struggles to get the food monkey off his back. As part of the Global War on Fat, his job is to put food terrorists in Fat Camp.
When a pizza dealer gets whacked in the park across the street from the Thin House, the Prophet Jones himself asks Frolick to investigate. For the first time ever, Frolick solves a murder--but what he finds out shakes his faith.
Will he ever be able to eat air again?
Be sure not to miss Chapters 13 1/2, 17 5/8, and 27 98/100!
Further podcasts by J.M. Porup on Podiobooks.com
Podcast on the topic Kunst
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USofAir 28 from 2013-08-06T03:11:54
Chapter 28 -- It is hard, eating air. Sometimes you feel so empty inside. My heart goes out to you. All of you. But do not fear. We, the United States of Air, are here to help you. To free you f...
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USofAir 27 98/100 from 2013-08-06T03:04:56
Chapter 27 98/100 -- LaOmelette Park. Foood! Foood! You're going to pay, alright. Kill me! Now's your chance! Real live scientists? It's their fault! The ferrners fault! I can get you off the ho...
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USofAir 27 from 2013-08-06T02:52:33
Chapter 27 -- My trial lasted fifteen minutes. A bus ride. Welcome to the final stage of human evolution. Firewood? She spat and turned her back on me. The other prisoners avoided me. U-S-A! U-S...
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USofAir 26 from 2013-08-06T02:42:38
Chapter 26 -- A visit to Harry Green in hospital. Gone to Canafooda. They don't stand a chance against my calorie-fueled karate moves. A platoon of heavily-armed Thin Berets. Who are you people?...
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USofAir 25 from 2013-08-06T02:37:25
Chapter 25 -- Come out with your hands on your belly. The Sushi Gang. Tastes better when they're sweaty, like salty popcorn! A crumbling supermarket. Escape? It's sushi time... An old friend ret...
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USofAir 24 from 2013-08-06T02:32:13
Chapter 24 -- I went insane. I know that now. I woke to the sounds of laughter. Could I have some real food, please? To Agent Froleek! Heez first good meel een yeerz! If this is slavery, baby, I...
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USofAir 23 from 2013-08-06T02:26:54
Chapter 23 -- They ripped the fat suit off me and tied me naked to a chair. Torture. No! Not that! Anything but that! Please! Meet my head chef. Show him the video! The world began to spin. The ...
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USofAir 22 from 2013-08-06T02:22:24
Chapter 22 -- What happened to the lights? The French police? They're what???
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USofAir 21 from 2013-08-06T02:18:53
Chapter 21 -- Fatso's Thanksgiving bash. Caponey Baloney! How eez my-ee fayvoreet don frum Chicago? You're a gangster. Attitude! The table of honor. But how to poison the soup? A toast: to the P...
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USofAir 20 from 2013-08-05T22:02:52
Chapter 20 -- A visit to Food Court. It was just a cracker. Sentencing. In judge's chambers. Can I offer you some refreshment? Toilet tap. Now do you believe me? Then they know everything! Not t...
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USofAir 19 from 2013-08-05T21:51:51
Chapter 19 -- That unholy Thursday. Your disguise: Alberto Caponey Baloney. Favorite food: peeg deek on a steeck. But how do I walk? How do I talk? How do I hold myself? You're the law. You must...
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USofAir 18 from 2013-08-05T21:49:04
Chapter 18 -- Dr. Full Stummick, Naturopath. A promise is a promise. Soup's on! Chop Suey No. 17. Hungry for the truth. And only the truth. Take that! And that! La Resistance. Mais oui. I could ...
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USofAir 17 5/8 from 2013-08-05T21:43:43
Chapter 17 5/8 -- Little girl, what's your name? Your mommy says you have to go potty. Is that true? Cap sprung me from the brig. Why can't you learn to play ball? A test. You can tell Internal ...
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USofAir 17 from 2013-08-05T21:39:29
Chapter 17 -- The deadline had passed. Schoolchildren would learn my name and revile me. A gift card. A stirring patriotic sight. It reminded me of the flag-raising on Iwo Jima. The man in the p...
