Betrayed Spouses Shouldn’t Be Too Nice and Should Voice Their Needs - a podcast by Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst
from 2022-02-18T20:11:51
Dr. Rob and Tami answer this week’s questions that focus on how to deal with relapsing addicts coming out of treatment. Betrayed spouses shouldn’t accept too much from the recovering addict’s behavior. They need to take care of themselves first and need to think about their own future, assessing if they would be happier staying or leaving to focus on themselves. Everybody gets to choose.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:15] In your experience, do you find people with porn addiction to have a tendency to relapse and what is the best way for me to handle it?
[2:00] Tami talks about what is a porn blocker vs. a filter and which of the two options can work best.
[3:25] Slip vs relapse. Dr. Rob talks about the difference between the two.
[6:30] Spouses shouldn’t be too nice and should pay attention to the deception an addict is causing around them.
[10:15] Some addicts out of treatment could be overwhelmed as they are vulnerable but that’s part of the process.
[11:00] After 40 years of marriage and 3 years of separation, my husband hasn’t rebuilt trust. My counselor says my husband is ‘remarkable’ for supporting me financially during the separation. Any suggestions for me?
[12:10] The counsel from your therapist is an abuse. Dr. Rob explains how.
[13:55] Dr. Rob advises to focus on having a good life rather than having a person constantly leaving and mistrusting.
[14:50] How can I help my husband become more transparent? Sometimes he leaves pieces of his story out because he believes they aren’t important but when I ask questions he reveals info that I feel is so incredibly important.
[16:25] It is not your job to make someone be more transparent.
[19:45] What healthy boundary do you need to set? Tami asks to set your safety boundaries and meet your needs first.
[20:55] My SA husband primarily acted out through fantasy and masterbation. We have a full therapeutic disclosure coming up in a few weeks. I’m wondering how much detail I should ask about?
[21:20] Dr. Rob advises to write all possible questions you have and bring it to your therapist or support groups to ask for feedback.
[24:15] If the answers you get does not help you feel good about yourself and your relationship moving forward, you are best to avoid the question.
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency Book by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control Book by Robert Weiss
Further episodes of Overcoming Betrayal
Further podcasts by Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst
Website of Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst