Podcasts by The Save The Marriage Podcast
Learn how to save your marriage and improve your relationship. Stop your divorce and restore a loving relationship. Join Dr. Lee H. Baucom for this impactful podcast that can save your marriage.
Further podcasts by Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
Podcast on the topic Mentale Gesundheit
All episodes
Stuck in the Negative from 2023-12-13T11:00:09
Several podcast listeners have asked why a spouse only remembers the negative, or only dwells on the negative. Why don't they remember the good times or see the good things? Why does it feel like ...
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Dealing with Disrespect and Boundaries from 2023-12-06T11:00:22
"A"has been trying to set boundaries with her husband. Trying to get the treatment she deserves. Trying to get the relationship to a healthy spot. But then, her spouse throws a little shade her ...
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Why You Can’t Force Connection from 2023-11-29T11:00:38
Surely you can convince your spouse to work on your marriage… right? Yes, your marriage is in crisis. But if you say the right thing… or say it in the right way… or convince, beg, cajole, argue, ...
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Dealing with a Heavy Holiday—in the midst of a marriage crisis from 2023-11-21T11:00:44
When life is hard, Holidays can feel heavy. When there is a marriage crisis, it can be tough to muster the energy to even move forward — especially when all the commercials and movies push the “me...
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How the Created Past Hurts Your Marriage from 2023-11-15T11:00:38
Sounds so philosophical, doesn't it? Your"created past." What is that? We all do it. We remember things based on our emotional state, not on what happened. When someone hurts us, we think back o...
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Are Things Improving?? How do you know?? from 2023-11-08T11:00:39
Phil asked,"How do you know you are making progress?" And perhaps fearing that the signs point the other way, he also asked,"how long is long enough to be trying before it is unhealthy for me."Thos...
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Take These 3 Steps To Save Your Marriage from 2023-10-30T20:24:21
You want to save your marriage (or you wouldn't be here, right??). But you may not know what to do. Most people don't. I mean, let's face it: most people don't do a lot to prepare to be married. ...
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Why Your Spouse Can’t See A Way Forward from 2023-10-12T10:00:40
We all have limiting beliefs. You... me... and your spouse! I always work to change my limiting beliefs. You are probably doing the same. But you can't just change your spouse's limiting belief...
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The Road to Divorce: 8 Stops from 2023-10-04T10:00:33
Just to be clear, people don't simply end up divorced. They don't go from a loving, connected marriage to a painful, hurting divorce. There are some stops along the way. As people progress along...
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The 7 Stages of Disconnection from 2023-09-27T10:00:49
The shift from connection to disconnection happens when people (inadvertently) hit the Pause Button on their marriage. It isn't ill-intended. It usually just happens in the busyness of life. Still,...
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Why You Aren’t Getting Started from 2023-09-20T10:00:26
Many people tell me how they WANT to save their marriage (they really, really do), but they aren't DOING it. They can't seem to get started with their efforts. Yes, they know the clock is ticking...
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Are You Showing Up?? from 2023-08-16T10:00:20
We all"show ourselves"in our interactions with others. Sometimes, we truly Show Up, bringing our best self to the relationship. Other times, we bring an angry/resentful presence to the table. Ot...
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When Your Spouse Has Lost Hope from 2023-07-19T10:00:15
Has your spouse lost hope in your marriage's future? You want a warm and loving relationship, but it has had a rough patch. You see a way forward, but your spouse can't see it. If that is the ca...
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The Perception/Connection Trap from 2023-07-12T10:00:31
It is not about"communication,"no matter what you hear (from friends or a therapist). Most people communicate just fine. They have another issue: perception. How they perceive each other, that ...
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Apology ≠ Forgiving from 2023-07-05T10:00
We all have hurts from close relationships -- and especially in marriages. It is impossible to be in such an intimate relationship and not bump into each other (in hurtful ways) over and over. Th...
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The Blame–Shame Trap from 2023-06-28T10:00:37
Do you ever feel like you are dancing with your spouse... and not a fun dance?? Most of the time, couples get into habits. They both know the steps, and they just keep going through them, 1-2-3, ...
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Derailed? Why and what to do… from 2023-05-31T10:00:16
When a marriage crisis hits, people kick into gear! They dig in and work on their relationship. Many times, they start to see results. Things are turning for the better. The relationship is warm...
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Saving your marriage…2 dangerous approaches from 2023-05-17T10:00:50
I just googled, “how to save your marriage.” There were 607,000,000. Over 1/2 a billion results! How do you sort through them? How do you find a real approach, from someone who knows what they a...
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Changing…and proving it from 2023-04-26T10:00:17
Things hit a bad spot in your marriage… and your spouse isn’t sure about staying or leaving the marriage. Sure, it may have been a relationship issue, but you may be feeling blamed. It’s pretty c...
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Finding the Energy to Continue from 2023-04-12T11:00:52
“I’m just out of energy,” she told me, “I don’t think I can even try to save my marriage. Besides, what is the point?"Let’s face it: right now, many people are feeling exhausted and drained. And...
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“I need space!”—that’s tough! from 2023-03-29T10:00:26
So many marital crises start with this phrase,"I'm not happy." In panic mode, a spouse reacts and things get worse. The next step is often,"I need space." But that is even scarier! And in panic m...
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Enemies, Victims, or…. from 2023-03-22T10:00:44
Roles. We all have them. We all play them. Some are"identity roles." They identify us in the role. For example, I am"son,""father,""brother,""husband."Some are"function roles." They identify wh...
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Dragged Under from 2023-03-15T10:00:19
Every marriage crisis starts as a crisis of an individual. As it expands into the marriage, the question is whether you, the spouse, will get pulled under by the crisis. Have you ever tried to sa...
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4 Failing Fears from 2023-03-01T11:00:51
You've decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress. Then, BAM! You hit a wall.A wall of fear. Fears that sabotage your efforts, pull you back from your pl...
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It Isn’t Just About Romance from 2023-02-15T11:00:46
Since Valentine's Day is passed and the hearts have come down in the stores (except in the clearance area), we can face a reality that confuses many people. “Our marriage is broken,” she told me. ...
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Is a Marriage Intensive for You? from 2023-02-08T11:00:32
Recently, more and more people have been asking about"Marriage Intensives." If you aren't familiar, these are often week-end (and sometimes week-long) events with lots and lots of (usually therapy...
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The Marriage Murdering Myth from 2023-02-01T11:00:13
There are lots of myths about marriage. But there is one myth that comes up over and over. In fact, the trap for this myth is set at the very early stages of every relationship.The question is wh...
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Sharing Power from 2023-01-18T11:00:14
It’s a partnership. Right? Right?Well, in any partnership, there has to be a way to make decisions. And how a couple makes decisions reveals how they balance power (or don’t balance it). Not eve...
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Helping or Hurting?? from 2023-01-04T11:00:32
You've been working on saving your marriage... and you aren't seeing the traction you want. Or maybe is just isn't moving as fast as you would like. Sometimes, it can takemore time than you think...
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A-ha Moment or Slow Turn-Around? from 2022-12-14T11:00:23
You’ve been following my 4 C’s to work on the 3 C’s of saving your marriage, right? (Hang with me if that seems like gibberish — just me trying to make it simple. I explain it in this episode/) ...
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Staying Together for the Wrong Reasons?? from 2022-12-07T11:00:05
I’ve been answering listeners’ questions on the Save The Marriage Podcast. And in this episode, I pull together a repeating question about “Should we stay together because of this Insert Bad Reaso...
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Your Spouse Isn’t… from 2022-11-30T11:00
Many times, I have someone telling me what their spouse should be. How they should act, what they should do… and what they should do, particularly, for the spouse. Rarely are they telling me what...
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The Next Phase: Chronic or Thriving? from 2022-11-16T11:00:43
Has the crisis in your marriage passed… but you aren’t sure where things are now? Well, that would put you in good company! I have been asking for listener questions, and noticed this was the the...
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Is It Too Toxic?? from 2022-11-09T11:00:38
You probably know that I'm on the side of your marriage. I'm all about saving a marriage. But does that mean that EVERY marriage will be saved, or even should be saved?No. First, there are times...
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The Dangers of Emotions and Decisions from 2022-11-02T10:00:47
It's a false belief in our culture that we need to"trust our gut"and"follow our emotions." Emotions change. Feelings shift. And we can't even say what our emotions are, much of the time. Sure, y...
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Why “Limbo” is a Lie from 2022-10-26T10:00:10
Do you feel like you are stuck in limbo? That crazy spot where you can’t move forward, but aren’t ending things? Is it a spouse who has you stuck there? Well, that was the situation for “J.” He...