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USofAir 16 from 2013-08-05T21:34:25
Chapter 16 -- A press conference. Hit me with a hard one. Where did you pick up that rumor? The jet came in low from the south. He's turning away! Thin Berets. Neither, sir sir sir sir sir.
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USofAir 15 from 2013-08-05T20:51:31
Chapter 15 -- They couldn't all be corrupt, could they? Terror clawed at my soul. Suppose she's right. Where would I go to get some food? Everything I'd worked so hard to build would fall apart....
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USofAir 14 from 2013-08-05T20:45:31
Chapter 14 -- A dozen red roses. Daddy, Daddy, how was your day? But--what--what are you doing? Bacon? Are you crazy? I'm going downstairs to pray. For you. Do I have to call child services? Hip...
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USofAir 13 1/2 from 2013-08-05T20:38:18
Chapter 13 1/2 -- Send me up some chicken wings. Would you really let me starve to death? He's coming back tomorrow morning. My bags are packed. A footnote.
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USofAir 13 from 2013-08-05T20:33
Chapter 13 -- A woolly mammoth? Newfangled nonsense. It's uncommon sense that got us into this mess in the first place. The control tower swayed from side to side. That tickles. Maybe I've put o...
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USofAir 12 from 2013-08-05T20:29:16
Chapter 12 -- The Sewer High-Intensity Transit System. An accident. Frolick. My friend. Do something for me. Is he going to die? The control tower. Does this mean what I think it means? I'm on a...
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USofAir 11 from 2013-08-05T20:02:57
Chapter 11 -- With or without sprinkles? No more Mister Twenty-Five-Star Nice Guy. Air Traffic Controller Blobbalicious Superfattypants. A traitor in our midst! Lt. Capt. Maj. Col. Bouwelles. Ge...
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USofAir 10 from 2013-08-05T19:51:22
Chapter 10 -- The Plumber. PhD from the Massachussetts Institute of Toilet Technology. Kill the leaks! The turd that got away could be the secret to where Fatso is. Too Secret For You. Jacques C...
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USofAir 09 from 2013-08-05T19:41:50
Chapter 9 -- The National Sewer Agency. General Full O'Shitt, at your service. Total Poo Awareness. I think it's time the Thin House learned exactly what we do here at the NSA. We've got toilet ...
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USofAir 08 from 2013-08-05T19:31:57
Chapter 8 -- The Lincoln Memorial. Back door passage to the NSA. Biometrics. Top Top Super Double Dip Hot Fudge Sundae With A Cherry On Top Secret. Rank balloons. Poo-AHH! The vault door opens.
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USofAir 07 from 2013-08-05T17:48:20
Medical Examiner Hot 'N' Juicy. The coroner's "special ham." An autopsy. A French spy! What they found in his stomach. The murder weapon.
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USofAir 06 from 2013-08-05T17:34:05
Chapter 6 -- Bakin Cheez Burgher VIII, a.k.a. Rat Boy. The fierce urgency of now. The River Potomacncheese. Cockroach mousse, anyone? An interrogation. Where's Fatso?
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USofAir 05 from 2013-08-05T17:18:43
Chapter 5 -- Agent Erpent of the SS. WWTPD? A phone call. From the Prophet. For me? The Coalition of the Fasting. Find Fatso! Fastest way to the morgue is through the Georgetown food ghetto. The...
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USofAir 04 from 2013-08-05T17:03:35
Chapter 4 -- The crime scene. Zero-calorie burgers. A body in the park. A million-dollar, uncut pizza. Who knows why these crazed food terrists do what they do? They hate us for our freedom. Our...
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USofAir 03 from 2013-08-05T16:52:45
Chapter 3 -- A murder investigation. A pizza dealer got whacked in LaOmelette Park, across the street from the Thin House. A desperate housewife. Agent Green's problem. A confession. If you see ...
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USofAir 02 from 2013-08-05T16:39
Chapter 2 -- Food is a drug. You don't need to eat. That's a myth. All you need is air! Meet the Prophet. You must see the change you wish to be in the world! The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Fir...
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USofAir 01 from 2013-08-05T16:25:12
Chapter 1 -- Welcome to the Global War on Fat! Time for all you ferrners out there to learn how to ear air. Food terrism must be destroyed!
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