054: Three reasons not to say"You’re OK!" - a podcast by Jen Lumanlan

“I hear parents on the playground all the time saying “You’re OK!” after their child falls over. Often it does make the child stop crying…but doesn’t it invalidate the child’s feelings?”

It turns out that this question is related to a skill that psychologists call emotional regulation, and learning how to regulate emotions is one of the most important tasks of childhood.This to-the-point episode is a trial of a shorter form of episode after listeners told me this show is“very dense.”  It’s hard to back off the density, but I can back off the length.  Let me know (via email or the Contact Me, page– not the comments on this episode because I get inundated with spam) what you think…



Other episodes referenced in this showhttps://yourparentingmojo.com/parenting/ (How parenting affects children’s development)

https://yourparentingmojo.com/divorce/ (How divorce impacts children’s development)

https://yourparentingmojo.com/005-how-to-scaffold-childrens-learning/ (How to scaffold children’s learning) 

ReferencesBrookshire, B. (2013, May 8). Psychology is WEIRD: Western college students are not the best representatives of human emotion, behavior, and sexuality. Slate. Retrieved from www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2013/05/weird_psychology_social_science_researchers_rely_too_much_on_western_college.html

Duncan, L.G., Coatsworth, J.D.,& Greenberg, M.T. (2009). A model of mindful parenting: Implications for parent-child relationships and prevention research. Clinical Child& Family Psychology Review 12, 255-270.

Keane, S.P.,& Calkins, S.D. (2004). Predicting kindergarten peer social status from toddler and preschool problem behavior. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 32(4), 409-423.

Kopystynska, O., Paschall, K.W., Barnett, M.A.,& Curran, M.A. (2017). Patterns of interparental conflict, parenting, and children’s emotional insecurity: A person-centered approach. Journal of Family Psychology 31(7), 922-932.

Roemer, L., Williston, S.K.,& Rollins, L.G. (2015). Mindfulness and emotion regulation. Current Opinion in Psychology 3, 52-57.

Rotenberg, K.J.,& Eisenberg, N. (1997). Developmental differences in the understanding of and reaction to others’ inhibition of emotional expression. Developmental Psychology 33(3), 526-537.

Sasser, T.R., Bierman, K.L.,& Heinrichs, B. (2015). Executive functioning and school adjustment: The mediational role of pre-kindergarten learning-related behaviors. Early Childhood Research Quarterly 30(A), 70-79.Swain, J.E., Kim, P.,& Ho, S.S. (2011). Neuroendocrinology of parental response to baby-cry. Journal of Neuroendochrinology 23(11), 1036-1041.

Trommsdorff, G. (2010). Preschool girls’ distress and mothers’ sensitivity in Japan and Germany. European Journal of Developmental Psychology 7(3), 350-370. 



Read Full TranscriptTranscript

Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast.While I was still pregnant with my daughter, a friend showed me a video of a toddler falling down a flight of stairs.  Once he has tumbled all the way to the bottom he immediately bounces up and announces loudly for anyone who might be around: “I’m OK! I’m OK!”

At the time I thought that was pretty cool.  Who wouldn’t want a child who can roll with the tumbles of life and be fine with it?I was working on some mental and emotional pregnancy exercises from a book at the time, one of which instructed me to write down my hopes for my yet-unborn daughter.  In the beautiful book that I made for her by hand (and that I hope to one day give to her), the third entry on my list of “My hopes for you” was “I hope you’ll be the kind of kid who gets up after a fall and says I’m OK!”

Fortunately, through studying for a Master’s in Psychology and through researching podcast episodes for you, my wishes for my daughter, as well as my skills, have evolved – but...

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