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Midlife Marriage Crisis and Connecting from 2022-10-05T10:00:21
Mid Life Crisis… the butt of many jokes. And a crisis for many marriages! I have seen several studies that challenged whether there is such a thing as a mid life crisis. I don’t find many of my ...
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Stuck in Questioning?? from 2022-09-28T10:00:33
Are you stuck questioning whether your spouse is the RIGHT spouse, whether your love is REAL, whether there is someone ELSE, or maybe your spouse is being unfaithful? That is often very normal.To ...
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Mistakes Were Made (Now What?) from 2022-09-21T10:00:45
I don’t know about you, but I just don’t do things perfectly. I make mistakes. Okay, I’ll admit it: I DO know about you. You make mistakes, too. And how do I know??We ALL make mistakes! Espec...
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When to Talk? from 2022-09-07T10:00:51
You’ve taken steps to save your marriage. And it seems to be working! Things are improving. The ice is melting. Perhaps you are treating each other better, maybe even laughing here and there. ...
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Taking Back the Hurt from 2022-08-31T10:00:39
We all do it. We say something in the heat of the moment… and feelings get hurt. Sometimes, though, that can be the “last straw,” that final tap over the edge that leads to crisis. For a listene...
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Limiting Beliefs Blocking Your Spouse from 2022-08-04T14:15:01
We all have limiting beliefs. You... me... and your spouse! I always work to change my limiting beliefs. You are probably doing the same. But you can't just change your spouse's limiting belief...
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You are NOT Enemies! from 2022-07-13T10:00:29
Roles. We all have them. We all play them. Some are"identity roles."They identify us in the role. For example, I am"son,""father,""brother,""husband."Some are"function roles."They identify what we...
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Can a Marriage Turn Around Quickly? from 2022-06-29T10:00:19
Lots of people have asked me how long it takes for a marriage crisis to turn around... for the marriage to start heading in the RIGHT direction. Does it take days? Weeks?? Years??? I often tell...
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Crisis Clarity from 2022-06-24T10:00:22
Nothing gets your focus and attention like a crisis. But sometimes, that Crisis Clarity isn't so helpful. Let's backtrack just a minute. What is Crisis Clarity? Just for a moment, let's assume ...
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Crisis vs. Problem from 2022-06-15T10:00:52
On a regular basis, people want to tell me about the problem with their marriage. Then, they tell me about the current crisis: "my spouse doesn't love me/is having an affair/won't talk to me/wants...
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The Dad Edge from 2022-05-04T10:00:27
Every now and then (well, actually quite frequently), people tell me stories about how parenting didn’t exactly elicit the best response. Many times, people tell me with regret over words and acti...
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Some Truths for Every Couple from 2022-04-13T10:00:02
Many of my podcast episodes are really aimed at those in the midst of some marriage crisis. Maybe it is hanging on by a thread. Perhaps it is just in the beginning stages. Today, I want to share s...
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3 Steps to Better Communication from 2022-03-30T10:00:21
Many couples make the mistake of assuming that their problems are due to poor communication. That is not (or rarely) the case. Why do couples think this? Because many therapists use that as the def...
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How You Show Up from 2022-03-23T10:00:17
We all"show ourselves"in our interactions with others. Sometimes, we truly Show Up, bringing our best self to the relationship. Other times, we bring an angry/resentful presence to the table. Othe...
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5 Factors of Success from 2022-03-16T10:00:21
I wish I had a crystal ball that would let me successfully determine which marriages could be saved. Yes, it is true. Not every marriage WILL be saved. I can't guarantee that. But I DO think th...
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Gut Punch Moments from 2022-03-02T11:00:53
I'll bet you know exactly what I mean by the Gut Punch Moment. It is when your spouse says,"I don't love you"or that variation,"I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." Or when you discover the...
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Combatting Crisis Fatigue from 2022-02-23T11:00:30
You’ve been doing your best to work on your marriage… to resolve your marriage crisis. Then, you find yourself exhausted. You can’t find your focus. You wonder if you even care. The negativity ...
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Beyond Romance from 2022-02-16T11:00:05
For lots of people, this past Monday could not pass fast enough. I heard from a number of people with struggling marriages that told me Valentine’s Day was just one more hurdle. Not a celebration...
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It’s Not About Who Wins from 2022-02-09T11:00:09
I remember saying to a couple on my couch, both claiming they were doing more and working harder for their relationship, “It’s not a competition!"They didn’t much seem to believe me. They were sim...
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Dragging a Spouse to Therapy… from 2022-01-31T22:01:30
The email said, “I talked my spouse into going to therapy.” Another one asked, “How do I drag my spouse to therapy?” Oof. The first person was proud of the “convincing.” The second person got my re...
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Quit Asking “Why is This Happening?” from 2022-01-25T11:00:47
At the beginning of a coaching session, I do a quick “check-in” to see what we need to accomplish in that session. Since coaching is all about moving forward and making progress, I want to make sur...
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Discouraged? Here is what to do (5 things)… from 2022-01-19T11:00:27
Discouraged? You are trying to save your marriage and… you can’t get traction. You move a little ahead, only to slide backward. Steps forward and steps backward.And that is why you are discourag...
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2 Actions that Do More Harm than Good from 2022-01-12T11:00:50
You know that your marriage is in trouble. Your spouse said so. Maybe it was the “things have to change” speech. Or maybe it was the “I love you, but I’m not in love” speech. Or maybe it was a requ...
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“You’ll Never Change!!” from 2022-01-05T11:00:10
Has your spouse said that to you?: “You’ll NEVER change!"Maybe it was at the end of yet another argument, another struggle, another disagreement. Perhaps it was at the end of another failed attempt...
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A Marriage Crisis and Holiday Season from 2021-12-15T11:00:13
When life is hard, Holidays can feel heavy. When there is a marriage crisis, it can be tough to muster the energy to even move forward — especially when all the commercials and movies push the “me...
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Is Self-Growth a Threat to Marriage? from 2021-12-08T11:00:34
"I just outgrew you,"he said to her in my office. But as we talked, I was not convinced that he had actually"outgrown"her. But it was clear that neither felt supported in their own personal growt...
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Are You Trying To Earn Love Back? from 2021-12-01T11:00:28
Sometimes, people tell me that as they are trying to save their marriage, they actually feel like they are trying to earn back the love of a spouse. They want to know if that is what it really is -...
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Gratitude and a Marriage Crisis from 2021-11-24T11:00:35
Here we are, right at Thanksgiving Day in the United States. The day we are supposed to be filled with gratitude, feeling thankful for those around us. Which may feel like a tall order if your mar...
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“Is This MY Fault??” from 2021-11-17T11:00:22
Maybe your spouse has been saying,"This is ALL YOUR FAULT!"Or maybe it is just you... wondering... torturing yourself... about whether this marriage crisis is your fault. Are you the problem? Let ...
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Why Forgive? from 2021-11-10T11:00:05
People hear me talk about forgiving (I wrote a book on it). Then they ask,"why should I have to forgive?"Ironically, my point was that forgiving frees the forgiver. I tackle forgiveness in-depth ...
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Can Separation Save (or Cost You) a Marriage? from 2021-11-03T10:00:07
You want to save your marriage. Your spouse seems to only want to destroy it. That is a pretty common scenario for people who visit my website. And so, I often have the question asked,"Should we...
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Zombie Marriage?? from 2021-10-27T10:00:22
Is your marriage infected by the"zombie virus?" Do you find your relationship to be the"walking dead?" Are emotions lost and connections missing? Do you and your spouse respond to each other wit...
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Your Stamp of Approval from 2021-10-20T10:00:43
People are quirky. We all have strange and interesting habits and interests. No two people are alike. In fact, most people want to claim their uniqueness, to be seen as unique, an individual — “b...
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Dealing with Negativity from 2021-10-13T10:00:18
It happens. In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity. A spouse negative about the marriage. Friends and family negative about your efforts to save your ...
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The Anger/Blame/Shame Dance from 2021-10-06T10:00:13
Do you ever feel like you are dancing with your spouse... and not a fun dance?? Most of the time, couples get into habits. They both know the steps, and they just keep going through them, 1-2-3, 1...
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Why Your Spouse Doesn’t See A Change from 2021-09-29T10:00:15
You've been working hard. You've been trying to make some personal changes, growing and expanding yourself. You've been trying to build a connection with your spouse, slowly and steadily. You feel...
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Limiting Beliefs Limiting Your Marriage from 2021-09-22T10:00:35
It almost seems redundant, doesn't it? If you have limited beliefs, they could limit something -- say, for example, your marriage. I say IF you have limited beliefs.Full disclosure: We ALL have li...
