Raised by a Hijackal, a Toxic, Difficult, Even Narcissistic Parent? - a podcast by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
from 2018-03-27T13:00
SAVE YOUR SANITY: HELP FOR HANDLING HIJACKALS®
with Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor
Today. I talk about what happens if you're raised by a toxic, difficult person. What are some of the things that you might look at within yourself and:
- the way your life is going
- the way your relationships are going
- the way you feel about yourself
- the way you expand or contract in the world
That might have its basis in being raised by a difficult toxic parent somewhere deep down inside yourself.
You know you're not quite fine. You might say you are, but you know you're not and maybe you can't even put your finger on how you know you're not. So I wanted to offer some things today that might help you understand that. Deep down in there, there are some beliefs. I'm going to talk about five of them that you might just examined and see if they're true for you.
This can help you understand what a horrible gift your Hijackal parent gave you.
I created the term, Hijackals, for those people who hijack relationships for their own purposes and then scavenge them for power, status and control. A lot of parents fall into that category, so these might be good for you to work through and replace because they're mistaken beliefs about yourself. They were about the Hijackal, not about you.
Your brain grows until you're in your mid twenties, but by then, you're on a path and you may not even take time to examine what has happened to you. You think "It's just what I do," "It's just where I'm going and with whom," and you don't really recognize the impact of all that happened from the time your brain started developing, and that's huge.
Particularly what happened to us in the first two, three years of life makes a huge difference!
So think about these:
- What was going on in your house before you even had language?
- Who was there?
- Were they happy you were?
- Were they annoyed by your presence?
You were there, a baby experiencing life by putting everything in your mouth, exploring everything you could touch and trying to make those giants whom you needed to keep you alive, interested and happy. You smiled and you laughed and you made encouraging noises, trying to attract them. That didn't work.
So you cried and they responded, but how did your parents respond?
- Were they loving?
- Did they come in time?
- Were they happy?
- Were they warm?
- Were they concerned about you or did they give you a feeling that you were a nuisance?
- Did you feel like you should make yourself small, not take up space?
These things make a big difference in how you feel about yourself as an adult, AND how you are able to create healthy relationships.
So many beliefs you may have about yourself now, as an adult, that stem from how your Hijackal parent treated you in your early life, long before you had language. That really matters!
I encourage you to spend time and reflect on this episode, and how it played out in your own life. If your parent is judgmental, critical, and competitive, it will ring true!
And, I invite you to read my free ebook, How to Spot a Hijackal, at Hijackals.com and find out. If s/he is a HIjackal, you need more strategies and insights and they're there for you.
If you need help with this, I'm here for you. Subscribe to my newsletter, Tips for Relationships, HERE.
Let's talk soon. I can help. Schedule an initial consultation HERE for only $97.
I hope this empowers you to make positive changes NOW.
Talk soon.
Rhoberta
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD,
The Relationship Help Doctor
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