Before marriage series: How to talk about money with your partner - a podcast by Katharine Chan

Money is often quoted as one of the top reasons marriages end in divorce. It’s a point of contention even during casual conversations because of its association with power, status, security, freedom, and autonomy, topics that can easily pinch our values.  

Money is emotional Money shaped a lot of our childhoods (growing up with humble surroundings versus with privilege), contributing to our values and beliefs as adults.  How do you perceive someone who has more or less than you? 

How do you want to be perceived?  Who earns more? Who earns less? How does that affect shared financial decisions?  Spender or saver?  Invest in the future or enjoy life in the present?  Possessions or experiences?  Would you lend money to friends and/or family? If so, how much? If not, why?  Tipping etiquette?  Current debt Credit cards, lines of credit, student loans, auto loans, medical bills, tax debt, monies owed to friends and/or family, gambling debt, mortgages, unpaid parking tickets, failed business debts etc.  

I highly recommend putting everything out on the table before you get married.  It’s a very vulnerable process to go through because there’s fear of being criticized by your partner. Someone with a ton of debt can be perceived as irresponsible, careless, lacking discipline and self-control. It can also uncover some bad habits that someone wants to hide (uncontrolled retail therapy, gambling addiction, online gaming debt etc.)  It’s can be daunting to share this with your partner but think of it like ripping off a bandaid. 

Once you’re both on the same page, it’s easier to come up with a plan for how to pay off the debt. It could be an opportunity to work as a team, leveraging on each others’ strengths and abilities.  It’s better to know this information before you start sharing your life together as a married couple.

Further episodes of Sum On Sleeve Podcast

Further podcasts by Katharine Chan

Website of Katharine Chan