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Are You Dissing Your Marriage? 3 Ways…. from 2021-09-15T10:00:32
I am way too uncool to ever use"Diss"in a conversation. That said, I will drop it into a headline, because I see too many couples"dissing"their relationship, without even meaning to. Distraction,...
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The Danger of a Shortcut from 2021-09-08T10:00:47
I admit it. The phone call got under my skin. We were traveling and I answered the call. The person asked if I was the"save the marriage guy." I told him I was. He told me he didn't want my Sys...
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Have You Been “Friend Zoned”? from 2021-09-01T10:00:05
I often get a message that goes something like this, “We have been making progress on our marriage. I’ve been working hard to reconnect, and think I have done a good job. But lately, we don’t see...
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Is It Time for a Bootcamp?? from 2021-08-04T10:00:42
I have some friends who have been in different bootcamps this past year. Most are fitness-oriented… getting back into shape, improving your running, improving your tennis, things like that. Bootca...
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Is It Just Delaying The Inevitable? from 2021-07-28T10:00:26
I get this question often enough to know that you may be wondering, too. Is it really possible to save a marriage, or are you just delaying the inevitable? Many people want to know this before the...
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4 Reasons Why You Aren’t Saving Your Marriage from 2021-07-21T10:00:22
First, let me be clear: if you are actively saving your marriage, working toward a better relationship... stop reading and go do something else! This won't apply to you! But if you want to save ...
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Switches or Dials? from 2021-07-14T10:00:53
No, this isn't some electrical engineering idea. Instead, it has more to do with human nature. We often want to find the switch, the on/off switch for some situation. Turn off stress by doing this...
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Too Self-Centered for Your Marriage? from 2021-06-30T10:00:41
"You are just too selfish and self-centered. That is why we have marriage problems." Have you heard that before? A listener is wondering if she is too self-centered for her marriage. I am guess...
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The Spouse Predicament from 2021-06-23T10:00:10
It's a predicament, isn't it? It would be so much easier to save your marriage... if it weren't for that pesky spouse. (I jest, but you might actually feel this way.) You make an effort, your sp...
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Slow Slide, Then All At Once from 2021-06-16T10:00:25
I've seen it so many times. A marriage is slowly, slowly, slowly moving apart. Then, suddenly, it is ending! Slowly, then all at once. A recent survey from a divorce attorney group showed the c...
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How to NOT Save Your Marriage from 2021-06-09T10:00:08
Are there things that you do that might KEEP you from saving your marriage? Yes.These are pretty common actions people take, not knowing that they are doing MORE damage, and making it even MORE di...
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Save The Marriage ARC from 2021-06-02T10:30:54
Since my book, Thrive Principles, came out, people have asked me why I shifted my focus from saving marriages to thriving. In reality, there is no shift. My System on saving a marriage is the same ...
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The Connection Principle from 2021-05-26T10:00:39
Connection is the lifeblood of any relationship… and especially a marriage. When connection is cut off, the relationship falters. When a marriage is disconnected, the marriage is at risk.This con...
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How to Avoid a Blow-Up from 2021-05-19T10:00:52
Slowly, slowly... you are making progress! You keep working on turning your marriage around... and it is working! Maybe you think it isn't moving fast enough. Or maybe you have just been holding...
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Your Blame Addiction from 2021-05-12T10:00:18
Are you and your spouse addicted to blame? Do you find yourself pointing your finger toward your spouse, sure that it is really your spouse's fault (and is your spouse doing the same thing?)? Or ...
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If THEY Can’t, Who Can? from 2021-05-05T10:00:18
I was busy working on some projects when a news notification popped up on my tablet: “Bill and Melinda Gates Announce They Are Divorcing.” Wow, what a power couple! And they were calling it quit...
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“But What If I CAN’T Save It?” from 2021-04-28T10:00:15
Two phone calls the same day. Both with the same question: "What if I CAN'T save my marriage?" One had been working at it for awhile. The other hadn't started (and was trying to decide whether t...
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“Can You Fall In Love Again?”–Listener Question from 2021-04-21T10:00:27
As often as possible, I like to answer listener submitted questions (you can submit YOUR question by CLICKING HERE). The reason is because if you have a question, it is very likely that someone el...
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How Do You Argue?: 3 Modes That Fail from 2021-04-14T10:00:36
Do you find yourself stuck in arguments in your marriage that never get anywhere? Or maybe it is just a matter of useless “discussions”? I was recently reading a book, and the author (Adam Grant)...
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NMF: “Not MY Fault!” from 2021-04-07T10:00:12
The email was pages long, all about the problems in her marriage. Each line was about how her husband had ruined the marriage. She pointed out actions of her husband, and he did make mistakes (no...
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Is Your Crisis Hot or Cold? from 2021-03-31T10:00:44
Is your marriage crisis marked by heated arguments or cold distance? Hot or cold? Are they really that different? Or is it all a part of the same process? And how does it affect your attempts t...
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3 Barriers and Beyond from 2021-03-24T10:00:16
For some reason, your spouse just can’t see a way forward. You want things to be better… you want to save your marriage. But your spouse can’t (or won’t) see a possibility. Why?There are actuall...
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Stages of Crisis Awareness from 2021-03-17T10:00:23
In my Save The Marriage System Quick-Start Guide, I show the 8 distinct stages of a marriage crisis. But those are the stages of the crisis. There are also stages to your awareness of the crisis. ...
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The 80/80 Marriage from 2021-03-10T11:00:54
“Marriage should be 50/50,” many a well-intentioned couple told me before they got married. I knew they were in trouble. And for all of the best of intentions! They wanted to be equals. Equal r...
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The 2 Necessary Feelings from 2021-03-03T11:00:35
Feelings. We all have them. What we feel, and how we make others feel. Sometimes, we have the wrong feelings. And we try to get away from those feelings.In a relationship in trouble, you can gua...
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Out of Nowhere? from 2021-02-24T11:00:19
Many times, people tell me that their marriage was doing just fine (well, at least OK), and then it was in trouble, “All at once,” that they “didn’t see it coming,” and that others thought they “we...
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Why Your Spouse Doesn’t Believe You Can Change from 2021-02-17T11:00:12
You've been working hard to reconnect and change yourself. You're proud of your efforts. But your spouse just isn't buying. For whatever reason, your spouse just does not trust the changes -- or...
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Therapy or Bust! from 2021-02-10T11:00:45
We had been talking for at least half an hour. I was discussing some thoughts about her marriage problems as she was trying to figure out what to do. I noted where the problems started and how sh...
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Knocked Down, Back Up from 2021-02-03T11:00:03
You started working on saving your marriage. Good for you! And then, you hit a bump. You get knocked down. Maybe you discovered an affair, physical or emotional. Maybe your spouse is irritable...
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Rejection or Protection? Perception. . . from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
You are working on your marriage. You reach out toward your spouse. . . only to feel rejected.
After that stops you in your tracks. You start doubting yourself, your efforts, your pl...
Fighting Versus Solving: Using Conflict from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Do you find yourself fighting and fighting, but never making progress? Maybe you even look back an...
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“Help! My Spouse Doesn’t Believe I Can Change!” from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
You've been working hard to reconnect and change yourself. You're proud of your efforts. ...
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Action versus Distraction from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
A while back, I was talking with someone who was struggling with his marriage. I made a couple of suggestions. He pushed back. He said, "It's not like I'm not doing anything!"
"Grea...
Fooling Ourselves. . . from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
We don't mean to, but we do. We fool ourselves. Yep, humans can be dishonest with others, but we can also be dishonest with ourselves. In fact, we do it every day.
It's bad enough w...
Caught In Control from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Pretty much every day, I hear from someone telling me about a controlling marriage situation. Either they are controlling or they are being controlled. Either way, the underlying dynamics are the...
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Feeling Like Quitting? from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Feeling like quitting is not the same as making a decision to quit. One is an emotional response to the struggle. The other is a rational decision. Unless, of course, you confuse the two.
...
“Where Do I Focus?” from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Whenever I am alone on a long drive, I try to answer all the calls I can. This past weekend gave me another opportunity. I delivered my son to college and had an 8 hour drive home.
I...
Don’t Wait For Confidence from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Confidence and capability. Two big blocks holding people back from saving their marriage -- unnecessarily!
People call or write me and tell me they are absolutely ready to do whatever...
The 3 Dimensions of Connection from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Connection is the lifeblood of marriage. In fact, we are wired for deep connection. And while the connection works best within the marriage relationship, it is not singular.
Many cou...
Why Getting A Spouse To Agree Is Dangerous from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
I know. You want to convince your spouse to see things your way. So, you set out to "get" your spouse to agree with you.
...And you have now begun walking down a very dangerous path.<...
