008 Mitley Southey on not fitting in, sister wounds and healing ourselves - a podcast by Clare Foale

Mitle is a dear friend. A circle holder. An intuitive guide. A mentor. A mum and a partner.

She is a story shifter. A truth seeker. A believer in the power of radical alignment, courage, women, sisterhood, tea and cake, baths, journalling, co-creating, tapping and storytelling.

Her mission is to bring women together to share safely and sacredly, as we have done for hundreds and thousands of years.

In this episode, she chats with me about Sister Wounds.

"As women, we can have a tendency to talk about the sisterhood and it's become, in my view, it's become a bit of a slogan and perhaps there's not a lot of substance under it sometimes.

When I look back at my history of relationships with women, my first experiences, I've never felt that I fit it in. I've never found it easy to make friends. My first experience of kind of being really ostracized was when I was 11 years old at my very first boarding school. And I was ostracized by an entire year level.

It was an experience that showed me how girls, women can treat one another. And it wasn't just the women in my year. When my parents complained, I was then treated in a dreadful way by the house mistress. And I was really singled out for being a troublemaker."

In exploring other women's experiences, Mitle discovered:

"We all had times and places where we had been abused, mistreated, ostracized, fallen out with, had conflict that was never resolved with another woman. And so as we were stepping into this idea of women rising again, and coming together in these places to share and be with one another, underlying that was a current of mistrust"

What we talked about:

• Being honest enough to admit, 'I have supported other women. I have been harmed by other women. And, I have harmed other women'.
• Owning and unpacking the shadow helps us heal it
• Being radically honest with ourselves
• Taking care of ourselves means taking care of ALL the aspects of ourselves, mind, emotions, soul and body
• Looking at ourselves with curiosity, forgiveness, compassion and love
• The history of witch hunts and how this affects women today.
• During these times, any gathering of women could be accused of being witchcraft
• Past lives and how they affect our current situation
• Fight or flight response is based on masculine energy. There is very little attention to women and how women react in stress
• Women's response is often gather together to tend and befriend, rather than fight or flight
• The experience of women being pitted against each other in a competitive way
• A subtle mis-trusting of each other which may not be something that is recognised at a conscious level
• A great way to heal these wounds is in a circle, with women who are open to this work
• Becoming aware of your judgements. How do you judge other women?
• Where there is judgement, it is a reflection that it's a part of yourself that you're not accepting.
• Journalling is a great way to dig deep and uncover what is going on.
• Tapping (EFT) as another helpful tool to clear blocks and heal

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