My Recovery Is the Priority For Us to Have a Relationship - a podcast by Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst
from 2022-03-30T21:47
Dr. Rob answers today’s questions on disclosures, setting up healthy boundaries, and the impact of trauma in addiction. He describes the difference between bottom-line and middle-circle behaviors and what to do to heal your relationship. He shares that Seeking Integrity exists to help addicts go to the underlying issues that drive their addiction.
TAKEAWAYS:
[:25] My addiction is MB with porn and fantasy. At the disclosure, can you tell how much detail to disclose and when and where?
[:55] Dr. Rob advises against doing disclosure without the support of professionals and what to share and not share during one.
[3:45] What do you suggest when a CSAT, a sponsor, and the spouse all disagree on a particular situation?
[4:10] Dr. Rob provides an example of objectification to share his insights.
[6:16] Spouses don’t need to know every sexual thought, what is important to share are the slips.
[8:30] While every spouse may want to know every detail, addicts need to set a healthy boundary for their recovery.
[8:50] How can a husband, who does the recovery work consistently, suddenly drop out and say it’s all too overwhelming for him?
[10:20] Insanity when acting out vs. commitment to healing. Dr. Rob explains the difference.
[11:35] What types of non-sexual trauma can manifest as addiction and why?
[12:30] The number one driver of sexual acting out is neglect. Dr. Rob shares his own experience.
[16:00] Our experience with trauma through early life is that if we reach out and try to get attention, it’s not going to be met. So addicts choose controllable situations even though they are superficial.
[19:20] I’m a chemsex addict and I have difficulty setting boundaries. How do I set boundaries when I have immense shame because of my cheating?
[20:45] Your recovery is focused on you and your healing, not your acting out.
[23:00] It is good for addicts to see the pain that they’ve caused someone they love.
[24:00] Dr. Rob shares more references that can be useful that are free.
[25:25] After discovery, the compliments I make to my wife seem to have the opposite or no effect. Is this normal?
[27:35] During the first year of recovery, Dr. Rob shares what you should not say to someone you love or are married to.
{29:25] Dr. Rob reminds addicts to plan out their time for the holidays. Primary triggers for acting out is unstructured time.
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Further episodes of Overcoming Betrayal
Further podcasts by Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst
Website of Robert Weiss, PhD, MSW and Tami VerHelst