5 Reasons To Save Your Marriage from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Sometimes, in the midst of trying to save your marriage, you can get lost. You can forget why you are doing this. Your spouse's negativity, the negativity of others, may drown out your "why."
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Why You and Your Plan Are Stalled from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Are your efforts to save your marriage getting stalled? Maybe we should take a look at your plan.
You do have a plan, don't you?
Let's talk about 5 reasons your plan (or ...
Don’t Get Caught In The FOF Trap! from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
There is a trap waiting. It springs on you, sometimes even before you get started with saving your marriage. ...
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How Boundaries Transform Any Relationship (including a marriage) from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Boundaries may be a new concept for you. Or you may already be working on setting boundaries for you...
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Gratitude In The Midst Of Crisis from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Here we are, right at Thanksgiving Day in the United States. The day we are supposed to be fi...
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5 Roadblocks to Communication (and How To Break Through) from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Is communication an issue between you and your spouse? Do you find loving and effective c...
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3 Shifts From Fear To Love You Need To Make from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Fear. It comes so easily. In fact, pretty much automatically.
Love. Ahh. A muc...
How Your Marriage Got Out of Shape from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
How did it happen? Your marriage, how did it get into trouble? Probably not overnight. Sure, y...
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Marriage is NOT 50/50 from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
Many marriages are ruined by 2 people, each wanting to put their fair share into it. "You put in you...
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Boundaries Protect A Marriage from 2021-01-31T22:10:42.023393
First line of an email last week:"I knew we were disconnected, but how did this happen?"
“No Closer!” — Stuck? from 2021-01-27T11:00:31
What do you do when your spouse has shifted back toward you… some… but is still distant? More distant than you would like? Do you have to just accept it, accept the lack of intimacy and connectio...
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“I Want to Save My Marriage” Q&A from 2021-01-20T11:00:33
In previous podcast episodes, I have answered questions submitted by listeners. In fact, I still do. You can email your questions by clicking here. But since this podcast goes to listeners aroun...
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From Apology to Reconciling from 2021-01-13T11:00:49
You have already journeyed to here. Maybe your relationship is hurting and in pain. Maybe your connection has gone cold. But however you got here, whatever the path, you want to get somewhere di...
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Staying in the Game from 2021-01-06T11:00:52
You might feel like"tapping out,"or forfeiting, just giving up and walking away. It can be frustrating when you are trying to save a marriage, only to get pushback from a spouse. You are working ...
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What’s Your Plan? from 2020-12-30T11:00:07
We are about to turn the page on the calendar. For me, that means a look forward. What will the new year hold? What will I bring into the new year? Either it happens to you or you make it happe...
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Ghosts of Relationship Past from 2020-12-23T11:00:44
Do you settle down with a good book you have read over and over this time of year? I read my kids the exact same Christmas book every single year. And many years, I re-read a classic for myself… ...
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Caught In A Triangle from 2020-12-16T11:00:05
Basic geometry, right? The triangle? Just three points and three lines connecting. Simple. A building block for geometric shapes of all kinds. And yet, in the context of relationships… it is d...
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“I Saved My Marriage!” from 2020-12-09T11:00:54
Many times, in the midst of trying to save a marriage, the anxiety and fears can lock you up, overwhelmed with what to do next. When that happens, the outcome is often a lack of change, motivation...
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Rewriting the Past from 2020-12-02T11:00:40
Sounds so philosophical, doesn't it? Your"created past." What is that? We all do it. We remember things based on our emotional state, not on what happened. When someone hurts us, we think back o...
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Marriage Lie #5: Your Spouse Should Make You Happy from 2020-11-25T11:30:19
You were probably very happy when you got married. You believed the happiness would always be there. And now, your spouse is saying, “I’m not happy.” Embedded in that seems to be some idea that ...
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Marriage Lie #4: Marriage is 50 / 50 from 2020-11-18T11:25:13
Equal partnership. That is what a marriage is about, when it is healthy. Right? Right??Nope. Just another marriage lie. Oh, not on purpose! Nope, these marriage lies are not intentional. Jus...
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Marriage Lie #3: Conflict Means Its Wrong from 2020-11-11T11:30:20
If you find yourself arguing and in conflict, that is an indication that something is wrong with your marriage, right? Right?No. Not at all. But it may be that your conflict resolution is a prob...
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Marriage Lie #2: “Meet All of My Needs” from 2020-11-04T11:30:58
A spouse should complete you… right? Your emotional needs, companion needs, physical needs… if your spouse is meeting them, then that is the right spouse… right?And therefore, if your spouse isn’t...
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Marriage Lie #1: “If It’s Work, It’s Wrong” from 2020-10-28T10:00:49
“I give up,” he said, throwing up his arms. He was ready to leave the session. But before he walked out, I asked, “Can you tell me what just happened? Why are you giving up?"He told me, “Look, we...
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When Your Plan Hits a Wall from 2020-10-21T10:30:38
Your plan to save your marriage has hit a wall. Maybe things were moving forward, or maybe they have been stalled from the beginning. But your plan? It hit the wall.First, let me assure you that...
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DWYADAYGWYAG from 2020-10-14T10:55:34
No, a toddler didn’t take to pounding on my keyboard. And no, my new puppy didn’t paw my keyboard… well, at least on for the title. Yep, I meant it: DWYADAYGWYAG.But to back up, have you ever not...
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What About Love? from 2020-10-07T10:55:03
A podcast listener (accurately) noted that I don’t talk too much about love. The listener wanted to just get back to the love they had shared at one time, and wanted to know how to fall back in lo...
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There IS No Try from 2020-09-30T10:55:39
“I’ll try,” my client said in response to multiple suggestions about actions to take. But each week, the “try” never happened. Just a couple of days ago, I got the same response to another sugges...
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Can You Force Connection? from 2020-09-23T10:55:28
Surely you can convince your spouse to work on your marriage… right? Yes, your marriage is in crisis. But if you say the right thing… or say it in the right way… or convince, beg, cajole, argue, ...
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5 Myths of Saving Your Marriage from 2020-09-16T10:55:02
Do you ever start on some new habit you heard about, maybe about the best diet or exercise, only to find that it isn’t true later on? And have you ever discovered it was actually even worse for yo...
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The Choice… from 2020-09-08T19:00:46
“It’s your choice,” I reassured her. It was a call I picked up between sessions. The person told me she had been following my System, but wasn’t sure if she could keep it up. She wasn’t sure if ...
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When You Can’t Make Your Spouse Happy from 2020-09-02T10:55:52
Many a marriage crisis emerges when a spouse declares, “I’m not happy.” It is really a statement about discontent with the relationship. But many respond by assuming they now know what they need ...
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FACT of Your Crisis: How to Face Your Crisis and Move Forward from 2020-08-26T10:55:26
Sometimes, just a hint or trick will do it. Maybe you want a trick or hint for an online game. Or even a trick for a better pancake. A hint for a better pushup. But hints and tricks won’t work ...
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How Steep is the Climb? from 2020-08-19T10:55:31
“How hard is it to save my marriage?” the email started. The writer wanted my opinion on whether my System would work. There was a problem, though. The problem was… I had no details about her mar...
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Love and Respect: An Interview with Emerson Eggerichs from 2020-08-12T12:57:53
"What’s love got to do with it??""R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what that means to me!” Tina Turner calls for love, and Aretha Franklin calls out for respect. But what is the connection between love an...
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How Fear Hijacks Your Marriage: Poly Vagal Theory from 2020-08-05T10:55:55
Your ancestors, way, way back, survived because they were more fearful than their peers. Because of their fear, they survived, while the less fearful fell to threats. Over time, this means that w...
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How to Get the Love You Want from 2020-07-29T11:00:57
Why did you fall in love with your spouse? Why do people fall in love with the person they fall in love? And perhaps even more importantly for our time together, why do those same relationships c...
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Why These Approaches Are Dangerous (2 to avoid) from 2020-07-22T10:55:54
I just googled, “how to save your marriage.” There were 607,000,000. Over 1/2 a billion results! How do you sort through them? How do you find a real approach, from someone who knows what they a...
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How to be the Bigger Victim from 2020-07-15T10:55:58
Most people don’t come right out and say it, but they have a sneaking suspicion that they are the victim in their marital situation. They believe they have been done wrong… more wrong than they ha...
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What CAN One Person Do? from 2020-07-08T10:55:19
Can one person save a marriage, even if your spouse doesn’t want it? I do say that my Save The Marriage System can save your marriage, even if only you want it.But what can you really do, if your ...
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Escaping the Attraction–breaking free from the affair partner from 2020-07-01T10:55:49
Another listener question is the topic of this week’s episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. The question focuses on an affair… and leaving it. What do you do about the strong attraction that ...
