053: Emotional Intelligence In Relationships - a podcast by Ali and Lynn

What is emotional intelligence?

The ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in ways that help communicate effectively, empathize with others, and defuse conflict. The four attributes of EQ or emotional intelligence are:

1. Self-awareness – you are aware of your own emotions, your strengths/weaknesses, and how they are affecting your thoughts and behavior



2. Self-management: you’re able to manage your emotions in healthy ways, follow through on commitments, be adaptable to changing situations, and control impulses.



3. Social awareness: you understand the emotions of others, pick up on social cues, and recognize the varying roles of those within a group or work environment



4. Relationship management: you know how to maintain good relationships, communicate with clarity, inspire and influence others, work well within a team, and navigate conflict.

There are many different areas in which our EQ affects, but today we’re going to focus on relationships. By understanding your emotions and how to manage them, you’re better able to express your feelings as well as understand how others are feeling. This allows you to communicate effectively and create stronger relationships.

What is emotional intelligence in relationships?

This is being in tune with your emotions and the emotions of your partner, which minimizes conflict and misunderstandings. This can also include you being aware of changes within the relationship. Shifts in energy, including the feminine and masculine dynamics of every relationship (for more on this, check out podcast episode #3). When dynamics shift, you become adaptable to your want/needs and your partners wants/needs within the relationship.

You are assertive in communication, knowing how you feel and giving yourself time and space to properly respond rather than react. You assert boundaries and lay them out directly to your partner. You are open and honest, rather than bottling up your feelings and allowing them to build resentment. You practice empathy and seeing the perspective of your partner. You actively listen to your partner and create a safe, uplifting environment to communicate. 

Lastly and most importantly, your partner also is willing to practice emotional intelligence in the relationship. Meaning, you are not the only one doing the work.

Key word is “work”. You must both be willing to communicate in vulnerable ways which may feel uncomfortable at first. But once you increase your EQ in relationships, you will see them from an empowering perspective, one where you’ll realize how much they have helped you grow as a person. A relevant quote I heard recently is, “Empowered people do what is hard, and that’s why their lives are easy. People in suffering do what is easy, and that’s why their lives are hard.”

Ali: Relationships don’t need to be difficult – in fact, the easiest relationships I’ve had are the ones where my partner is in tune with his emotional intelligence. He and I were able to thoroughly communicate our needs to each other, and hardly had any unresolved conflict because we were willing to be open and vulnerable with each other.

 

How do we cultivate EQ in our relationships?

 (romantic, platonic, and/or coworking relationships)

• Learn to manage your stress – high levels overwhelm our spirit, which can affect our ability to accurately read a situation and really hear what the other person is saying. It interferes with our ability to communicate clearly. A good starting point is to take a deep breath before responding in a stressful situation.



• Become aware of and connect to your emotions – tune into yourself and see how you’re truly feeling. A starting point for this would be to journal your emotions at night before sleep.



• Improve non-verbal communication – focus on the other person (really listen to what they’re saying rather than what you’re going to say next – aka listen to understand, not respond), make eye contact, open your body posture



• Make a connection rather than conversation – asking better questions is one way to do this, truly be interested in the other person rather than asking a question from the ego. A good example of this would be to ask the other person what their passions are, instead of what they do for work



• Open your perspective, use playfulness and humor – this is how we can learn to alchemize otherwise heavy emotions and more easily communicate from a lighter place



• Resolve conflict in a healthy, constructive way – stay focused in the present, forgive, know timing/when to disengage from a conflict

Credit to talentedladiesclub.com for information on EQ // Episode Sponsor Solluna. Intuitive guidance, energy healing, and cosmic truth by Ali // Music by www.purple-planet.com // IG @gwtefpodcast // Email gwtefpodcast@gmail.com

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