Staying Out of Drama - a podcast by Carla Royal, Juliet Fay

Here’s what we explored:

• noticing how personal drama is also rearing up at this time of big drama on the US and European stage
• what's the alternative to joining the fray?
• we know living in drama is exhausting
• brain science says our brains are melodramatic and have a negativity bias
• we're hardwired to look for the negative, knowing that can help us not judge ourselves
• when we're in a personal drama we can feed on other bigger dramas
• Carla gave an example of lying on the couch depressed and crying at victims of violence in Kosovo
• it looks like a big gesture would sort out that uncomfortable feeling
• it looks like things outside of us are giving us our feelings
• in fact, we are generating our feelings from within
• Jamie Smart's story of the teddy bear.
• the child loves the teddy bear so much and feels all these beautiful feelings apparently from the teddy bear
• if you take the teddy bear away, the child cries
• yet if you look inside the teddy bear, there is no love and care, only stuffing.
• we often mistakenly attribute feelings of well being to things outside ourselves when in fact they come from within
• we don't always realise that feelings come and go and have no objective meaning in them about ourselves or the world
• we have a tendency to collapse into the drama of our feelings
• we are experiencing many losses, of time with loved ones, income, health, prospects
• if we believe all our security lies in those things then this time is very frightening
• when we glimpse our security and wellbeing lies deeper than our feelings, we ride through the experiences of loss and triumph with more equilibrium
• it's counter-intuitive because one of the hallmarks of stress is urgency, but getting curious about where your wellbeing actually rests, is helpful
• even a fleeting inquiry can take you out of the drama
• Carla talks of the tyranny of the urgent when we freak out about problems
• story of a client going into panic mode about a business issue
• Carla laughs at the panic and reminds the client all is okay and in response, the client started laughing
• the stressful, urgent feeling is a wake-up call that we've gone off track, from our sense of equilibrium
• sit on the bank of myself and let the pond of myself come back to stillness
• don't take our word for it, if you're a bit curious about it, notice for yourself, when you get nudges that are trying to help you get back into equilibrium
• in a state of insecurity our judgment can be a bit off
• no better time to turn within because the old structures are changing fast
• Carla talks about her break down, breakthrough where everything had to collapse for things to transform
• her programmes are called Metamorphose because she is there to help clients transform if that is what they want to do.
• she's not there to make them better caterpillars!
• the system we're living in is not working, maybe it needs to fall apart
• the ego tries to make order out of chaos
• as our sense of something deeper than our moods grows, we get less fascinated by our ego
• helpers and healers and artists are stepping into the centre now to help redress the balance of a society over-identified with the mechanistic
• Carla tells the story of falling into hopelessness yet the next day she came out of it and felt fine
• before, she could stay in those feelings for days, weeks, or years.
• if we can refrain from getting so involved in it and just carry on, those feelings dissolve on their own
• looking with curiosity in the direction of the source of our experience is far more enjoyable than collapsing into our feelings
• the more you can look away from the drama and wonder about being alive it brings you into a more open space
• from there, your thoughts shift more easily
• Carla talks about the all-consuming depression and waking up in the hospital and the depression lifted never to return with the same intensity
• however, she did experience anxiety afterward
• Carla remembers wandering in the woods and her nervous system began to relax. She did it for years
• when we connect to the mystery, to that life force, to nature, to ourselves it puts us in touch with the fact that Life is living us.
• rather than sitting in nature being a prescription, it occurred to both of us to go into nature and appreciating those nudges
• we are always connected except that our thinking tells us we are not
• allow the things on our mind to just flow through
• we get so wrapped up in our stories about everything it obscures that connection
• when we feel connected it doesn't occur to us to get so caught in our thoughts
• the deeper essence is not what feels overwhelmed; the ego gets depressed
• our true essence is not fragile, it can't be riled up
• we can get very wedded to our opinions and yet in reality our thoughts can and do change all the time
• our judgments about ourselves are not coming from our essence - they are not reliable
• what, in us, is experiencing life?
• no better time for this exploration
• what really supports us?
• Viktor Frankl found the good the true and the beautiful in the midst of a concentration camp
• The stillness is inviting but be gentle with yourself when you jump into drama
• When you feel that connection you'll know whether you need to speed up or slow down
• a real-time internal GPS is available for us

Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.

Quote/sources

- The End of Your World, by Adyashanti

- Jamie Smart, coach

- Man's Search For Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website - CarlaRoyal.com

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CONNECT WITH JULIET

Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

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Website - Solcare

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