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The Differences Between Happy and Hurting Marriages from 2020-06-24T10:55:29
Marriages start at the same place: two people in love, ready to face the world together. And most believe they have already beaten the odds. Their love is “the real thing,” enduring and lasting....
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Service or Repair? from 2020-06-17T10:55:23
My car is in for service. Usually, that means I am in their lounge, trying my best to work with daytime TV blaring in the background. But due to COVID, I decided to leave it there and head for ho...
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How to Deepen Your Connection from 2020-06-10T11:00:57
The #1 reason people sought me out for couples counseling: “We are just not connected.” The #1 reason why marriages end up failing: “We are just too disconnected."What happened? That connection...
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Survival Rules for Your Marriage from 2020-06-03T11:00:58
Your marriage is in trouble. You know you want to save your relationship, but you aren’t sure how. Step #1 is surviving.Confession: I have an abiding interest in survival. I’m the guy who reads...
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Focused On The Wrong Things? from 2020-05-27T11:00:20
At the beginning of a coaching session, my clients often tell me what they have been focused on in their marriage crisis. Almost always, they are focusing on the wrong things. And in the process,...
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When Marriage is Hard from 2020-05-20T11:00:39
“Why is marriage so hard?” That is a question I often hear from struggling couples. What happened? All of that love, all the connection, seems to disappear, to be replaced with struggle and strif...
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Hanging On To Hope from 2020-05-13T11:00:11
Your spouse thinks it’s hopeless. You may even be wondering that, too. But is it? Is it hopeless? Or is the problem that your spouse is hopeless — not the situation?Let’s be honest: if you giv...
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Love Isn’t (Only) Romantic from 2020-05-06T11:00:28
“Our marriage is broken,” she told me. “We don’t have the passion anymore, so I don’t think we should stay married.” Missing passion… is it the end of marriage, or something else?Most relationshi...
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Quarantined Together or Apart from 2020-04-29T12:30:55
If a marriage crisis was not enough to deal with… now we have a pandemic. And if that was not enough, we are self-isolating. The pandemic isn’t anything we can control. Self-isolating is best fo...
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Finding the Energy–Continuing your Efforts from 2020-04-22T13:00:41
“I’m just out of energy,” she told me, “I don’t think I can even try to save my marriage. Besides, what is the point?"Let’s face it: right now, many people are feeling exhausted and drained. And...
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Proving Your Perception (is dangerous) from 2020-04-16T03:00:01
I can’t count how many times a couple has come to me for “help with our communication skills.” Funny thing is, they communicate just fine. Then why are they stuck in conflict? Why are they disco...
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Time for a Relationship Reset? from 2020-04-09T03:00:53
Unless you are hiding out in a cave somewhere (I read about a person who had been on a silent retreat — went in with everything normal and came out to the pandemic), your world has been topsy-turvy...
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Coping as a Couple Caught in COVID Quarantine from 2020-04-02T03:00:09
Are you suddenly finding yourself and your spouse stuck together, thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic? Is it suddenly very close quarters? If your marriage wasn’t struggling before, this may be the s...
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Staying the Course in a Crisis (or 2) from 2020-03-26T03:00:46
The phrase, “Stay the Course,” comes from the commitment in battle to continue moving toward your goal, regardless of obstacles or difficulties. So first, let’s let go of the battle analogy. You ...
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What Now?–Saving your marriage in the midst of a pandemic from 2020-03-19T03:00:09
First, you were caught in the swirling whirlwind of a marriage crisis. Now, to add to that, a pandemic is taking over. Whatever fears you had about your marriage are now layered with your concern...
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Where Did The Love Go? from 2020-03-12T03:00:03
I get that question very frequently: “What happened? Where did the love go?"Maybe you feel it, maybe you hear it. The end result is the same: one or both people just not feeling it… not feelin...
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Marriage Wrecker: Conflict from 2020-03-05T04:00:26
Over the last couple of episodes, I have been looking at what wrecks marriage. First, I discussed Expectations. Then, I discussed Disconnection. In this episode, we look at another “Marriage Wre...
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Marriage Wrecker: Disconnection from 2020-02-27T04:00:50
Your marriage is hurting. Why? What happened? What wrecked your marriage? In the last podcast episode, I discussed how expectations can wreck a marriage.But unfortunately, there are some other ...
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Marriage Wrecker: Expectations from 2020-02-20T04:00:53
“What can I expect from my spouse?” That was the lead question. Because over and over, her expectations had not been met. “Expectations,” I told her, “can wreck your marriage."“Which expectation...
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Is Your Marriage in the Safe Zone? from 2020-02-13T04:00:27
She started the conversation by telling how she was confused… her spouse had confused her. He said he didn’t feel safe enough to share his emotions, didn’t feel safe enough to move back into their...
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Hope vs. Hopelessness from 2020-02-06T04:00:21
Miranda asked me, “What do I do? My spouse is hopeless that we can save our marriage. I’m losing hope, too."A couple of weeks ago, I did a training for members of my VIP Program, noting three barr...
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“I’m Just Not Happy”… The Excuse to Leave? from 2020-01-30T04:00:58
What do you do when a spouse declares, “I’m not happy,” as the reason the marriage has to end? Or how about, “You’re not happy,” or “I can’t make you happy”? I have heard this reason given over a...
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“Are We Too Opposite?” from 2020-01-23T04:00:25
Too many times — in my office, by email, on phone calls — I hear a spouse rationalizing their decision that the marriage cannot possibly succeed because, “We’re just opposites, too different to mak...
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Why It All Came Tumbling Down from 2020-01-16T01:45:06
“It suddenly fell apart,” Jenny told me. As far as she could tell, everything had been great until… one day… her husband said, “our marriage is over.” Before that, Jenny said, there had been no t...
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Did Your Apology Fail? from 2020-01-09T01:45:56
You apologized to your spouse… maybe on your own, or maybe because I suggested it. And...... Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch.No change, no difference. Does that mean that your efforts are over? T...
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“Why Can’t I Get Started?” from 2020-01-02T01:45:28
Audrey wrote me to ask, “I just can’t get started on my marriage. What’s wrong with me?"She wrote in as a listener of my podcast. (And if you have a question for the podcast, send it to me here: ...
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Special Holiday Edition: Ghosts of Relationship Past from 2019-12-24T11:00:12
Do you settle down with a good book you have read over and over this time of year? I read my kids the exact same Christmas book every single year. And many years, I re-read a classic for myself… ...
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All The Wrong Reasons: Should You Stay Together? from 2019-12-19T01:45:21
We continue with listeners’ questions on the Save The Marriage Podcast. And in this episode, I pull together a central question about “Should we stay together because of this Insert Bad Reason Her...
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Fighting for… Connection from 2019-12-12T01:45:07
“Should I even keep fighting for my marriage?”, asks “G.” Oof, that word… “fighting.” I hear it often. But so many times, when someone says they are “fighting for” their marriage, they end up “f...
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How To Guarantee No Divorce from 2019-12-05T01:45:58
Over the last episodes, I have been answering listener questions (you can submit your question by email - CLICK HERE). In this episode, I respond to Susan. She wants to guarantee that she does no...
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Heavy Holiday? Marriage Crisis and the Season from 2019-11-28T01:45:26
When life is hard, Holidays can feel heavy. When there is a marriage crisis, it can be tough to muster the energy to even move forward — especially when all the commercials and movies push the “me...
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Is “Space” the Opposite of Connection? from 2019-11-21T01:45:29
It is such a common demand from a spouse during a marital crisis: “I need space! You just need to give me space!” Yet here I am, telling you to connect with your spouse, to rebuild the broken co...
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The Problem with Changing… and Proving It! from 2019-11-14T01:45:37
Things hit a bad spot in your marriage… and your spouse isn’t sure about staying or leaving the marriage. Sure, it may have been a relationship issue, but you may be feeling blamed. It’s pretty c...
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Pushing Through… from 2019-11-07T01:45:08
What do you do when you feel like giving up, like nothing you do is making a difference? Or when your spouse says you are trying to hard, or acting strange? Or when you have dragged your spouse t...
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Turning Conflict Into Intimacy from 2019-10-31T00:45:13
Relationships of any depth and any magnitude are going to hit up against conflict. It is just the nature of being close to someone. You are going to have differences that emerge. It is not a qu...
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Your Questions About Infidelity, part 2 from 2019-10-24T00:45:01
In the last episode, I answered questions about infidelity and marriage. Well, I started answering questions. Since I started asking for your questions, I have received quite a few about affairs ...
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Your Questions About Infidelity, Part 1 from 2019-10-17T00:45:20
Someone cheated. What now? Can a marriage survive infidelity, either physical or emotional? Can a relationship recover after an affair? Over the past while, I have been answering listener quest...
