Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater - a podcast by Dr. Jessica OReilly

Let's talk about cheaters. Whether motivated by narcissism, commitment issues, or insecurity, Sexologist and Relationship Expert Jessica O'Reilly discusses the reasons why people cheat. Can you still be a good person after you've cheated?

Rough Transcript:This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin EaterParticipant #1:
Hello. My name is Jessica O'Reilly, and I'm a sex and relationship expert, and my focus is on sexual compatibility because sexual compatibility is essential to a lasting, happy relationship. I am here to help you become sexually compatible because compatibility is something you cultivate. It's not something you find. You have to work for it, and it will be worth it once you're living happily ever after. Today's show is all about cheating. Why does that happen? And what can you do about it? This week, cheating is everywhere in our news feeds. Usain Bolt my hero, my fave waking up late at night to watch him run. There have been photos revealed of him in bed with a girl. We're waiting for his girlfriend to react. Michael Phelps, Justin Bieber Again, Ray Jay, Selena Gomez, Ozzy Osborne. They're all dealing with cheating, rumors and accusations. So it's everywhere, all around us. But cheating is nothing new. And this week's stories are certainly not exceptional. So what makes people seemingly happy? People who can have whatever they want to begin with, what makes them cheat? Well, first, I want to say that there aren't cheaters and non cheaters. All right, just because you cheated once doesn't mean you'll do it again. Once a cheater, not always a cheater. And just because you've never done it all the high and mighty folk, just because you've never done it doesn't mean you're better than the rest, and that you'll never do it because to cheat on a partner is an action. It's not an identity. But why do we cheat? Why do cheaters do it? What does the research say? Well, some do it because they're insecure. It might seem counterintuitive, but people who experience anxiety about sexual performance, people who are nervous about what they're like in bed, they're 7% more likely to cheat. Maybe they do it to avoid facing their fears in a high stakes, meaningful relationship. Maybe they do it to sabotage said relationship. Maybe they're afraid of the relationship and cheating is their way out. Maybe they cheat because they think they'll overcome their insecurities with a stranger or someone with whom the connection is just superficial. But whatever the case, these people cheat because they can't or they won't bring themselves to be honest with themselves and their partner. They don't address their insecurities. So that's one reason now others cheat because they are narcissists. They get off on being selfish and stroking their own ego through sexual conquests. Now, let me be really clear because I'm sure a lot of you out there have cheated. So let me be clear that not all cheaters are narcissists. Okay, there are plenty of good people who cheat. I want to write a book one day, the Good Cheater. But research does show that those who have inflated sexual egos, those who see themselves as sexually entitled, and those who have kind of grandiose notions of sexual skill. We all know that type. They are more likely to cheat. So we've got insecurity and narcissism. Now. Other cheaters do it because of a deficit in their relationship. They're missing something. And I think most of us, if we're going to chalk up our cheating to something, we go with this one. We say we cheated because we're just not getting what we want from our partners. So we sought it in an outside source. It could be that we're missing love or passion ...

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