Ep. 24: Top 10 Must Have Tips For Making Up After An Argument - a podcast by Josh Becker: Speaker, Author, Teacher

Whether you’re in a romantic relationship, have a close friend, or have family members you’re bound to have had an argument at some point. Sure, some of us get into more arguments than others but the truth is it’s something we’ll all encounter at some point or another.

Sometimes making up is nothing more than both parties ignoring what happened. Other times, the argument causes both people to completely stop talking. Then there’s that “makeup talk” that the rest of us face. Having that makeup talk can be difficult territory for us since there’s nerves on the line and while both parties want to get past the argument, both still have some unresolved business.

This occurred to my wife and I recently and we utilized 10 tips that helped making up after that argument so much better! While these 10 tips are based on making up after an argument with my wife they are just as valid if you’re making up with your family member or best friend. Listen to the podcast for an in-depth look at these top 10 tips!

1. Check yourself

Are you in a place to talk? Really check in with yourself and make sure you’re in a place where you want to have this conversation. The last thing you want to do is pick the wrong time to have that makeup talk. Here’s the important thing though. If now is not the right time to have that talk, make sure you tell them when exactly when a good time will be. The last thing you want to do is say, “not now” and then just leave it open. That’s passive aggressive and will just make matters worse.

2. Check your surroundings

Are the kids needing your attention? Are there other distractions around you? Look around and make sure your surroundings are conducive to having this important talk. You’re going to want to make sure you can give your full attention and also receive their full attention. So this might mean that you have to move your conversation to a new room in the house or a different setting. Just be aware so you don’t wind up sabotaging this important connection.

3. Breathe

I know, you’re obviously breathing but what I’m talking about here is conscious breathing. This will be extra important when you’re listening. Focus on your breath coming in and notice the lower part of your belly expand and then gently collapse as you exhale. Not only will this help you think clearly when you’re feeling emotional but it will also allow you to keep those judgements at bay when the other person is speaking. Focus on your breath!

4. Ask before giving feedback

Ask them if they are in a place to receive some feedback. You’ve listened to them share and you’re probably wanting to give your reaction to what they just shared. Perhaps this is the first time talking since you had that argument/disagreement. In either event, you want to make sure the person is in a place to hear you. If they are not then what’s the point of sharing? They’re just going to put up a wall and shut you down. Remember, this is a makeup talk so you want to be sure you’re moving in the right direction. They’ll also feel respected when you ask if they are in a place to receive some feedback.

5. Use “I” statements

My mentor, Lee Garland, taught me this one and it works so well as challenging as it is to actually put into practice. If this is the first time you’re talking to your partner/family member/friend since that last argument things are likely to be quite sensitive. Using “you” statements typically follows some type of blame and can easily cause the other person to get defensive. This is hard to put into practice but do your best to use “I” statements. For example, “When I hear someone yell I feel scared and angry.

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