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Struggling with Separation from 2019-10-10T00:45:43
Is separation the best scenario for saving a marriage? No. Many times, a separation ends up being a"dress rehearsal for divorce." Living separately creates patterns of separation. Connection bec...
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Dealing with Indifference… from 2019-10-03T00:45:28
For awhile, I have been answering listener-submitted questions, and continue to do so in this episode (if YOU want to ask a question, send it to podcast@savethemarriage.com). This week, I respond ...
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“Why Should I Try? Don’t Tell Me What To Do!” from 2019-09-26T00:45:11
Jared was a bit more pointed in his question. But to be fair, I HAVE been asking for people to submit questions. And he did. He told me straight up,"You tell me to connect with my spouse. Well,...
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Moving Forward…One Way or The Other… from 2019-09-19T00:45:32
"I need some encouragement,"the note ended. The writer is a listener of my podcast and admitted the hard work that has gone into trying to save his marriage. At the same time, another listener as...
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Depression And Your Marriage Crisis from 2019-09-12T00:45:36
Lately on the podcast, I have been answering listener questions. And quite a few have come in about how depression affects a marriage. Does depression cause a crisis? Or do people get depressed b...
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The Affair…and The Aftermath from 2019-09-05T00:45:42
Question: does an affair cause marital problems or do marital problems cause affairs? Answer: YES.Longer answer: for the majority of affairs, weak points in the marriage create a vulnerability ...
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“How Long?”Trust, Trauma, and Towels from 2019-08-29T00:45:42
I'm still answering your questions! If you have a question you want me to cover on the podcast, just SEND ME AN EMAIL HERE. Today, we cover"time." Or more specifically,"How Long?" The questions c...
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Disrespect and Boundaries from 2019-08-22T00:45:35
"A"has been trying to set boundaries with her husband. Trying to get the treatment she deserves. Trying to get the relationship to a healthy spot. But then, her spouse throws a little shade her ...
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Work on Me, Work on WE? from 2019-08-15T00:45:24
What do you do if your spouse decides they need to work on themselves... and then they may (or may not) be willing to work on the marriage? What do you do if your spouse just refuses to work on yo...
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How Do You Know If Things Are Improving? from 2019-08-08T00:45:29
Phil asked,"How do you know you are making progress?" And perhaps fearing that the signs point the other way, he also asked,"how long is long enough to be trying before it is unhealthy for me."Thos...
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“Is‘Trying’Disrespectful?”–When A Spouse Wants Out from 2019-08-01T00:45:02
"Gem"wrote me after a recent episode of my podcast. In that episode, a therapist said, after one single session (where divorce had not been mentioned) that the client needed to prepare for divorce...
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“Why Should I Even Try?”–When Discouragement Hits…Hard from 2019-07-25T00:45:15
Several people have asked me the same thing: "What if I am not even sure I want to save my marriage? I am so frustrated and discouraged, I feel like quitting... not even trying."It is a great que...
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When Your Spouse Can’t See A Way Forward–Limiting Beliefs from 2019-07-18T00:45:26
We all have limiting beliefs. You... me... and your spouse! I always work to change my limiting beliefs. You are probably doing the same. But you can't just change your spouse's limiting belief...
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Staying Stuck in the Negative–What DO you DO? from 2019-07-11T00:45:59
[Have a question about saving your marriage? Ask it by emailing me HERE.] Several listeners asked why a spouse only remembers the negative, or only dwells on the negative. Why don't they remembe...
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Co-Dependence, Independence, and Interdependence–Listener’s Question from 2019-07-04T00:45:09
Here we are, Independence Day in the United States, marking the moment when the young colonies rejected ties to the British Crown. So many times, I have people"declare their independence"from thei...
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“How Do You Deal With Bitterness And Resentment?”–Listener Question from 2019-06-27T00:45:01
.Resentment eats away at any relationship. It can destroy a marriage. Bitterness takes over and every good memory or thought is re-remembered and"bitter-ized" The foundational connection in the r...
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“My Therapist Says Divorce!”–Listener Question from 2019-06-20T00:45:17
"In our very first session, our therapist told me that we were divorcing and I need to accept it,"Claire wrote. I invited people to submit questions. And Claire did. (You can, too, by EMAILING HER...
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“What IS Connection??”–Listener Question from 2019-06-13T00:45:18
Do you have a question you want answered about marriage, marital problems, relationship issues, and how to save your marriage? Send an email and ask your question. If it is something that would b...
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Why Pause Is A Problem from 2019-06-06T00:45:13
The Pause Button. You didn't know you hit it. But you probably did."We'll get back to each other after the kids/ promotion/ travels/ hobbies/ events/ friends... (well, you get the idea)."AFTER li...
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The Path To Peaceful Conversation from 2019-05-30T00:45:56
How do you make a shift, from painful communication to peaceful conversation? What if you have something difficult to discuss with your partner? How do you start? What do you do? What path do y...
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Why I STILL Believe In Marriage from 2019-05-23T00:45:34
I suppose I have seen marriages in pretty tough spots. Destructive and hurting, I've watched relationships both heal and end. I've also had the privilege of seeing some pretty amazing marriages. ...
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Is Your Marriage Fragile or Anti-Fragile? from 2019-05-16T00:45:58
Some marriages seem so fragile, ready to break at any time. Many times, people work hard to protect that type of marriage. It seems that anything can be the end of it! That fragility is not bake...
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Secrets To A Conscious Partnership from 2019-05-09T00:45:42
When a marriage is struggle, stuck, and painful, you are likely stuck in an unconscious relationship. Unconscious dynamics continue to push and pull at both of you, leading to disagreement, dissen...
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Don’t Get Pulled Under from 2019-05-02T00:45:47
Every marriage crisis starts as a crisis of an individual. As it expands into the marriage, the question is whether you, the spouse, will get pulled under by the crisis. Have you ever tried to sa...
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How Are You Showing Up? from 2019-04-25T00:45:32
We all"show ourselves"in our interactions with others. Sometimes, we truly Show Up, bringing our best self to the relationship. Other times, we bring an angry/resentful presence to the table. Ot...
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“Am I The Problem?” from 2019-04-18T00:45:46
Maybe your spouse has been saying,"This is ALL YOUR FAULT!" Or maybe it is just you... wondering... torturing yourself... about whether this marriage crisis is your fault. Are you the problem? Le...
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WHY Even Try? (Back2Basics) from 2019-04-11T00:45:18
You may be wondering,"Does it even matter? Should I just let this marriage go? WHY does it matter?"Let's start with this: It matters! A lot! Why does it matter?Well, the real reason why can va...
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What To Do To Save Your Marriage? (Part 2) from 2019-04-04T00:45:14
We are taking Back 2 Basics! Boiling the whole marriage crisis -- and turning it around -- right down to the very basics. Last week, I started a 2-part session with the 3 C's you need to do to tu...
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What Do You Do To Save A Marriage? (Part 1) from 2019-03-28T00:45:58
In this second episode of the Back2Basics series, we shift away from"what happened"(see the last episode) to"what now?" Sure, you want to start by understanding why marriages (including YOUR marria...
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What Went Wrong??–Back2Basics Series from 2019-03-21T00:45:15
It can get so overwhelming, all the information coming at you! What you want is to save your marriage. But you are probably already overwhelmed with the situation... much less, getting help for y...
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3 Turning Points of Saving Your Marriage from 2019-03-14T00:45:24
Many times, people contact me to tell me that their marriage is... well... continuing to spiral down, in spite of their efforts. Over the years, I have noted some"turning points,"when things often...
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Why People Get Derailed from 2019-03-07T01:45:19
When a marriage crisis hits, people kick into gear! They dig in and work on their relationship. Many times, they start to see results. Things are turning for the better. The relationship is warm...
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Why“Space”Is Hard from 2019-02-28T01:45:11
So many marital crises start with this phrase,"I'm not happy." In panic mode, a spouse reacts and things get worse. The next step is often,"I need space." But that is even scarier! And in panic m...
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Before You Separate from 2019-02-21T01:45:15
You don't want it. But your spouse insists. A separation has to happen. Or maybe you thought you wanted a separation... hoping it would help. But after reading my stuff or listening to my podca...
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When Is It Time To Separate? from 2019-02-14T01:45:24
I think I have made it clear that I am not a fan of separation. Generally, it is a trial run at divorce, a"dress rehearsal."But is there a time when it is necessary to separate? When it is actual...
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Are You Hurting Or Helping? from 2019-02-07T01:45:38
You've been working on saving your marriage... and you aren't seeing the traction you want. Or maybe is just isn't moving as fast as you would like. Sometimes, it can take more time than you thin...
