Getting Real Around Depression and Emotions - a podcast by Carla Royal, Juliet Fay

Here’s what we explored:

• noticing that teachers who are humble, light-hearted, and really grounded, you can experience a deep heart to heart connection without the usual personal details
• it is our thinking that takes us out of an awareness of connection
• when we feel a sense of connection: space opens up, in our heart, in our minds, in our day
• when we seem to have 'lost connection', we go looking in our toolbox for techniques to help us out but they're not always helpful because they are old and stale.
• whereas there is fresh, helpful thinking available for this moment, right here, right now
• 'going into our head' is a place where we are cut off from connection. There's - not much joy, nothing fresh there but it feels safe
• Carla is noticing how that disconnection response takes the joy and engagement out of all parts of life and that doesn't feel okay
• we can take a moment to be in awe of the creative nature of or coping mechanisms brought to us via the power of Thought
• then our minds rush in to ask, 'I don't feel connected, how do I feel more connected?'
• the only thing that takes us out of a feeling of connection is the thinking that says, "I am not connected"
• notice the moments when our problem thinking just dissolves for example when we get on a call with a client or colleague - that was a change of thought
• you can just let it be, if you can and if you can't, let that be!
• once we decide how we feel is a problem, that is when we can get really stuck
• when depression lifts (often it feels like it just dispersed) is when we get fresh thinking
• fresh thinking can happen at any time
• whether we fight it, we collapse into it, surrender to it or transcend it, either way, it will pass
• analysis and judgment can plunge us into shame
• sometimes when we're struggling, we can realise perhaps it is lack of sleep - we're exhausted
• it's helpful when you remember all the things you've come through in the past
• think of the ancient live oaks, still standing for 3-400 years, through hurricanes and all kinds of weather
• they began as tiny acorns. In an acorn is the blueprint of the mighty oak. But it didn't happen overnight
• think of the rosebud: you can't force open that bud, it will open in its own time
• relax, let life unfold, we don't need to figure it out.
• life is living the tree, the bloom and us
• 'let wisdom come to you', says Christine Heath
• Juliet tells her story of experiencing depression and her seeing the stages she went through
• massive resistance ensued and she was in battle but she noticed how the feeling is a guide
• exhaustion and numbness followed
• then the collapsing began to happen and it started to look hopeless
• she noticed the fine distinction between collapsing and surrendering
• surrendering was a kind of acceptance and there was a release
• she strummed her ukulele and the tears came (which also looks comical in retrospect)
• the less we care about how we feel the less it matters and the less it sticks
• Juliet was obsessed with how she felt and believed there was a lot of valuable information in how she felt
• it looked like there was useful information in my feelings: about myself, about the world, about other people
• when we realise there is something bigger than our feelings then our feelings don't matter so much
• as our heart opens and we connect with something bigger - it's that which cleans up our stuckness
• you can't make yourself surrender
• you can't make yourself have an insight
• but we can settle down and open to the possibility of insight
• the song 'Don't worry, be happy' used to make Carla so mad as it felt so dismissive and invalidating of her emotions
• knowing that when our thinking changes we will see things differently is helpful even if it doesn't immediately pop us out of our mood
• acceptance and allowing are hugely helpful and as we see deeper these naturally arise more
• excessive gentleness, listening, and curiosity
• when someone is in distress and we meet them and our heart is open, we don't know what we're going to say but we can trust that people will feel the love
• you can't think your way or force your way into acceptance and surrender
• there is a deeper feeling and connection available to us
• knowing something else will come around is so helpful
• when we all caught up, we can't feel our divinity, only our heavy humanness. What Juliet and Carla can do is see and connect with the divinity in their clients
• we want to share and explore the divinity we see in each other and our listeners
• Juliet appreciates Carla's willingness to show the listeners how we can be in our messy human-ness one minute and then pop out of it
• Juliet shares how much energy she put into hiding how she felt, hiding how much of a mess she was and how exhausting that was
• Juliet sees that in the act of trying to hide her messiness (or human-ness), she created so much suffering

Quotes and References

• “Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
  ― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times
• "Every storm runs out of rain" Maya Angelou
• "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them." Albert Einstein
• How deep can we go? Exploring the edge of our grounding and looking beyond. 3PGC online 3-day event, recordings available to purchase.
• "Let wisdom come to you", Christine Heath
• Don't worry, be happy, song by Bobby McFerrin 1988

Sending love to all our listeners. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

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CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

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