Episode 526: Plays Well with Others - a podcast by Dr. Ivan Misner

Synopsis

If you’re going to succeed at networking, you need to play well with others. Just as you couldn’t always choose who came to the playground when you were a child, you don’t always get a say in who your fellow BNI members are. You don’t have to like everybody in BNI. Almost every chapter contains a “jerk,” but that’s not a reason to leave. Don’t let other people control your success.

Tolerance is a highly-used word and an under-used practice. Here are 5 things to consider when you’re talking to someone you think is a jerk. (We’ll call him or her “J” for short.)



* Listen without arguing.

* Ask questions that will give you more insight.

* Show interest in their point of view. You don’t have to agree in order to show interest.

* If you can, get them to focus on solutions. Problems are easy. It takes real smarts to identify realistic solutions.

* Clear, open, and honest communication is the best way to deal with “J.”



Here are 6 things to be aware of when there’s a “J” in your group:



* Make yourself invaluable to the group by focusing on solutions.

* Stay clear of chapter drama and rise above the situation.

* Don’t complain; be positive.

* Stay aware of your emotions.

* Use your support team.

* Be a leader, not a leaver.



Dysfunctional people are really challenging. Dr. Misner recommends reading The Triangle of Truth: The Surprisingly Simple Secret to Resolving Conflicts Large and Small by Lisa Earle McLeod. Lisa explains the secret to dealing with crazy people without letting them make you crazy.

Don’t just walk away because somebody else is a “J”. This is your group and your success.

Brought to you by the Networking for Success Channel on YouTube.

Complete Transcript of Episode 526 –



Priscilla:

Hello everybody and welcome back to the Official BNI Podcast, brought to you by the Networking for Success Channel on YouTube, which features Dr. Ivan Miser and many other networking experts. I am Priscilla Rice, and I am coming to you from Live Oak Recording Studio in Berkeley, California. I am joined on the phone today by the Founder and the Chief Visionary Officer of BNI, Dr. Ivan Misner. Hello, Ivan, how are you?

Ivan:

I am doing fantastic, Priscilla, and I have a topic today that will take every bit of my time, so I am just going to jump right in if that is okay. I was talking to a really good Executive Director recently and he said he had a member who left because – and these were her exact words, Priscilla – “because there is a member in our chapter that is a jerk.” That is why she left the chapter.

So that is what I want to talk about today. Here is the primary message. Don’t let other people control your success. Networking is a marathon. It is not a sprint. It’s a long game. I don’t know if you remember, Priscilla, in elementary school in North America- I have a lot of listeners from around the world. I would love to hear if other countries had the same kind of thing in their elementary school.

In elementary school in North America, we would get a thing in our report card where they would grade you on your ability to play well with others. Do you remember that?

Priscilla:

Yes, definitely.

Ivan:

I didn’t always get a good grade on that, by the way. It took a lot of work.

So your ability to play well with others applies even in adulthood. You can’t always choose who comes to the playground and you don’t always get a say in who your fellow BNI members are. You don’t have to be friends with everybod...

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