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Of Enemies and Victims from 2019-01-31T01:45:47
Roles. We all have them. We all play them. Some are"identity roles." They identify us in the role. For example, I am"son,""father,""brother,""husband."Some are"function roles." They identify wh...
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Am I Against Therapy? from 2019-01-24T01:45:27
I spent way more time in school than I would like. To be honest, I never enjoyed school. Not when I was a kid. Not in high school. Not in college. And not in 3 rounds of grad school (2 Master'...
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Why NOT To Tell… from 2019-01-17T01:45:54
I know. It's tempting. Your marriage is having troubles and you want to talk about it. Maybe your friends would be good to tell. Or maybe your family can listen. Or perhaps you should contact ...
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It’s a NO…(unless you ask/try) from 2019-01-10T01:45:34
It is probably the most frequent question I get..."Should I try to save my marriage?" I get it in conversations, voicemails, emails, even by Messenger the other day. People often give me a few (so...
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Better or Bitter? from 2019-01-03T01:45:19
I often watch people move toward one of two possibilities when a marriage is in trouble: Better or Bitter. One letter difference, but what a difference in destination. One leads a couple to a re...
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Your New Year Renewal Plan from 2018-12-27T01:45:03
It's just around the corner... just days away. The end of this year and the beginning of a New Year. A new beginning. A fresh start.A renewal of your efforts to save your marriage. Many times, ...
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Holiday Hurt and Healing from 2018-12-20T01:45:17
How are you doing with the Holidays upon us? Did you know that between the end of November and the end of December, there are over 14 holidays (Holy Days) across the spectrum of beliefs and religi...
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blah, Blah, BLAH…BANG from 2018-12-13T01:45:42
And suddenly... crisis! (or not)RARELY does a crisis come"out of the blue."Many times, people will tell me that they"had no idea,"or"never saw it coming." But then, we start talking. And they tel...
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The Fatal Triangle (Don’t Be Sabotaged) from 2018-12-06T01:45:25
You want to save your marriage. Maybe you even have a plan put together, ready to go. Or maybe you have even started the process. This episode of the podcast is cautionary. A warning. But the ...
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Anger, Blame, Shame&Responsibility from 2018-11-29T01:45:59
Do you ever feel like you are dancing with your spouse... and not a fun dance?? Most of the time, couples get into habits. They both know the steps, and they just keep going through them, 1-2-3, ...
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Avoiding The Blow-Up from 2018-11-15T01:45:17
Slowly, slowly... you are making progress! You keep working on turning your marriage around... and it is working! Maybe you think it isn't moving fast enough. Or maybe you have just been holding...
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When Is It Too Toxic? from 2018-11-08T01:45:44
You probably know that I'm on the side of your marriage. I'm all about saving a marriage. But does that mean that EVERY marriage will be saved, or even should be saved?No. First, there are times...
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Don’t Let Emotions Choose… from 2018-10-25T00:45:34
It's a false belief in our culture that we need to"trust our gut"and"follow our emotions." Emotions change. Feelings shift. And we can't even say what our emotions are, much of the time. Sure, y...
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The Myth That Murders Marriages from 2018-10-11T00:45:51
There are lots of myths about marriage. But there is one myth that comes up over and over. In fact, the trap for this myth is set at the very early stages of every relationship. The question is ...
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My Method and Why It Works from 2018-10-04T00:45:24
When a marriage is in trouble, the first place many people turn to is the internet. Where most people discover quite a plethora of information. But what to trust? What to do?Remember that even G...
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Relationship Fears and Insecurities from 2018-09-13T00:45:50
Fears. They can certainly derail us humans! A few episodes ago, I noted some fears that can sabotage your efforts to save your marriage.But what about relationship fears? Just those basic fears a...
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Building Your Support Team from 2018-09-06T00:45:56
Support. We all need it. But we need the right kind of support. If you are in the midst of a marriage crisis, you might feel all alone, just you against the world (and your spouse). Well, you a...
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5 Ways To Manage Your Emotions (in the midst of the crisis) from 2018-08-30T00:45:21
It can be an emotional storm in the middle of a marriage crisis. Sometimes, it seems that every little thing blows up into big things... almost without control. A marriage crisis is one of the bi...
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4 Fears That Halt Your Efforts…And Don’t Need To from 2018-08-23T00:45:18
You've decided to save your marriage. You start the process, maybe even make some progress. Then, BAM! You hit a wall.A wall of fear. Fears that sabotage your efforts, pull you back from your pl...
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NMF: The Fastest Path to Failure from 2018-08-16T00:45:33
The email was pages long, all about the problems in her marriage. Each line was about how her husband had ruined the marriage. She pointed out actions of her husband, and he did make mistakes (no...
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What About Addictions? from 2018-08-09T00:45:44
Sometimes, people want to check with me and see if my System addresses certain special issues. One that recurs is the question about addictions. What if they or their spouse is addicted? Will th...
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Marriage and Self-Expansion from 2018-08-02T00:45:39
"I just outgrew you,"he said to her in my office. But as we talked, I was not convinced that he had actually"outgrown"her. But it was clear that neither felt supported in their own personal growt...
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You Know You’re On The Same Team…Right?? from 2018-07-12T00:45:20
One more argument. One more struggle. They sat on my couch, facing each other down as opponents in some contest to... win... well, to be honest, I don't know what they were trying to win. Becaus...
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“It shouldn’t be this hard!”(And Other Lies We Tell About Marriage) from 2018-07-05T00:45:54
Far from the first time, he turned to me in the middle of a session and said,"See? It just shouldn't be this hard. That is why I know this marriage is wrong. If it were right, we wouldn't struggl...
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5 Truths Every Couple Should Know from 2018-06-28T00:45:43
Many of my podcast episodes are really aimed at those in the midst of some marriage crisis. Maybe it is hanging on by a thread. Perhaps it is just in the beginning stages. Today, I want to share...
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Marriage and The Goldilocks Principle from 2018-06-21T00:45
Remember that children's story? Goldilocks, lost in the woods, stumbles upon the bear family home -- which they had just left. Inside, she finds one bowl of porridge too hot, one too cold, and on...
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3 Ways To Absolutely Guarantee Marital Therapy Will Fail from 2018-06-14T00:45:22
There it is, right on my website: marital therapy is not particularly effective. And yet, people often contact me to ask,"Where can I get therapy?"Why? Because our culture is psychologized and t...
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Of Apologies and Forgiving from 2018-06-07T00:45:44
We all have hurts from close relationships -- and especially in marriages. It is impossible to be in such an intimate relationship and not bump into each other (in hurtful ways) over and over. Th...
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3 Rules for Better Communication from 2018-05-31T00:45:59
Many couples make the mistake of assuming that their problems are due to poor communication. That is not (or rarely) the case. Why do couples think this? Because many therapists use that as the ...
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Chronic, Crisis, Flashpoint, Tipping Point–What Happened?? from 2018-05-24T00:45:27
"What happened?", they ask me. They tell me they knew things weren't great... but they had no idea that things were"this bad,"to the point that a spouse is threatening separation or divorce. Sudd...
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Are You Just Delaying “The Inevitable?” from 2018-05-17T00:45
I get this question often enough to know that you may be wondering, too. Is it really possible to save a marriage, or are you just delaying the inevitable? Many people want to know this before th...
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When Your Spouse Wants To TALK from 2018-05-10T00:45:15
"We need to talk,"is the start-up of many conversations with a spouse in marital strife. Those words can strike fear and dread into you. What if things turn south? How do you respond? What do y...
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Earning Back Love (Is NOT The Goal) from 2018-05-03T00:45:54
Sometimes, people tell me that as they are trying to save their marriage, they actually feel like they are trying to earn back the love of a spouse. They want to know if that is what it really is ...
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Beware of“Easy”Tips and Tricks from 2018-04-26T00:45:20
It's a common question. And a dangerous question."Give me an easy trick or tip that will save my marriage." I heard it last week from a phone call. Another one just wanted the"Cliff Notes"on savi...
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Making The Mosaic: Paula Martin from 2018-04-19T00:45:01
Over these past few weeks, I have been letting my team of coaches share from their wealth of knowledge. I'm betting you have been learning lots. This week, we continue those interviews. Coach Pa...
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Growing After Loss: Dave Crispin from 2018-04-05T00:45:22
I've been introducing you to my team of coaches -- and to their wisdom -- over the past few weeks. If you've been listening, you have heard from some talented and seasoned coaches. And you have h...
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We Change When We Change: Terri Hase from 2018-03-29T00:45:26
Over these past few episodes, I have been sharing interviews with my team of coaches -- and sharing their depth of wisdom and knowledge with you. Coach Terri HaseThis week, I share an interview wi...
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Staying The Course: Laurie Johnson from 2018-03-22T00:45:35
Over the past few episodes, you have met some of my coaches. All are amazing and outstanding coaches, as well as wonderful people. Today, you get to meet another amazing person, Laurie Johnson. ...
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Uncovering Hope: Annette Carpien from 2018-03-15T00:45:25
Hope is an interesting thing. It can disappear -- or you can build it. Coach Annette CarpienOver the last few weeks, I've been introducing you to my incredibly talented team of coaches. And this...
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Shift From Control: Nina Potter from 2018-03-08T01:45:09
Over the last couple of episodes, and over the next few, you get to meet and learn from my amazing coaches. They are all hand-selected by me because of their expertise as coaches. Then, we add in...
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Return To Love: Debbie Rivera from 2018-03-01T01:45:46
Last week, you got to hear from me a little about who I am and why I do what I do. Over the next few weeks, I want to introduce you to my amazing team of coaches. Not just introduce you, but let ...
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Why I Do What I Do from 2018-02-22T01:45:33
Dr. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Over the next few weeks, I want you to meet my talented staff. I have some of the top relationship coaches working with me to provide great help to couples around the wor...
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Don’t Blame Valentine! from 2018-02-15T01:45:17
Let me just say, from the outset, I AM a fan of romance. That said, I DON'T like when"romantic feelings"are used as the yardstick for a marriage. If you are dating someone and have no romantic fe...
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5 Reasons Your Marriage Isn’t Turning Around from 2018-02-08T01:45:28
I often get emails and phone calls asking,"Why isn't my marriage turning around? Why aren't things improving?"My first assessment is to see how long they have been trying. (I heard from a guy that...
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Certainty Versus Variety In Marriage from 2018-02-01T01:45:03
"But I haven't change!," he told me. His wife said he had. He claimed he hadn't.
“Is It All About Being The ‘Nice Guy/Gal’?” – NOPE from 2018-01-25T01:45:32
Many of my podcasts come from questions from listeners (if you have an idea for a podcast, Listen
“Can I Convince My Spouse To Stay?” from 2018-01-18T01:45:06
I sometimes check to see what people might search on my website. It helps me to understand wha...
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The Power of Apology and Forgiving from 2018-01-11T01:45:33
Any intimate relationship is going to lead to some hurts along the way. It's just impossible ...
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“Why Does It Hurt So Much?” from 2018-01-04T01:45:21
I recently took a phone call. The caller told me that the pain of her marital problems was horrible. S...
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The Fantasy and Fallacy of Infidelity from 2017-12-28T01:45:59
Infidelity is powerful. And destructive.
It is also powered by fantasy. Oh, and did I mention the fallacy of infidelity?
We don't have clear figures about ...
5 MORE Myths of Marriage (That Can Get You Into Trouble Fast) from 2017-12-21T01:45:54
In the last episode, I covered ...
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5 Myths of Marriage (That Can Get You Into Trouble Fast) from 2017-12-14T01:45:05
Myths aren't just interesting stories. They are pieces of false information that can get us into tro...
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3 Ways You Diss Your Marriage from 2017-11-30T01:45:44
I am way too uncool to ever use "Diss" in a conversation.
That said, I will dr...
Surviving Disconnection from 2017-11-23T01:45:01
Survival has been the theme for the last few weeks. Not just surviving, but overcoming and th...
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Surviving Empty Nest and MidLife from 2017-11-16T01:45:24
If you followed the common pattern, you got married and some short time later, you had ...
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Surviving Mistakes and Backslides from 2017-11-09T01:45:53
It happens. You are trying to save your marriage and. . . you make a mistake. You violate your ow...
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Surviving the “Golden Hour” from 2017-11-02T00:45:12
In situations of traumatic injury, first responders refer to the "Golden Hour" as the first hour ...
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Surviving Conflict from 2017-10-26T00:45:49
During the last couple of weeks, we've been talking "survival." First, I talked Listen
Surviving Separation from 2017-10-12T00:45:42
If you have listened long to my podcasts, you probably know that I am not big on separations. In...
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Confession — I have to admit to this. . . from 2017-10-05T00:45:04
Every now and then, I get an angry email or phone call. But this one. . .
He started...
Doing The Right Thing vs. Doing It Right from 2017-09-28T00:45:06
Today, I tackle a pretty sensitive subject: the difference between "Doing The Right Thing" and ...
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Desire Versus Decide from 2017-09-21T00:45:05
"I just don't feel it," two people told me this week. One didn't feel like following the plan to ...
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One Question That Can Destroy Any Marriage from 2017-09-14T00:45:49
There are some questions that can help a marriage. There are many thoughts that can improve your rel...
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How Limiting Beliefs Limit Your Marriage from 2017-08-31T00:45:07
It almost seems redundant, doesn't it? If you have limited beliefs, they could limit something -- sa...
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“I Won’t If My Spouse Won’t” — And You Are Stuck from 2017-08-24T00:45:22
A few days ago, that was what he said on the phone, "I won't work on my marriage if my spouse won't...
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When Do You Need Coaching? from 2017-08-17T00:45:47
If you follow me much, you know I am not a huge supporter of marital therapy. On the other han...
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“Can My Marriage Heal?” from 2017-08-10T00:45:43
"I want to save my marriage," she told me, "but can it actually be worth it? If I do the work, a...
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Time To “Go Pro”. . . from 2017-08-03T00:45:31
No. I don't mean you need to call in the professionals.
Have you ever noticed the d...
A Swiss Cheese Approach To Marriage Crisis from 2017-07-27T00:45:56
It may be an odd preoccupation, but I pour over the scuba accident reports. I like to see how th...
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Are You Addicted To Blame? from 2017-07-20T00:45:22
Are you and your spouse addicted to blame? Do you find yourself pointing your finger toward your spous...
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“What If I CAN’T Save It?” — Your Fears Addressed from 2017-07-13T00:45:38
Two phone calls the same day. Both with the same question: "What if I CAN'T save my marriage?" One ...
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The Danger of the Yo-Yo Method from 2017-06-29T00:45:54
tDo you know about "yo-yo dieting," where people start a plan and lose weight, drop off the plan and g...
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Every Shortcut Has Gotten You Here. . . from 2017-06-22T00:45:08
I admit it. The phone call got under my skin. We were traveling and I answered the call. The pe...
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The Anxiety-Anger Anchor from 2017-06-15T00:45:37
Do you find yourself and/or your spouse anchored to a problem by anxiety or anger? Guess what? An...
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The Compatibility Myth from 2017-06-08T00:45:08
"We're just not compatible" has been the start of many "we can't stay together" discussions. But i...
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STOP The Fishing Expedition from 2017-06-01T00:45:43
You may just be on a fishing expedition, and not even realize it!
If you a...
Dealing With Naysayers from 2017-05-25T02:45:42
You've decided to try and save your marriage (good for you!). But whenever you talk with family...
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Expressive or Avoidant? from 2017-05-11T02:45:15
I was discussing a situation with a client. He told me he was confused. His wife avoided emotions. Except she would explode in anger. He couldn't figure it out. He tended to avoid conflict, bu...
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How To Stay In The Game from 2017-05-04T02:45:22
You might feel like "tapping out," or forfeiting, just giving up and walking away.
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3 Secrets Of People Who Save Their Marriage (And YOU Need To Know) from 2017-04-26T17:00:30
aI have watched from the sidelines as people work to save their marriage. And it strikes me tha...
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Don’t Try To “Make,” “Get,” or “Cause” Your Spouse To. . . from 2017-04-20T02:45:40
The conversation starts innocently enough. Someone wants help saving a marriage. They tell me about th...
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“I Love You, But I’m NOT IN Love” from 2017-04-13T02:45:54
That one phrase has sent more marriages into a downward spiral than any other: "I love you, but I'm no...
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The Created Past And Your Marriage from 2017-04-06T02:45:56
Sounds so philosophical, doesn't it? Your "created past." What is that?
Two Modes Killing Your Marriage from 2017-03-30T02:45:57
Over and over, I see the same two "modes" killing marriages -- all without intention or malicio...
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Why Protecting Yourself Won’t from 2017-03-23T01:45:19
Whenever I get the same questions over and over, I decide it is time to do a podcast. And this came up just a couple of days ago. The person on the other end of the phone call said, "Why should I...
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How To Deal With Negativity from 2017-03-16T01:45:53
It happens. In the middle of a marriage crisis, you can find yourself surrounded by negativity. ...
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Healing Your Spouse’s Resentments from 2017-03-09T02:45:12
In last week's podcast, I discussed healing ...
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Healing Your Resentments from 2017-03-02T02:45:13
Resentments are the deep infections of anger. When anger is unresolved, it becomes a systemic ...
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